Boyfriend gets mad when I dress up, always telling me to dress down?
Asking here because I'd like to get the perspective of men(I also don't have many male friends) who share a similar professional background to him(which might influence his taste, opinions, etc). I'm in my early twenties, him in his early thirties, we've been together for a year and he's been talking about getting engaged soon.
I usually wear mid-thigh length skirts, dresses, blouses, heels(3-4 inches), paint my nails natural colors, and do my makeup and hair when we go out to restaurants for dates. This is the gist of how I dress in everyday life too with changes made depending on the situation. Looking presentable makes me feel good and I thought he'd appreciate that I'm also trying to look good for him too. However, he gets mad when I dress up even to nice restaurants and is always telling me to 'be more comfortable' and casual. I've never complained about being uncomfortable, I don't know why he'd say that. When I do dress more casually I notice he starts checking out other girls that are dressed to the nines whereas he wouldn't do that if I'm also dressed to the nines! Why is his reaction to the way I dress so strong and persistent?
My girl friends have given me these guesses as to why he acts like this:
- He wants me to look less attractive so I won't leave him(it's true that he's very insecure & jealous)
- He doesn't want people to think I'm only with him for his money(he's overweight & has a mediocre fashion sense)
- He has anger issues
- I don't walk as fast as he'd want me to when I wear heels
- He hates my fashion sense(he's said that I have 'kardashian' taste because I grew up in CA)
Not sure what to think or do, help would be appreciated
Update: He was going to propose yesterday but I broke up with him even though I'd very much like marriage. We're just not for each other.
I know you're looking for men's opinions and I am a girl, but this sounds like a freaking toxic relationship to me. I don't think you should be looking for an explanation to his actions because they are definitely abnormal. What matters is how you feel about his actions.
What I can tell you is that men actively look for women who value themselves, take care of themselves and look/feel their best. Also, if he has anger issues and is extremely jealous/insecure, he needs to work on himself and you don't have to put up with this. You're young and deserve better.
Privacy
I feel you! Feel free to text me if you need to talk
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We gonna need pictures to judge
+1
On WSO, you are a dude unless you can prove you are not.
This sounds like me when I was in a shitty place in my life. Basically he feels you are too attractive for him and by dressing up he knows other guys are checking you out. He feels inferior to other guys and feels like someone could easily take you off him. By asking you to dress down it makes him feel more comfortable knowing other people won’t see you as attractive and not pursue you. He is insecure. Up to you what you want to do, if he is in a rough place at the moment you could wait it out if you really like this man. If this is just who he is normally, then probably best to leave - these insecurities will manifest further.
That explains a lot of things, thank you!
Sounds like your boyfriend has a small dick
lol at listening to your friends who are just coddling you and making it sound like it's his fault.
It's impossible to know truly without seeing an example of your fashion (not asking for pics like a creeper, just stating a fact) along with his story. It could be that he is 'insecure'. It could very well also be that your fashion sense is pretty trashy. Finance/business and really any successful money making industry outside of entertainment is pretty conservative. That doesn't mean wear a turtle neck - but you will see attractive women in this space look more 'elegant' than sexy. Maybe it means a longer dress but still a slip to show some leg, maybe it means a more subtle makeup job, etc.
If you are wearing very high heels, very short skirts, fake nails, etc. then you flatly will look like a college girl ready for a night of clubbing which can be pretty cringe inducing especially to an older guy. You are early 20s so it's not your fault, but your attire just probably makes an adult feel like he's dating a teenager - especially if you say your style is 'kardashian' influenced.
Easy to just label it as the guys insecurity, and that could be driving it. But could also be a lack of self awareness on your part
Thanks. These are examples of the way I dress: https://pin.it/2PuOJAi, https://pin.it/4NH398t, https://pin.it/Y9QfKmR. What do you think?
Based on those pics you linked, I'd say it's his problem not yours. MonkeyNoise is correct in that if you're dressing slutty then it could turn guys off who're looking for a long-term relationship. I don't think any of those linked are slutty though. Personally, I like when girls have a good sense of style and dress fashionable. I put effort into how I look and so I feel my partner should do the same. That said, "Kardashian" taste and the pics you linked seem different to me, but I don't really follow the Kardashians so maybe I'm wrong? Kardashians just seem more trashy taste wise?
One thing I did notice from your post- at the end you validated your girlfriends' guesses saying your bf is very insecure, jealous, overweight, mediocre fashion sense, anger issues. It sounds like you don't even like him, or that the relationships toxic.
Agree with the other comment that those outfits are all pretty well put together, and while they might be head turning they aren't 'trashy' (think form fitting / very tight outfits showcasing a lot of legs and curves). In fact I would even say those are good examples of 'elegant' fashion sense that I mentioned above.
Again, in these situations only hearing one side of the story so dont want to discredit you by any means - but also dont have enough information to fairly assess (and I wouldnt 100% always trust friends either as they generally just blindly will agree with you, for guys and girls alike).
When he says 'dress down' any examples of what that means? Like jeans? sneakers? long sleeve shirts? Also, do you get approached a lot when out in public together? Ive dated models in the past and have had random guys frequently come up and try to shoot their shot with her while we were together and it definitely can be a bit annoying. Especially if the girl likes the attention ("oh he's just being nice!"), when in fact they know full well what's going on.
Yeah, IF this is a true representation, this looks fine and not trashy/slutty/ "equivalent of a guns out / black button-up + excessive jewelry on a guy" look - the problem is with him. I hate the "I love to show off my SO" thinking so common today ( "beta" male thinking IMHO) , but this seems not just normal male territorial, but a case of severe confidence issue.
So he’s unattractive both in a physical sense (overweight, unfashionable) and in a personal sense (controlling, insecure, jealous, anger issues). Why even date him?
I broke up with him
I think you made a good choice! Good luck
Damn that was fast
Sit down with him and address your issues with him, if that does not seek couple counseling. If that fails then he is not the guy for you. He may just want a traditional girlfriend/wife.
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