Dating?

Please help my understand the mind of a hedge fund employee.
My friends are trying to convince me that I'm being played.. but I want to believe the guy I like....

Background:
I met a guy while visiting a bar in New York. We really liked each eachother. Neither of us had felt so strongly about someone we had just met. I was there on a bachelorette party and didn't want to ditch the bridezilla, so we said goodbye after a couple of hours of hanging out. He sent me a message telling me he really enjoyed meeting me, and that he'd let me know if he was ever in my city.

Months past and I ended up in his city of Chicago. I dm'd him and told him I'd be there. We hung out at night. I was very nervous to meet him again.

During that night, he mentioned how much he thought we got along and said he wanted to see me again. To my surprise I did not get a message from him the next day until late afternoon. He told me he wanted to grab a coffee and lunch, but that he had a number of things that had to be taken care of.

To my surprise he mentioned visiting me, but said he wouldn't be able to fly to Texas (where I live) anytime in the immediate future. I was very excited and tried to flirt with him over text, but he didn't reciprocate the same excitement. His messages were very to the point. - he liked hanging out with me, and was interested in visiting Houston - He said I was the "perfect reason to fly there" -.

Weeks went by and I heard nothing, so I sent him a casual message.
He replied right away, but didn't ask many questions about me. Instead he jumped to suggesting a weekend to meet. I told him I'd be free. He said he'd let me know his situation at a later date...

I told him I was starting to think he didn't care to see me. He said he wanted to hang out again, but that he didn't know his work situation.

Weeks past and he sent me a message suggesting a new weekend to meet up. I told him I'd be free. He said he'd have to check in with work and let me know.

Weeks past and he I asked him what the deal was. He said work was busy and suggested another date. I told him I'd be free, then he didn't respond.

Last night I messaged him again and told him it would be cool to hang. He agreed, but said he wasn't sure when he'd be free. What is driving me crazy is the he is not 'killing' the idea of meeting. He keeps saying he'll have to tell me when / whether he can see me when he knows more about work.

I am the kind of person who believe what people say. If he keeps saying he wants to see me, but can't because he's busy, I'll believe him.
Am I stupid for thinking this? I don't know him well, but really like him a lot. The first night we met he told me he'd "date me in a heartbeat if we both lived in NY".
Does he actually care to see me but is super busy, or is he a player and am I one of many girls he's keeping as a potential thing?
How busy are 2nd year hedge fund employees?

 

You're probably right, if he really wanted to meet you he would fly out and see you.

But in all honesty, why would he? For a girl he has met a couple times for a few hours? I've had showers that last longer than that.

I personally think that he's keeping it hanging for the scenario of you ever coming back to NYC or if, by a very slim chance, he ends up in your neck of the woods.

Your call what to do, but I feel like sending messages pertaining to 'hanging' and badgering him to when he is free to do so are definitely not helping your situation.

'I'm jacked... JACKED TO THE TITS!!'
 

Thanks for your response. Please let me ask you another question... I agree. I've just been a little confused because he said he had never liked someone so quickly and that he really wanted to see me again. He is the one who initiated us meeting again, not me.

i told him I had a crush him and that it was nice to see him again. I also told him I wasn't sure how much he meant what he said about travelling to see me. He said he really wanted to hang out again and that he'd book a flight the next opportunity that he was free.

I was a no point thinking we were dating and at no point thought he owes me anything, but i also thought he must have meant what he said about wanting to see me again... ?

He initiated the idea of a meet up two times and came up with two dates for us to meet. I told him I'd be free both times. Then he'd respond.. he has to check in with work.

I guess I am confused about why someone would suggest meeting up.. say they are busy with work and need to see how things go, and then flop. Wait another couple of weeks, ask me to meet up again, and then not really show interest again... Do people who just start out in this career that uncertain about their schedule?

 

you don't know him...he doesn't know you. it is generally unwise to put too much thought / effort into dating somebody in that scenario. In that light, It would generally be unwise to do something like fly to another city just to maybe go on a date with somebody that you don't know. When you are single, its generally accepted to date lots of people, until you find the "right" person for you. It also generally takes many dates, over many weeks to months before you can "know" if somebody is right for you. So, with this in mind, you should be dating many people...and so should this other guy. Perhaps it works out between the 2 of you...perhaps not. The only way to find out is repeated exposure.

At the young stage of a finance career, many people invest their time heavily in their career, with occasional bouts of blowing off steam...so this is pretty common.

You are not in a monogamous relationship with this person. You don't owe him to not date other men, and he does not owe you to not date other woman. This is the dance of our time. This does not make him a player...it makes him a rational person.

just google it...you're welcome
 

Thanks, I agree. I've just been a little confused because he said he had never liked someone so quickly and that he really wanted to see me again. When I told him I wasn't sure how much he meant that, he said he really wanted to hang out again and that he'd book a flight the next opportunity that he was free. I was a no point thinking we were dating or that he owes me anything, but i also thought he meant what he said. He came up with two dates for us to meet. I told him I'd be free both times. After I told him I'd be free he'd again respond with: Ok, I still have to wait on work. I guess I am confused about why someone would suggest meeting up.. say they are busy with work, and then flop. Wait another couple of weeks, ask to meet up again, and then not really show interest again... Do people who are just starting out in this career have an extremely uncertain schedule?

 

I would wager his time is his time, regardless of how he spends it. It's like a carrot on a stick effect, in the sense that you sound that you want this romantic idea with someone you barely met and even known. It sounds childish, but I think you are better focused elsewhere and meeting a variety of people in your area (as opposed to a sense of hope).

I deal with the general public often, on a daily basis, and people will make time for you if you are worth investing in. People will come up with every excuse in the rule book if they have to in order to avoid someone.

Keep your head up and go out there, plenty of fish in the sea. You owe no one anything.

No pain no game.
 

Thanks for your reply. I agree. I was at no point thinking we were dating or that he owes me anything, but i also thought he meant what he said. He came up with two dates for us to meet. I told him I'd be free both times. and then he'd respond with.. "he'd have to see how his work went" .
I guess I am confused about why someone would suggest meeting up.. say they are busy with work, and then flop. Wait another couple of weeks, ask me to meet up again, and then not really show interest again... Do people who just start out in this career that uncertain about their schedule?

I am definitely moving on from this..

 

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