Dating to marry a girl you know likes you mostly for your money?
Hi all,
I was raised in another country(poor eastern Europe/Caucasus) and the last couple summers I have been going back to my home country and I've always balled out a bit, whilst doing so I dated quite a few girls a far amount out of my league. For context, I'm about 5 foot 10-11 and decent looking and have had solid success with girls in America throughout my life but never like this and never with girls this pretty. One girl especially I got along with quite well, she is a bit taller than me at about 6'1-6'2 and naturally gorgeous with so little attention to her looks. Her family is poor and I'm honestly thinking of marrying her and eventually bringing her to the states. Opinions or experience?
Dating a woman when you're in your late 20s / early 30s (which I assume you are based on your profile), money will always be a factor, but if it's the main or only factor as to why a specific woman is interested in you, you've gotta think twice about that. You are already questioning in your title whether the interest is genuine and that's not a good foundation to build a relationship upon
I don’t think it’s the only reason, I actually think we get along really well as we come from similiar backgrounds, poor farmers, the difference is that I’m in my late 20s and she’s in her early 20s and I feel as if these kinds of marriages are commonplace in the country I’m from. Also you need to understand, she’s simply prettier than any American girl I will ever get with and her being 6 foot 2 albeit shallow is great genes. I’ve always thought of dating up back in my home country and now that I have the chance I’m thinking if I should jump the gun or not. I could show her around the world besides a village. I could change her familie’s life and I really doubt she would leave me after that especially if I had a kid with her before she came here.
What country is this? Asking for a friend (myself)
majority of women in Eastern Europe and Caucasus fits this typology, so it's not country-specific
priority is on income/provider status (traditional dynamics from ex-Soviet/communism influence on the idea of family/upbringing)
does it happen to be a country with 2 current UFC champions by chance
Do what your middle aged self will thank you for.
one addition, what your middle-age self's WALLET will thank you for. trolololo
Lol
My guy friend did the reverse of this (to me, they seem like an odd match even though they've dated for ~10 years before tying the knot).
Makes good money (~$300K) at his job but gets ridiculous vacations paid by his mother in law that are likely signficantly over his ideal budget.
And how does it work out? Does he feel destabilized by the power imbalance?
He seems okay with it. I get the sense there is some friction between their families though but nothing out of the ordinary with in-laws in most cases. He's known her parents for at least a decade before they tied the knot.
I met my partner in Colombia and have a good income in USD but I only took her out on basics first few dates (because I'm not spending a lot on someone I barely know), and we actually live in Colombia (I didn't take her back to the States), so while it's a factor I'm 100% confident my partner likes me for who I am. We rarely splurge and enjoy our time together at home more often than going out
This is sad.
Not because she gonna use you for green card then will discard you. No. She'd probably still stick after moving to the states since she's prolly conservative.
This is sad because without the contextual advantages, you can't score chicks that hot. And that to me, is sad. It's a resignation of masculinity and a defeatist backdoor way to get a smokeshow of a chick.
You probably won't be cheated on, or dumped. You just have to live with questioning yourself 'Would she even give me a chance if she'd already in the states? Was all of these even genuine at all' that's all. Not bad, just have to think of it every now and then for the whole length of the marriage. And if the marriage lasts till old age, that means you will have this question bugging you for the rest of your life.
I mean, if you think you can live with it, then go for it.
Imagine how OP will react when his girlfriend meets taller richer american men in life.
That are going to marry her when she has 3 kids and be willing to take care of her?
My mom married my dad for money to get out of her home country, and my dad married her for her looks because he was afraid of having ugly kids. They are still together after 27 years because my mom dedicated everything towards raising the children, so any conflict or disagreements they did have were ignored bc they spent all their time focusing on raising the kids. My parents come from a culture where parents stay together no matter what because getting divorced is considered really taboo, so do what you want with that info. I think the culture they come from really matters, especially if your goal is to maintain a stable family.
I don't see how this is depressing though when everyone else around me is divorcing left and right. And none of my siblings nor I will have emotional baggage from parents splitting up. If I ever needed anything, I could call my mom up and she would be willing to drop everything she's doing to come to my place to help. Happened a few times when I got sick.
Whatever
I’m with you and your daddy and I’m proud of it.
Bad take
Okay PE guy.
You are a cuccccckkkkk
You only live once my friend. Marry her, bring her over. Be kind and a good person. What’s the worse that can happen? 5 years together and perhaps maybe a child or two? Or an amicable separation or divorce.
Sometimes, no one knows how to predict the future accurately.
If you two are in love and get along fine, why not?
My family is from Asia, and it’s something I plan on doing. I’ve met a few on my travels and so far, it’s been remarkably a wonderful experience dating these beautiful women.
I am curious why you think the girl is only dating you for the money. Unless you've known her previously and she wouldn't give you the time of day back then and now she's changed rapidly because of your income, I'm not sure if you can make that statement. Also how did you two meet? If it was in a random social situation where it wasn't easily possible for her to determine your net worth she might just be a good person.
She knew I was rich though. The after mentioned city is historical relevant yet currently irrelevant and basically just a big village. I met her visiting a friend at a literal village whilst I had an s class parked(impressive over there) and everyone knew who I was and what I did, she knew I wasn’t a bum per se. I love her and honestly really feel like I get along with her, if she was uglier and shorter I would believe she loved me back. The problem is, she genuinely beautiful. No pretty or cute, she’s probably top 3 prettiest girls I’ve ever seen and I live in NYC and at 6 foot 2 with blonde and blue eyes. I don’t think she would leave or cheat because I just don’t think that’s in her and considering i would change her life. That’s why I want to possibly have kids before moving her because she’s such a sweet girl and I want her forever.
I hope all works out for you and your future potential wife/mother of your kids. I do want to point out some things that you're going have to discuss and think about.
1.To address the elephant in the room, pregnancy and kids can and most likely will change how she looks. I'm not a doctor so I won't comment on how much change she'll go through, but physically she will. Just something to think about.
2.The culture shock for her is most likely going to be immense. She's going from a 'large village' in a foreign country to the largest city in the United States. It's probably going to take her a minute to get acclimated and having kids before moving might make that process even longer. If her English isn't great that is also a factor you'll have to consider.
3. The other big thing you'll have to talk to her about is obviously having a kid(s). She might just not want to have kids at this time and you'll either have to choose to be patient or break it off entirely. Up to you and her to decide that ultimately.
4. Is the culture you and the girl are from one where you "marry the family, not just the girl" and thus you'll have to send money and gifts back home? If so, that IB pay might feel a bit light if you factor that in. Also you're a VP so probably less than 30 percent of your analyst class has made it to where you're at so you need to make sure you got good job security for the next couple years.
Again, I wish you both the best of luck. Good to know that people still fall in love in this day and age.
Lady here. And let me over-generalize - money is NOT everything, but it helps. It just does. Sorry. We want a companion. We want a partner. We want a connection. But, yeah, comfort and safety, too.
If you don't make your own money, you'll be out on the street when your husband leaves you in 10-20 years. If he's any good at what he does, you won't know about most of his assets, let alone get half of them.
Secure your own future. Worry about yourself.
Thanks for the wisdom. I'm sure you're quite the lady's man. Haha.
Don't marry gold diggers. Just keep going back to the home country and having fun like you are.
Marry an actual partner.
Dude...really? I'm not judging you here, but let me be brutally honest -- the odds of this becoming a true loving relationship and lasting for decades is minimal. Marriages for money rarely work out (which I define as not just not getting divorced -- which is risk #1 that will manifest after she gets the GC most likely -- but having a good relationship a decade from now
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