Do you actually pay for meals when on a date?
Like I can get behind paying for coffee when we first meet, but do you guys actually pay for the girl's dinner if you are say on the first or second date? Assuming you haven't fucked yet and are not dating a hooker in disguise
I usually pay initially, then when we become official I usually split it or get one dinner and she gets the next.
Lol I feel like this should be the other way around.
i do the same
This, with my gf of 6 years though I try and pay for the small stuff usually.
don't you feel sometimes that some girls that you meet just come for free food, and they don't put out and disappear when you stop paying for them? I met some of these and didn't even realize until later when I started reading and hearing about this. there is even a huge subreddit Female Dating Strategy which supports this approach of using men. now after learning all this, I'm trying to be more cautious and don't offer dinner dates anymore, cause I don't wanna support these disgusting people.
Not really because I had relationships with most of them.
That's why I like doing coffee as a first date. Lower cost to me, lower stakes for both of us, plus you usually have better conversation.
If we're actually dating I'll at least make an offer to pay. If she says she'd rather split, that's great. Or if she says she'd like to pay for this one since I got it alst, also great. I assume I'm paying and plan accordingly (again, only if we're actually dating which means I think she's worth my time and effort in the first place). Like Rice with Chicken, if they make an effort to not have anything to do with the bill, that's all I need to see to see it's not going anywhere past then.
I’d always suggest drinks for a first date. If I’m not feeling it, closing out after 1 round won’t kill anyone. If the girl pushed for dinner on a first and I wasn’t feeling it, I’d ask for two checks.
For me, It really depends on how the conversation has gone up to that point. If we have texted well then, I am usually willing to do an activity. If not then I just do drinks.
That's a good approach, great flexibility in decision.
Could be best to have the conversation early on about it.
Sure, if you don't wanna get your dick sucked, that's a cool convo to start the night with.
You should pay unless she orders market price. Then, she pays for you both.
For the first date, I’ve always gone with the person who asks pays, which usually means me. For the second date, preferably she offers to pick it up or split it, but depending on how it’s going I might pay anyway (I don’t mind paying, but if she expects me to pay there’s an issue). Once we’re going out regularly always put two cards down
For me, I always pay, If she offers, then I know she is a keeper, and also let her. If she doesn't offer by the third date. I cut that hoe off.
Yeah, you should pay for the first few at least. Seems silly to try and nickel and dime your potential gf when you're making ~$100K base.
I am in the same boat, If you make a lot more than your partner, I see no reason to be that precise.
yeah, if you're dating somebody seriously and they're a great person, and they make less money than you, definitely pay for them. but don't pay for somebody you barely know.
does it not seem silly to be used as an ATM by strangers? do you think none of the girls you went on dates with, came just for free food and couldn't care less about you? there is a very significant portion of female dating apps users who treat them as free food apps, and these girls are the most active users on the apps, so I bet every guy who used apps has been on these dates, most of the time not even realizing.
I never do food on first dates. If we eat, 99% of the time I split it. I made a big mistake going on a first date at a restaurant when there were signs the girl was just interested in free food, but I went anyway. I could tell the girl was sweating to see if I would propose a split but I didn't. After that, I promise to never ever do a first food date and if I do we're splitting it.
For drinks I also split it if it goes above 30, unless I haven't had a date in a while and I'm having a good time. NYC is really flakey, so you have to watch who you're spending money on.
If the date is shitty, I will propose a split no matter what. I had a date who would constantly text her friend because "her friend needs her after going through drama with her boyfriend" She apologized at first but then I can tell she really was unapologetic about it. I remember how shocked she was when I proposed we split the bill. hahaha that's what you get for wasting my time!
If she refuses to pay it, what you do
Get up and let her figure it out.
Nope. Actually one of the criteria I have to see if there will be a second date. If they assume I'm paying, definitely not going to be a second date. Not interested in dating a freeloader.
Would hope most respectable women would offer to split. Never take them up on it on first date as someone previously mentioned I’m typically the one who proposes the date.
But what the hell is with you guys being worried nickle and diming over drinks or dinner are you that strapped for cash?
Won’t pay for the first date and can’t figure out why they can’t get laid.
Yeah its pretty much the entry price.
🤣🤣 Facts, I love food and drinks. Why not enjoy it with a pretty lady? Some of you must be attracting low quality women to be so jaded.
Some Paranormal Broketivities going on in here.
This site is filled with such corny dudes, man
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I haven't gone out on a first or second date in a while (in a long-term committed relationship), but when I used to date, my go-to spot for dinner was the Harvard Club, in which drinks/meals are directly charged to your account, so there's no awkward fumbling with the check at the end of the meal.
what account? I don't get it. do you need to create an account with them? then don't you need to give them a card?
Most private, members-only clubs operate like this. At the end of the meal, you sign a piece of paper accepting the charges for the meal, and they will be added to your account's monthly bill which you pay off at the end of the month.
You guys are unbelievable. Have no problem dropping a few hundred on a round or two at the club with the boys but can't even muster to pay the same for someone who you want to enter a LT relationship with. If you marry the girl do you guys expect her to raise your kids, be there for emotional support when you deal with long hours and split housing expenses 50/50?
I don't drop a few hundred "at the club with the boys" im not 18 anymore sorry
and for your info, I won't be marrying for the foreseeable future considering the ridiculous political climate
Sounds like you are having a lot of fun in law school "Legal - N/A".
interesting assumption that everybody who goes on dates is looking for LT relationships with marriage and kids and home-stay mom scenario. I'm not looking for this stuff at all. I just wanna have fun. and I have no issues paying for a dinner or whatever if the girl puts out, but most of the time the girl just expects you to pay for her, and she thinks she doesn't owe you anything. because of that, I only pay for drinks nowadays.
"I have no issues paying for a dinner or whatever if the girl puts out" - this is absurd that you think she has to put out because you paid for dinner or drinks. Beta
No wonder you can't find a quality woman, you're a toxic retard who thinks all a woman is good for is sex and you expect her to put out all in exchange for a couple of drinks? My dude are you retarded?
Yeah, if you think dating is expensive, just wait until marriage.
Ain't this the truth. "I am not buy my kid toys until I see Star QB" vibes.
you don't have to marry though, you can just keep dating. it's all in your hands, you decide.
I know a woman who’s like, “oooo, I want to try this new spot out. Let me hit up Match and see if I can get someone to take me.”
She’s eating free off suckers almost 100% of the time.
If the first time you see a girl in person is the first date, that is on you.
I work with this woman. I never dated her. But she sure works the suckers for free food.
My experience is most girls appreciate the gesture and guys should pay for the first couple of dates. It may seem old school, but it also shows you are committed to dating rather than trying to find the cheapest path to get laid. If she hasn’t offered to start splitting or picking up a check on date 3 or 4, red flags all over.
If cheaply getting laid is actually what you are after, just tell her to meet up with you and your friends when you go out. The expectation is much more clear, and less pressure to pay for anything.
Also, Conversely if she's not okay with going to a bar or a fun spot on date one, red flags.
The guys who've taken me on dates have always paid but that's after we've talked over the phone for weeks and have 'agreed' that we're both looking for something that will lead to marriage and kids. I'd be willing to later on when I trust that the guy is serious with me and we're in a relationship
Who tf is discussing these things before the first date…
They seem fine with it, y u mad. Could say the same about guys asking to have sex with a girl before they’ve even taken her on a date.
I do the same. I don't bother dating girls that have any red flags or have deal breakers. Dating always leads to one of two things, marriage or break up, if you're not thinking about that when you're screening potential partners then you're just wasting time. When I was first talking to my current gf I made it clear the things I was looking for around the second week of speaking with her and the things that were important to me. If she wasn't with it, then we're not meant to be and there's nothing worth compromising for.
Yes. If you’re the one who asked her out and you chose the place you should pay on the first date
I dated this one girl when I was 24 and she was 30. She really wanted me to pay for dates in the beginning, but then eventually would split with me.
Then I met with her brother and his wife. His wife had an insane rock on her finger and I complimented it and she said “if I knew how much he was really worth, I would have demanded bigger.” I was like whoa wtf? This was at dinner.
Then later I learn her inheritance was for 8 figures and had a lot of questions. Why was I paying for dinners lol? She said she preferred not to ‘touch her share of family money’ and preferred to ‘make her own path.’
But, bro - I was really paying for a lot of dinners haha whyyyyyyy
Sounds like the brother's wife likes the rock more than him...
but how was the sex?
Amazing
Lots of interesting takes in this post . . .
I'm an old man compared to most of you, so I'll just chalk it up to generational differences. But women want men who can be providers and men want women that can be nurturing. Period. That's been true since the beginning of time and will be true 100,000 years from now.
If you're just putzing around with dating and just want to get as much pussy as possible, good on you, split as many checks as you want and your date(s) will respond in kind in how they treat you (and the quality of female you will attract). But if you want to find someone for a committed relationship start by showing that you can be a provider and a gentleman. Be a leader, be a man and be someone that women will be attracted to. After that, any discussion about who pays is just plain silly.
I must say, it is very strange considering what is said in other threads. Guys are looking for a committed partner who works in an ancillary/ non-demanding field (won't out shine them) and who would be willing to take on the domestic manager and supportive spouse role if/when it comes (kids/household), but they won't pay for a date? It just doesn't add up....
Was going to comment this same logic. I want to work hard in my career while my SO can pursue more interesting but less demanding jobs and then one day raise our kids. Yeah I’d save money if I made her pay some of the time but it just doesn’t seem right.
I feel like in this thread people are worried about the hoes that use dates for free and nice dinners in NYC so I guess that makes sense. Still a little weird to someone from Texas tho.
that's what girls want you to think :)
I am a macho manly provider = girls can use you for free shit and ghost you once you start supplying less free shit.
but you do have a point, if you just want to find one great woman, then yeah you can pay for everybody until you find the one. you will probably be used by a couple dozen of shitty women before that, but it's a reasonable price to pay if you want to find a love of your life for the whole life. but for people who are just casually dating and just wanting to have fun, always paying is a shitty advice, cause you'll just be milked so much.
You sound jaded my bro. That type of attitude is actively preventing you from getting laid.
The trick is doing dates for you, rather than for the girl. I'll go to a really nice restaurant and pay for everything. But the restaurant is my choice, so I guarantee I get a meal I love or try a new place that I've been wanting to go to. I set the time as well (she works around my schedule bc I let her know I'm busy). I also spend minimal time texting - we get to know each other in person, not over text (like I told her earlier, I'm a busy guy).
The mindset completely changes from: "I've spent two weeks texting this girl, we're finally going on a date, I need to win this girl over so I can get laid" to: "I've invested minimal time into setting this up, I'm going to my favorite restaurant at a time/location that's convenient for me and I'm just bringing this girl as company. If she's cool I'll take her on a 2nd date somewhere else".
If you're too invested in a date turning into a hook up, girls can tell. A date with a random person should be like the 17th most important thing going on your life, not a priority.
split the dinner bill equally
I only offer drinks at a place near me on the first date, and yeah I'll pay for them. If the girl wants to go to a different place or wants to get dinner instead, we're splitting. Then on a second date and forward, we're splitting. If I was a millionaire, I would probably feed girls with free meals, even though I know girls nowadays go on dates for free food specifically, but cause I'm still in student debt and renting an apartment, I'm definitely not in position to throw away $100s for no reason.
btw, I was recently thinking about the following approach. how about when you're done eating, you can ask the girl if she wants to come over after the dinner. then you ask for a check. and if she said yes, pay the bill. if she said no, split. how do you guys think? you ain't losing anything, cause if she said no, then who cares, might as well save $50 and use it on the next date.
This is the sleeziest and fastest way for a girl to lose interest in you.
I mean if she doesn't wanna fuck, I'll probably never see her again, unless she's super hot, in that case I might pay and wait for the second date, but if she's on my level or below and doesn't wanna fuck on the first date, I'll never see her again and might just save $50 by asking her if she wants to come over before the check comes.
Lol. Don’t go for dinner on a first date. Just go for drinks. Issue solved.
100% she is viewing you as a fucking loser and free meal ticket if your first or second date is going to dinner together
Lol you sound so mad. Could it just be that for some of us an extra $50 at dinner is not a big deal? I have way too much money to be pissy over a dates $30 entree + $20 worth of drinks
No, you have to be a total cuck to pay when we have so much equality atm. Strong independent women can at the very least split.
lol
Always pay, girls hate it when you don’t. You should actually feel emasculated by choosing to split it on a first date. What a bigger turn off.
That being said, me and my gf take turns buying dinners now. Not officially, she’ll just pick some bills up and so will I.
.
My gf and I have always kind of traded off (informally) paying for stuff. I probably pay more often but it's relatively even. Now that we live together we split things like groceries rent and utilities 50/50 but dinners, drinks etc one of us pays and we don't formally split.
Holy shit I can't believe how many of you guys on this site are cheap and don't know the first rules of dating etiquette. Maybe I'm old school, but the man always pays. I always pay for dates - doesn't matter if it's food, drinks, movie tickets - because I'm the man and that's the proper way of dating. How is it that a bunch of you analysts making 100k base + some bonus are willing to go HAM on a bar tab but as soon as you're taking a girl out and treating her to a nice date, if she doesn't offer to split "she's a freeloader." No wonder some of y'all on this site are virgins. Y'all don't know shit about dating and how to treat a woman. For Christ's sake I'm a broke grad student and I didn't even blink when the check came for a $150 dinner date for my first ever date with my girlfriend.
Also, it’s way too high pressure for both of you
What do you mean?
No, you shouldnt buy dinner for someone you arent sleeping with
And no, you shouldnt even be taking girls out for dinner dates early on anyways. If you are taking her out to a restaurant for your first 1-3 dates then congrats you rightfully have identified yourself to her as a basic boring dude whos main appeal is his wallet
Wow bro I had to spend $40 on a date at a really nice cafe for a dinner date with a girl I’m interested in. My god the horror!! She’s definitely only interested in me because I paid for a $20 meal she easily could’ve paid for herself. Definitely because of my wallet and not because of my looks, personality, confidence, passions, interests, and overall vibe right? Dude again stop listening to PUA who’s sole intention is to sell you their BS course just so that you won’t feel like some virgin loser.
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