Explain Your Job to a Child
If you had to explain what you did on a day-to-day basis to someone who had no idea about your industry, what would you say?
Mine would be: Read the news, Type numbers into a computer, Talk about those numbers.
If you had to explain what you did on a day-to-day basis to someone who had no idea about your industry, what would you say?
Mine would be: Read the news, Type numbers into a computer, Talk about those numbers.
Career Resources
I help people solve problems they can't solve alone. Consulting.
I put someone's money into someone else's account annnnnnndd its gone.........
Buy low, sell high.
I show people numbers that make them feel good about themselves
Number crunching parasite
I make the world a better place.
Babysit CEOs
wake up at 10-11, browse memes all day, play LoL, hang out with colleagues, eat food, write code for 1-2 hours
(this was from my intern experience, very close to FT)
turn money into more money
Convince higher ups that either Company A has the midas touch or is a flaming pile of poop, with the same numbers.
I help clients buy buildings, sell buildings,rent buildings, and even gather a lot of money together to buy more expensive buildings
Use programs to make numbers prettier than they are
One day, horrified parents of little Bobby are urgently summoned to a parent-teacher meeting. The teacher informs them that Bobby told the whole class that Bobbys mom is an exotic dancer and that Bobbys dad plays the piano in a brothel. "Well", says the dad, "my wife Linda is a corporate lawyer and I trade credit derivatives, but Bobby is apparently embarrassed by our career choices".
On a serious note, my parents still think I am a bank teller.
I'm doing God's work.
I listen to my testicular impulses on which companies to invest in while attempting to ignore my testicular impulses on copulating with an intern.
I find that distinction--which testicle-driven impulses to follow and which to deny--to be the primary purpose of this portion of my life.
On a related point, how women make decisions without testicles is a complete mystery.
I put two buttons and see what comes out (test engineering).
I help poor people get richer by doing things they don't know how to do! But that means I can spend a lot of hours doing nothing!
I explain to people what they're doing wrong, and laugh when they ask for help after showing them a dubiously high bill-rate.
I build big buildings
Shut down companies that dont know how to run them
Assuming I worked for a salary:
The optimistic, mainstream version-- "I provide my time to help make the world a better place, in return for reward tokens (money).
The pessimistic, truly morbid version-- "I sell the most valuable, irreplaceable thing in my life. My time. In return, they give me a few reward tokens but keep most of the tokens for themselves. After I am unable to sell my time, I die."
Provide buyers with excuses to pay too much money for apartment buildings using other people's money.
i take money from other peoples pockets...and put it into my own pocket. Sometimes....other people take money from my pockets. I try to stop them....but sometimes, i'm unable.
Genesis 1.
I help businesses grow by lending them money.
Credit Risk Analyst
You know the guy that sells Ice cream the the corner shop? I do the same with companies.
Sell-Side IB
"I already told you: I deal with the customers so the engineers don't have to. What's wrong with you guys? I'M A PEOPLE PERSON!"
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