Getting uglier in IB
Hey bois:
Facing a dilemma. Have been in banking for almost a year now in the M&A group and needless to say, have been through periods of getting wrecked. A few buddies I haven’t seen in a while recently visited me… and well, they didnt sugarcoat their surprise at the change of my appearance.
I’ve honestly been in my head about it the past week or so. I’ve been looking at old IG pics of myself and can definitely see the damage when looking at then and now — my hairline is pretty fucked, I put on like ~40lbs (material since I’m not very tall), my skin is a mess and my facial hair is a bit rouge. Overall, I’m feel I dropped like 3 pts in terms of attractiveness. When I think of my experiences in dating, (then vs now) this also rings true.
Long story short, i really haven’t been taking care of myself & am realizing I’m paying the price for it. I’d like to start now and get back to where I was…To be honest, it’d be super helpful to get some pointers. What’s some upkeep / self care tips to mitigate the damage to your appearance? Thanks all
40 pounds is a ton of weight. I’ve gained almost that since early November 2022 and just started working towards losing it all and then some. I know it’s not easy as I’ve done it before, but you’ve gotta make the personal decision.
Nobody made us eat like shit and not exercise. We chose to do these things to ourselves - now we must choose to continue living lives we do not prefer, or we can choose to do what we say we want to do.
Hey man appreciate the insight, good for you for taking the steps to lose the weight
I think for me personally, I think making my life work and being surrounded by guys made me put my appearance (and health) in the backseat. Working 15 hour days and smashing beers all weekend as a routine with guys who don’t GAF about what I look like (or are looking the same or worse) kinda made me blind to the damage I was doing.
Back at school, as bad as it sounds, I was always surrounded by women and other guys who sorta inspired a sense of upkeep with myself.
Looking at myself now, I see I haven’t had any action in a while and it makes sense as to why lol
Dont blame guys on this, but the guys you hang out with. If you focus on appearances just for women then the second you enter a comfortable relationship that will go out the window as well.
Not saying to get rid of your friends, but you definitely need to find a new group to spend some time with. Doesnt even have to be people your same age, income bracket, or as close as you are with your buddies. But different sports leagues, groups (like tennis clubs, crossfit, etc.), organizations, etc. can put you around people who are more interesting.
Life is too short to waste it pounding beers all weekend
It's because you didn't go to wharton. Wharton gives you the knowledge of how to not become hideous after college,
Long removed from my analyst days but you need to:
Cut back tremendously on the booze. That alone will do wonders for you. The binge drinking does obscene damage when you’re not sleeping or exercising.
Resist the temptation to order comfort food when you’re getting absolutely crushed at work. As happy as that pizza or pasta makes you feel on your 4th straight late night, that shit adds up.
Make time to work out even if it’s just 30-45 minutes. If that means not being out late with the boys at 3am so be it. Getting up early on Saturday and Sunday to get a solid workout pays wonders.
Changes like that will do wonders for your appearance and confidence and as a result dating success. It’s easy to succumb to your vices as an analyst because the job sucks and the last thing you want to eat for lunch is Sweet Green.
Can confirm the 45 minute workouts everyday saved not only my physical health weight wise, but also my mental health.
What do you recommend eating for dinner instead?
Cook a bunch of chicken and rice on sunday. make pico de gallo (chopped roma tomato, white onion, salt, lime juice, jalapeno, cilantro if you want). Microwave chicken and rice. add pico, cheese, light sour cream, and avocado. Cheap, easy, delicous.
time to get on finasteride
Losing the weight via diet and exercise will fix everything
Easy
Just eat less, lift 2-3x a week, use retinol and sunscreen, and get on finasteride. Thank me in 6 months
Good list. I'd add drink drink lots of water as well and less alcohol.
How to get started with finasteride? I'm a complete noob on that area although I follow More Plates More Dates. Don't you need a prescription? Are there finasteride shampoos out there, for example?
Hims is easy, go to their website. They can quickly and discreetly get you a prescription completely online. They also have a new topical minoxidil/finasteride product if you don't want to take oral finasteride.
Hims and other online businesses are an option, but I'd recommend going to a real dermatologist. Alopecia is the medical term for baldness. When I noticed my hair starting to thin even a little bit, I went in and got a script. I go in once a year to renew my prescription - good opportunity to do a skin cancer screening while you're at it. A 90 day supply of 1mg finasteride costs me ~$8-12 at a local pharmacy with a GoodRX coupon - its likely not covered by your insurance because it isn't medically necessary but its a super affordable generic medication. The face time with a dermatologist every year going forward is an added bonus.
Re finasteride, does it help primarily with head hair? I might have a bit of a receding hairline, but I'm hairy as a bear elsewhere so I don't want to become a complete gorilla
Went through something similar. Easy fix for me was to walk/cycle where possible instead of taking transport, cut the booze as much as possible (10 pints is 2,500 calories, never mind the junk food after and the recovery day after), try to eat as much meat and as little carbs as possible (choosing brocolli over rice for example) and as others have said try to workout as much as possible. It doesn't really matter too much what you do once you are doing something highly physical for 30/45 mins a day 4-5 times a week.
This post seems like more of an admission of guilt or a rant than an ask for advice. I think it's pretty clear what you need to do.. find time to workout 30 - 45 min 4 times a week. Eat less shit, use the stipend to buy a salad. Go to a barber, get a haircut and shave every morning. Get a few skin care packages.
Go to a Dominican barber, ask them to clean up your beard if you prefer having one and go 2x a month + trim etc. don’t drink or drink 1-2x a month. Lift 4x a week + run/walk 5 miles a day 5x a week. Count your calories for a week and stick to that to build a routine and you’ll notice a difference
- Go to a barber at least once a month
- Having a beard is expensive if you don't trim it yourself. Most barbershops charge 20 bucks for a beard, plus 5 dollar tip and you're down 25 bucks. Beards need a lot of maintenance, so if you go 4 times a month for a trim that's 100 bucks spent on just the beard. I would buy an expensive trimmer and maintain it myself. If you want to look younger, I would shave the beard. No reason to look older than you are IMO unless you really like having a beard
-If you have a hard time going to the gym, look into renting/buying a peloton bike. You'll have no excuse not to work out, and cardio in the morning will do wonders for your mood.
- Try to incorporate lifting weights at least 3 times a week. I follow a routine that is not considered the best but has done wonders for my physique, see below (explanation of routine is provided next to the letter and then I list the exercises below):
A -
Program for A:
forearm curls (5 sets 12 reps) and forearm plate turns (grab a plate and turn it left right, do that 10 times for 4-5 sets)
dumbell bench (4 sets 5 + reps),
incline bench (4 sets 5 + reps),
dips (5 sets 8-10 reps)
tricep pull down (5 sets 12 reps)
rear shoulder pull (5 sets 12 reps)
Explanation of A: Chest/tricep/minor shoulder day- The forearm work will warm up your joints to be able to bench. Sitting on a desk all day will make you stiff, and trust me with age you'll develop a minor case of tennis/golf elbow. I get a better pump with dumbell bench, but you can do barbell. Dips work your core strength, shoulders, and triceps. Most people neglect the back of your shoulder, hence the need for rear shoulder pulls. Rear shoulder pulls will give you a broad shoulder look, helps with posture and offsets all of the front shoulder (anterior deltoid) exercises.
B -
chin ups (5 sets 10 reps)
pull ups (5 sets 10 reps)
dumbell curl machine chin ups (5 sets and try to go as heavy and do as many as you can while focusing on the squeeze )
machine deltoid raise (5 sets and try to do 10-12 reps while focusing on the squeeze as much as possible)
kettlebell press (5 sets and aim for 10 reps)
Explanation of B: Will help you build overall strength, back muscles, with a focus on biceps. Most neglect the deltoid (middle part of the shoulder), which makes the shoulder look really pleasing. The deltoid raise will help with that. I used to have an arm day but because of lack of time I try to focus on overall strength and have seen pleasant changes to my body.
C-
Program for C:
leg curl (5 sets 10 reps)
hamstring curl (5 sets 10 reps)
hip abductor machine (5 sets 10 reps)
standing calf raises (5 sets do as many as you can while focusing on the squeeze)
sitting calf raises (5 sets do as many as you can while focusing on the squeeze)
if you have energy throw in some glute work (glute machine 3 sets of 10 reps)
Explanation of C: Legs - Glutes are pleasant to look at. No shame in using the hip abductor machine. Calves are also neglected by many, and your calves have mainly two types of muscles. To hit both groups, you need to perform raises while standing and sitting. You'll thank me when you're wearing shorts and gay people in NYC are pointing at your legs.
I tend to workout 2 days in a row, rest, and then repeat the cycle. Some will definitely criticize my routine for many reasons, including not having deadlifts/squats. I found this routine to be very easy on my joints, and allows me to build strength and muscle over time without having to spend too much time stretching and warming up. I loved squatting and deadlifting, but these exercises are a serious time sink. You need to spend a lot of time warming up and stretching, and stretching has to be done every day. Furthermore, they may not be the best method to build muscle size because the emphasis is on pushing up serious weight. Personally, I saw the best leg gains from using machines and focusing on separate body parts. My point is you do not need to do olympic weights to gain muscle.
Good luck1
hey dude I'm here to help. why your skin is a mess. just dry or seeing some spots? my GF is a derm so happy to give recs/advice.
Almonds, Almond Butter, Almond Milk, and Avocados do wonders for the skin.
Instructions unclear, do I consume or apply on face?
It would only get busier, so drastic measures are hard to execute. A little change of habit is more manageable. For me I try to schedule some small gym sessions during down time or weekends and pay attention to my diet. Try to have healthy snacks next to you so that you don't have to resort to last minute snacks from vending machines.
lifting in the gym can be a hard thing to get to after a long day. can also try walking to and from work or maybe getting off the subway a stop ewrly to get some walking in. 2-4 miles a day will def help a lot.
also download the app lose it or one of those calorie counters, if u force urself to upload your food intake it makes it a lot easier to see how u may be over eating or eating like shit and u can make a change with the calorie deficit
If you're hairline is receding, have your doctor prescribe you finasteride ASAP. The longer you wait, the more your hairline will recede...finasteride won't make your hair full again, but it'll keep what you currently have. It doesn't work for everyone but it works for like 70%+ people, so definitely worth a shot. Best of luck
I’ll pass on some good advice I got re: exercise, which was helpful when I transitioned from a phase in life during which a daily and ~hourlong workout was easy to make time for, to a phase in which it was almost impossible.
And that is: even a little exercise is better (a lot better) than no exercise.
If skipping the gym or a run entirely is a zero, and an hour of cardio+weights is a five, a 10 minute jog is like a 3, not a .83. For your body and your brain. Even that little bit releases endorphins, speeds up your metabolism, gets your lungs and heart working, and delivers a host of other benefits.
10 minutes a day every day won’t do it, so hit it hard Saturday and Sunday (weights one day cardio the next) but eat sensibly and do *something* on three of the five days in between.
I saw my friend go through this as he progressed through the ranks at MS/GS to getting MD in his late 30s. He looks 45 - 50. He found love though and is married with a kid.
Who cares. The only thing that matters for men is money and power. You could look like the elephant man but if you’re rich and influential you’d still be well-loved and popular.
Dumbest comment of 2023 award
It’s true, just look at who’s sitting in the top box at the Super Bowl surrounded by models. It’s sure not a handsome guy
You can now get a Minoxidil pill. It’s suppose to be more effective than the lotion. Minoxidil along with finasteride (both in pill form) should help with the hair loss. Been dealing with hair loss for a while and this system has helped tremendously.
The 40lbs almost certainly came from ordering comfort food on those nights you worked late. I've been there before, I get it. You're working late hating your life and you just want to eat some good food to feel better.
With a job like IB, you really have to be strict about only eating salads and bowls for every meal or else the weight gain will be insane.
Everyone is getting ahead of themselves here. 40 pounds is an outrageous amount of weight to gain. Before you start thinking about lifting and improving your fitness, you need to lose that, ASAP. Restrict your calorie intake meaningfully (consider 16:8 intermittent fasting, permanently) and stop drinking so much.
Once you're at a normal weight, then start thinking about the rest.
A lot of good advice here, but I didn't see anyone mention sugar (my bad if someone said it). Avoid sugar and drink a lot of water.
You said “I put on like ~40lbs (material since I’m not very tall)” - dude 40 pounds is a lot even if you’re 6’5’’ lol.
What advice are you really looking for?
Sleep when you can, eat less and do cardio. Getting fit isn’t a secret. Also, no one in my analyst class ever gained the full weight of a large toddler in a year, so don’t blame work and maybe look inside yourself for the reasons of becoming a tubby.
Seeing a lot of "eat less & hit the gym" advice. To me, respectfully, that's the kind of non-advice that drives the obesity epidemic in this country. We always have a plan, but we never address the fact that so few are able to follow the plan. Diet & exercise plans have been around 100 years, with a poor track record of adherence and results.
We have to address the harder question which is the willpower problem. Our OP gained weight presumably because it's hard to focus on eating healthy and/or hitting the gym, when you're also trying to scramble on work and establish yourself in a tough business.
So I think the effort level needs to be reduced, which I suspect is why keto has worked well for me. It feels effortless because you can start out eating a lot and staying full all the time, and still be improving your body's processing of fat (because you're avoiding carbs and training the body to run on fat). So it's early progress without having to fight hunger. Low willpower required. Then over time hunger reduces because of no more insulin spikes, and the weight loss is a lot more sustainable when you're just a less hungry person all the time.
That's a very good answer. The best routine/diet is the one you can stick to.
Some good advice above. I personally lost 40lb and have kept it off for 8 years. Granted, I lost the weight before I started working (which is the hard part) but kept it off thru 3 years of MBB consulting (easier to maintain than to lose, but still challenging).
I agree with others who said you *must* make it a lifestyle change and it needs to be something you can stick to. With that in mind, a few things below that helped me and continue to help:
1) Calories in vs Calories Out: This is what matters end of the day, you can get there different ways but a deficit must exist to lose weight. Shoot for ~500cal deficit per day to start off. Track for a few weeks, see how things move, and then adjust. Find a calculator online and select 'sedentary' to be conservative at first, add a bit on days you exercise, and eat to that minus the deficit you desire. When tracking weight, keep in mind the normal fluctuations of water weight, meal timing, etc. Look at measurements too.
2) Food tracking: Goes with the above. At least at first until you can reasonably eyeball / estimate, you should try to track all your food intake, as honestly as possible. Including snacks, little bites, and oils used to grease pans (these add up quick). You will get a feel for what you are eating and be more confident in the 'In' part of the above equation, which then lets you figure out what a typical days calorie expenditure is.
3) Food timing / restrictions: A few things here. First is nuts/nut butters & oil - try to limit them. These can be healthy but they are incredibly calorie dense and not particularly satisfying. Pick foods that are low in calories but high in volume or weight, as far as possible. Second is protein & fiber - these will keep you relatively more full and protein has an added benefit of high thermic effect (takes more calories to digest, but you shouldn't try to calculate / compensate for this).
Things like intermittent fasting & keto can be helpful, but they aren't magic, its just a means to hit a calorie deficit. Personally I'm not hungry in the mornings, so I skip breakfast and prefer a larger dinner, so call it fasting if you want, but find what works.
4) Diet planning: I tend to eat the same things over and over again, within reason and with some balance. This reduces decision fatigue and makes it really easy to know how many calories are coming in without having to stress about it. Reduces risk of F'ing up by impulsively deciding meals & snacks. Once you find what you like and is healthy & works, try to rotate the same few meals if you can live with a lack of variety. Can still go out and have dinners and the like, but most days this is the case for me.
5) Sparking water & coffee can blunt appetite (along with other things you could take...)
6) Exercise: I walk literally everywhere I can, its easy calories to burn that doesn't spike appetite and doesn't require any recovery, unlike running or weight lifting which can actually make you hungrier (but you should still do some more formal exercise, for obvious reasons, just pick what you like). I do a basic lifting split along with incline walking on the treadmill to get the heart rate up and help with cardiovascular and lung health + the mental benefits. Try to get stronger and/or faster. The best thing is this compounds - as you become fitter, you can also burn more calories with less effort in every session and even from rest if you start adding muscle later on (but beware adding muscle and losing weight at the same time is quite hard, and you need to add some significant muscle before its a meaningful change in metabolic rate). Plus adding muscle is very slow process, especially as you advance.
7) Alcohol: Very calorie dense, the opposite of filling, and obviously impairs exercise. But I won't say abandon booze if you don't want to, I know that's not always realistic. I stick with vodka sodas, hard liquors, seltzers - things with no carbs and just alcohol as calorie contributors.
One add: Weightlifting itself doesn't actually burn that many calories per session. It has obvious other benefits so should be done, but don't go eating the kitchen after doing some squats. The calorie burn comes over the very long term as you add muscle, but that takes a long time.
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