Going through 1/5th life crisis; broke up with my HS girlfriend
It hurts to even say my "ex" girlfriend now, but she and I broke up 12 days ago as of this post. She and I met when we were in the 7th grade, though we weren't actually a couple until high school.
I really felt like I loved her, but what we had just eventually drifted too far apart. We went to close-by schools in-state (think Duke/UNC, Columbia/Cornell, UChicago/NW, Stanford/UCB; I went to the less prestigious one). I went through some mental health issues in college that were quite severe. She was very kind through it all, but we still drifted apart. I managed an offer at an EB while she's going to grad school. I just feel so alone without her. I like my friends a lot, but it feels so odd to end the day with nobody intimate to talk to. Couple that with the stuff I've read here about the bad relationships people in IB have, I guess I'm just legit scared I will not recover from this. I'm a virgin other than with her.
I know I'm young, but the whole future just kinda scares me. I guess this is just me venting. I've been taking an IB training program recently that I've been focusing all my thoughts into, but some of my friends have said that it's "unhealthy."
“He who has a why can bear any how” until you have a life affirming and meaningful why, it will be difficult to get thru the suffering of everyday life.
"Less prestigious one" this has to be a shitpost
you would think so but nah. A lot of these nerds on this website really do speak like this unironically. Its embarrassing.
You need to find interesting/fun hobbies and interests that will make you not feel this way, and get away from the mindset that you need others to make you happy
Harsh reality is that women get over these things far faster than men. You need to be intentional about NOT thinking about it. I was going to therapy when I was dumped by my GF and the therapist gave me some helpful advice. Although this was a long time ago and I don't remember his exact wording, I'll do my best to summarize. It will sound like a silly child's game, but this guy had a PhD, had been practicing for years, and it worked wonders for me.
Basically every time you start thinking about your ex, you need to say "stop" (either out loud or just in your head) and think about 3-5 other things that you love, are passionate about, things that bring you joy, etc. It could be anything from "I'm grateful for my loving family and friends" to "I'm excited for the Champions League matches next week" or "I'm grateful that I have my health and can continue training for Triathlons", etc etc.
The whole point of this is to re-wire your brain. We all have idle thoughts, and right now all idle thoughts are leading to your ex. But by doing this exercise, your idle thoughts will lead you to all of the other things that give your life meaning. Eventually you'll start thinking more about new workout routines for your upcoming triathlon and transfer rumors in european football and less about this girl.
On top this, you should remove "triggers" that make you think of her. Have a certain shirt she liked? I'd get rid of it. Does the smell of your bedroom remind you of her? Buy some candles. Do your text message vibrations remind you of her because you texted so much? Change the pattern of the vibration.
Hopefully you live a relatively well-rounded life and you have 4-5 other things that make you happy and can take up your time. I personally spent a lot of time at the Gym (gained 20 lbs of muscle), networking / working on my career (landed a BB internship), dating other women and spending time with friends/family (should go without saying, but spend as much time with friends and family as possible). You can't fill the void of a lost friendship entirely with fitness and hobbies. If you do this properly, you will come out the other end a stronger person.
Have you dated someone else since her? How did it go?
Yes, of course. I've had several other relationships. Life goes on
It seems like you're caught up in the romantic fantasy of the "princess/prince love story." I feel awful for you- although I have never been in such a situation myself, I want to add some thoughts for you.
Bro if you drifted apart then maybe this was all meant to be. Imagine "drifting apart" when half of your income and 2 kids are tied up with her. Probably better you guys realized this now.
Sorry to hear this man, it seems brutal. Perhaps you can use this single time to work through it all so that your you are mentally ready for your next relationship.
Time will help with this, as well as distracting yourself with other things.
It honestly seems like you should look into therapy or something for your mental health issues, perhaps you missing an intimate partner could stem from using her as a substitute-therapist?
Or Mayberry to do more fun things with your friends. Like buy a 30-pack of whatever beer you like, have a bunch of buddies over for the NBA playoffs, shotgun a couple beers, then head out to the bars afterwards. Enjoy what single life has to offer because I know people who are in LTR's who "miss being single."
You'll be fine long term. The fact that you were in a LTR that long is a good sign that you're not unbearable, and it seems like your career and social life is fine. Average age of marriage In the US is like 30 now- what are you 22? You got so much time.
Literally better than half this sub, who resonate with all of this except for the "other than with her" part.
Honestly plenty of people (both guys and girls) have low amounts of sexual experience it's perfectly normal. And honestly you're probably better at sex than most dudes because most guys I know have hardly done more than a few drunken hookups. And it's not like you should be ashamed of this either because you've been in a relationship this whole time it's not like you had a 6 year dry spell.
Let's not overgeneralize here... Plenty of people in IB have great relationships. Obviously it's tough in the analyst years, but definitely doable.
I completely feel for you here. Years ago, my cousin was engaged with her middle school sweetheart, but 6 months before the wedding he cheated on her. She was devastated, crying nonstop. That was 5 years ago. Where is she now? Engaged with another guy that is 100x better than her old fiancé, and thanking God every night that she got cheated on by the old guy ("The best thing that's ever happened to me..."). Things happen for a reason.
I honestly don't think this is too unhealthy, as long as you're still balancing it with your social life. It's definitely a better way to cope than drugs and alcohol, that's for sure.
This reminded me a lot of what I went through as it was very similar. My ex and I knew each other since middle school and started dating in high school. I thought I was living in a fairy tale until COVID hit and things started getting rocky with our relationship. Let me tell you I LOVED this girl more than anything else in my life (I honestly still do love her). Not to sound cocky but our relationship was so special, it was like we understood each other on each front and were one single force. I felt I could takeover the world with her by my side, but then after the first year of COVID she said I was being distant. I was too busy working the summer of freshman year and not giving her enough time (yes my fault, but I wanted to get my bread up).
She initially wanted to take a break, I was pretty sad, but it didn't hit as hard, I was still fine and thought some time to focus on ourselves would be good. But then she wanted to completely break-up a few weeks after and FUCKKKK I felt I was sinking into a black hole. Man, I can't even put that feeling into words, I was crying on my drive back home blasting Marvin's Room and then tried to blast some Jesus Walks by Kanye to hype me up, but I was legit crying as I was trying to get Kanye to give me some strength. What made it worse was when she said she wanted to see other people, which she did not initially want during our break. She even told me about this fucking loser of a guy that she was talking to. I grew up in a small city where literally nobody in a 25 mile radius works in the IB industry or even knows anything about it or high finance in general, I was furious that she would want to maybe go for this guy that barely graduated HS over me. Yes, for me pride helped through the process, you have to put yourself high-up and not let your ego down, don't care what anyone thinks, but you have to think and act like the king you are.
What I'm trying to say is that it's not the end. A lot of people have had the same soul crushing experiences like you, but we all still pushed our way through. I felt the same way the first 12 days, hell even for the first 12 weeks. I was in a bad place, depressed, just hoping she would want to take me back. But here I am now, working out, seeing other girls, getting ready for the SA stint I put my blood and sweat into and ready to make some racks. Funny enough, she is still my best friend and our friend group is the same since we were kids, but I quite honestly don't really care that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. Do I still miss our love together? Absolutely, but I am not going to beat myself up over her anymore.
Look man, I'm no therapist, but in my mind it's totally okay to be sad, it's fine to cry, it's alright to think about the times you two had. You may think you might not make it through this, but trust me, you will. I could not get over her for the longest time and thought I was going to marry her, but then there I was raw dogging this other chick I met on tinder in the back of a SUV a year after we broke-up. The "plenty of fish in the sea" statement is true, I didn't think so at first, but it is. This goes for you ladies that might be reading this and struggling too, if that raw dogging comment annoyed you, well deal with it, but also know that the break-up is not it for you and there are still plenty of potential partners out there. The market is a lot bigger for you ladies than us gentleman.
Be sad now, when you feel a bit better, hit the gym, get your money up, get some pussy later and live your new single life. You'll get through this and find the right one for you.
Take care homie
You will date multiple women in your life whom
you could see a future with. Chalk it up to practice and move forward. I’m on my third serious relationship and I’m better able to enjoy the small moments and not worry about the future as much. I had the whole HS girlfriend who went to a different school (though much farther) and I guarantee you’ll get over her.
Do 10 things that your GF would never have let/wanted you to do.
You will recover. This relationship was a significant portion of your life and brain development for that matter. However, it’s going to take time and you’ll have to come to terms with that. There may be days where you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, that’s normal.
You will feel alone. But you’re only learning the truth that every man has to some day: you have to learn how to be by yourself, or you truly are alone. What I mean by this is, your happiness has been shared/reliant upon another person for a long time. Most, if not all, men have to learn at some point that your core happiness or satisfaction with life has to come from within yourself.
One word of advice: cut all contact with your ex, and mute her on every social that you can. Don’t go looking to see what she’s up to. Don’t drunk call her. Nothing. Frankly, this just makes you look pathetic to her and the rest of the world. And above that, it’s disrespectful to yourself.
You are young. You have time, and a great opportunity now to learn about yourself and improve your life. Now is a great time for reflection. What are things you could be doing better? What are things you didn’t like about the relationship? Be honest with yourself and you will come out of this way ahead.
I believe in you. You have a great life ahead of you. Take it day by day and remember to breathe. Also, remember that just because they’re your friends or family doesn’t mean their advice is gospel or that they even know what they’re talking about, because they likely don’t.
you're in high school....
Dude, get some hobbies. Seriously.
What do you mean by drifted apart?
Also, don’t go down the red pill/black pill rabbit hole. It’ll turn you into a defeatist loser. Get out there, hit the bars, have sex with some girls from tinder, whatever. Now that you have free time, get a good hobby to cope/distract you from the breakup. If you can pitch it well to other girls, even nerdy hobbies make you more interesting. Take as much time as you need to sulk and feel bad, but eventually you need to get yourself out of the rut.
My dudes boutta make a pitch deck with his IB course skills marketing himself
get some fun hobbies, hit the gym, download tinder, and go to bars
you got this dude
I would urge you to not see other people immediately honestly. Take the time and space to reflect on what went right and what went wrong in your relationship, how you can improve, boundaries you wish you set/wish you didn't, etc. Throwing yourself at other people immediately only distracts from the critical thinking that will allow you to learn and reach contentment. Your relationship didn't fail, it simply ran its course. Appreciate it for what it was and what it taught you. I definitely think you should hit the gym though, focusing on your physical health is one of the best things you can do period. I went through a difficult break up in the last year, I promise you will be just fine in the end my brother, keep your chin up.
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