Has anyone been single for so long that they don't know if they can/want to handle a relationship?

I'm pretty used to my freedom and being on my own. I have dated here and there, but I've moved a few times so it's never really been serious nor do either party really give it a chance. I make jokes with friends all the time about how awful dating is for our era, but really... it isn't just them. It's me.
I'm not quite sure I can nail down what it is exactly that would benefit me from being in a relationship. I have no problem with my social life or making friends at my age (thank goodness!) and am surrounded by great people, have very close serious friends as well as more fun acquaintances. Is having one single companion worth it? I the past, I've had very loving relationships but I also felt emotionally and anxiously a complete wreck, and hate having to communicate my every move.
As much as I love love, I just... feel like it isn't worth it. I don't know anyone at all that's been in a long relationship or married and is truly happy, but I meet plenty of single people that do seem pretty enthusiastic about their lives.

28 Comments
 

I disagree that the dating market is bad nowadays, at least for someone young.

1. The number of women in cities and college campuses outnumber men

2. The number of men looking for something casual is far higher than the females who are looking for something casual

3. At least in my observation, attractive men in particular are out sowing their wild oats

So if you are a male and you want a serious relationship you have an advantage

 

Men have to create their value woman are born with value. Thousands of new woman turn 18 every single day. Men have to work hard to shape themselves into a high value man and only then can they reap the rewards of their efforts. This is why high value men are rarely truly monogamous in the modern day. Men have to sacrifice a lot to just get in the position where a woman will give them the time of the day, and this is why once men reach that status (Wealth, confidence, physical body/appearance) they want to play and not settle.

They finally, after years of toil and hardship, have been given access to the candy shop and want to try all the flavors. 

 

Women don't have to put effort in to get dates but men do?  What kind of incel shit is this?

If we're talking about sleeping with attractive women, I'm almost certain that any dumbass 18 year old guy at ASU is "higher value" than you, and he didn't sacrifice shit.

Many college campuses and educated urban centers have far more women than men.  And among the men in those places you have a chunk of virgins who can’t talk to women and a chunk of “chads” who only want casual sex.  So if you’re a single guy you’re in high demand

 

Have you ever used Tinder dude?

Girls will have hundreds of messages from guys. They can line up 2 dates a day for a month in advance if they want to. Guys are working with a much lower number of connections and even fewer messaging them back.

Men who are average or below average will struggle in online dating. What has happened is now 50% of women are now sharing the 10% most attractive men.

 

Your view is utterly divorced from reality. Men obviously have to do all the leg work. All women have to do is stand there and wait for an approach. The only thing they really have to do is look pretty.

 

I'm in a similar position. I've been "single" my entire adult life and I am almost 30 years old now. I have had numerous flings, casual/exclusive relationships, hookup buddies, etc. but never anything I would consider "serious", I've always been focused on myself or some other girl. I do think I fell in love with a girl in 2019 but she ended up moving across the country about 5 months into us getting to know each other. 

So, to your point, I am also nervous about my ability to withstand a relationship. I've never lived with a girl, even when i go on trips with a girl i take a shit in the hotel lobby instead  of our room's bathroom. Interest in all of my other flings faded within a few months...even if i find "the one" who is not to say interest will start fading within a few years?

 
Most Helpful

You have a couple choices here.

a) You can sit back and relax and do nothing, hoping the right girl will fall in your lap.

b) You can actively seek out girls online.

c) You can actively seek out girls in person.

d) You can meet girls through hobbies/gym.

There are probably some other ones too, but the point is clear. Sometimes you have to step a little out of your comfort zone to meet a chick. Do you just want to wait for destiny to fall on your lap or do you want to actively pursue a hot chick? The choice is up to you. But, doing nothing has consequences. You get older and before you know it, you’ll be 70 years old and lonely wondering why you didn’t ever meet anyone. 

It’s really not that hard to get chicks in your circle. Start out by just saying hey - nice to meet you. Then skip the number part and just leave and hope you see her again. Then get her number the second time. 

In some way, like everything else, you just have to put in the effort. Start peacocking - don’t be just another brick in the wall. No girl wants a lazy boring guy. If your career is strong that’s also a major plus. Girls like ambition.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
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