Has anyone ever made a career decision based on their significant other? I’m not talking minor decisions like big ones like going to a specific b school to be in the same city or taken/passed on an exit opp for someone? I’m not talking some fling you wanted to keep knocking boots with but like a serious 1-2+ year relationship. How did it work out? Was it worth it?
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I'm going to answer your question with questions.
Would you be willing to sacrifice your career goals for a SO?
Would you guarantee that 5-10 years from then that you won't resent your SO for interfering with your life plans?
Damn you’re good
I dont think I’d be ok sacrificing my goals for my SO but maybe a 1 year delay in them?
I think if I seriously derailed my career there would definitely be some level of regret and animosity there.
Currently stuck with something so was hoping to hear some stories to see if any would align with mine to compare my thought process to
There was a thread that I think you should look at : Take Offer In Diff City To Get Over A Girl?
Relationships are fickle things. You could be in a great relationship for 4 years and plan on marrying the girl of your dreams and then it comes crashing down in an instant because the girl got cold shoulder or something strange happened like she cheated on you. I'm not saying it happens all the time, but that certainly has happened to people in this forum or on reddit etc. Also people these days have dating apps that gives them access to the dating pool at the tip of their fingers making it harder to maintain relationships from a distance.
I was in a similar situation as you where I was seriously considering derailing my life's plan to be closer with a girl in IB, but she broke it off with me because she was busy (w/e that means). It left me shook but it gave me time to ponder about this. Best of luck to you
If you are in a serious long-term relationship that does not have any clear signs of friction then I think its totally reasonable to pass up on an opportunity for a SO. Often times people talk about the regrets/resentment that may arise from forgoing an opportunity for a SO, but think about this in reverse. Imagine you end things with the SO, take the job or whatever and end up struggling for several years if not decades to find someone you connect with on that level again? The regret from that decision could eat you alive. I also think there are other variables that are critical. Eg: Would you be moving because he/she has a better opportunity (and could support you should the job opps in that area be a dead end)? My gf and I are both making good money and on a good track in our careers, but we have discussed that if one of us gets a life changing career opportunity in another state/country that offers unique upside, then the other one would make it work.
Sorry I kinda rambled, just my $0.02.
EDIT: Age is also important, if you're talking about moving states and passing up a first year analyst position or something like that for a college gf, then that may not be a wise choice. My comments apply more someone with at least a few years of experience and an established relationship out of college.
Wow thanks for this great response - gave me quite a bit to think about. It’s not as drastic as giving up a first year position more like pushing back PE recruiting (doing off cycle or doing on cycle before 2nd year) to aim for the city she’ll be in (much less room for her to move due to Her moving for academic reasons)
the girl will be there. you’ll be making enough money to visit her frequently. if it’s meant to be you’ll get through the time period apart and come back together stronger. I would be looking our for #1
Yeah it’s definitely a tough decision. But you could consider long distance. I’m generally a vehement opponent of long distance unless the couple has direct line of sight to moving to the same place in a pre determined timeline. When that timeline is unknown it’s basically unbearable and more than likely going to fail (based on what I’ve seen/experienced). Best of luck.
Pick yourself first when you are younger. There is a narrow window wherein your career trajectory has the potential to be very steep so take good opportunities when you can
Let me just say that if the girl is worth it, it will work out for the best for both of you. And she might seem like your dream girl in the present but what’s important to you now may be vastly different from what you find important in 5, 10, 20 years
It's a trade off but compromise is needed.
stolen from another thread
Rob O'Neill (man who killed Osama Bin Laden) joined the Navy and then the SEALs to get over a girl. Given his track record, I think it worked out well for him. And it will (hopefully did) for you too.
I think a good SO would never force you to make a shitty career move if they truly care. As long as you talk it out and seriously discuss your future together, you can find a way of working it out. I also think that people get a sense of "giving in" if they allow someone else to influence any aspect of their future career, which I don't think is true. As you go further in your career and your priorities shift, you can adjust your optics and see what you truly want from a job. If I managed to find a well paying firm with nice people and interesting work, would I mind moving from a Tier 1 such as London or NYC to a smaller place like Madrid or Amsterdam? Sure, why not. Would I take a minor pay-cut, provided the household income was stable and I maintained a job I like with interesting people? Sure. It wouldn't kill me to go from $100K to $80K. Often time I think that these moves are made because one person had very few choices, whilst the other has plenty. It also depends how adaptable you are to new people, jobs and places. I think making an altered career choice for an SO is fine in most cases, provide they are sane and you've talked it out.
I’ve never met anyone who’s glad they did it.
It’s not even that the relationship always fails. Even if it goes well, they later realize they could’ve made it work long distance.
My fiancee and I coordinated our grad school search, applying to the same schools and whatnot, and our job search, focusing on the same cities, so in a sense we both did.
I do not regret it at all, as we're still together, and it's not like we didn't know what we were doing.
Yup, left my job in NYC to move to the Midwest to be with a girl. Things didn’t work out like I thought, but I don’t know that I would’ve been able to live the thought of always wondering what could’ve been?
I have a great job here in CD and have made great friends. Things could be worse I guess.
This was after two years of long distance.... luckily I worked in consulting so was able to visit pretty much every weekend on the way home from client site.
Respect, man. Gotta live your life and take a chance sometimes. They don't always work out, but taking the chance is important.
Thanks, a lot of my buddies back in the city still give me a hard time about it. My SO and I aren’t on bad terms, I just was in a bad place when I first moved.... if there is any advice that I can give anyone considering to do this, it would be to not move for the other person.
If you go into it with the mentality of “I did this grand gesture for you” things will never work. Nothing they do will ever be able to 1 for 1 match the sacrifice. I struggled with this at first and that’s part of why we didn’t work out. The mindset should not be one of sacrifice, it should be one that looks at the improvement that being in the same place will bring. It took me a while to realize it, but if there is one thing that I would change it would be having the mindset of moving to start a life for “us” rather than moving for “her”.
ask yourself: 1. would your SO do the same for you if the decision was reversed? 2, is there a ring on the finger, or plans in the imminent future?
if no, to either of these questions, then do you and don't factor your SO into the decision.
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