Help. Really struggling
I really need advice / perspective.
I am an analyst at a BB finishing my first year. I really don't think I'm cut out for this job and I'm not sure how long more can I sustain. I'm thinking of maybe quitting after getting my bonus, and I wanted to ask for advice/perspective from the forum.
For context, I'm not based in US/London, but I work in a regional financial hub. A lot of my analyst friends have been laid off recently and my team has been affected too. I'm the only first year analyst left in my team at the moment (the others got laid off). I already found my team to be borderline toxic when I joined. (One of the the seniors literally told us we paid to suck up their abuse and others would happily do that for half the money). After the latest rounds of cuts, the seniors have gone nuts and are demanding for unrealistic work to be done. Naturally, given the group's culture, they only lash out at us when we try manage their expectations. It also doesn't help that the culture is extremely hierarchical and none of the EDs and VPs would dare to manage the MDs even when they demand for non-existent data/unreasonable analysis.
I'm diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety since college, and the dosages of my medication have been going up since I started working. My doctor tells me that it's a losing battle. I have gained so much weight over the year and I have lost interest in meeting friends or doing my favourite activities. (Not that I have the time nowadays).
I used to be one of those kids who envisioned a career of IB + PE + MBA + PE = success, but I'm very disillusioned now. I'm no longer enthusiastic about going to the buyside after seeing how my clients are basically doing banking 2.0.
I think the best thing that I can do for my health and wellbeing is to tender my resignation after receiving the bonus, but everyone around me is telling me that it's a bad idea given the market environment. I have been monitoring the job market too and it does seem quite impossible to get another job if I really decide to leave. I sometimes look at my colleagues who were laid off, and I feel really sorry that they have to go through this anxiety. That being said though, every day I kinda wished I was laid off instead, at least I would a severance package and some rest.
At this point, I don't think I'm a good fit for banking. I look at the VPs and EDs in my team, and they just seem miserable and anxious of getting fired. They are here because they have mortgages to pay and kids who attended expensive private schools.
Sorry for the long post. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on my situation. Any advice on what other career paths I can consider would also be really appreciated.
Get. out. Nothing is worth your health. The point of doing a job like this is to be happier overall (only do this job if the money/exits outweigh the cons). If you’re depressed and miserable, go do anything else. You’d be better off bartending on an island than being miserable day in day out. Work at a startup or something fun worst case or volunteer for the Red Cross and you’ll have a badass story to tell Bschools if you want to have the option to get somewhat back in this industry. You deserve to live a full and haply life
If you are thinking of leaving after your bonus which is believe will be sometime next year. Maybe start looking for middle office roles now
I agree with the above posts that absolutely nothing is worth your health, and it does sound that serious.
The only thing I do think worth mentioning, however, is that this is NOT endemic across the industry, and what you are experience is a reflection (unfortunately) of a bunch of rotten apples at your firm, rather than any indication that this is about you. It's always worth testing the water with some recruiter if you haven't already, even if it's just to establish some relationships to help you get back into the industry (if you want to).
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