"How are you?"

I always found it odd how Americans ask each other this question - strangers, lovers, and everyone in between... I don't find much offensive. I actually don't even fully understand what it feels like to be offended. I have some theories how it's a made-up word used to control people and will be looked back upon unfavorably. Maybe if the Russians had invented it sooner, the USSR would still be around today. But I think the closest I've come to feeling this American feeling of "offense" is when people ask me how I am.

I never claim to be a good person or this that or the other, don't compete in the virtue olympics, checked out of all that. But two things I hold pretty close to heart are that I'm honest and I'm nice to strangers. And when you ask me that question, you make me have to choose which one of those I'm going to neg on. And you also make me have to make a decision. And that uses energy and don't you touch my fucking energy you fucking peasant pigeon.

Good

Fine

Doing OK

Getting by

I'm doing alright...

Phew, made it through that one. Close call, bud. You almost spilled the beans to that cashier.

But it doesn't end there. What now? Thanks? Thanks for asking? Now I gotta thank this asshole for some shit I don’t appreciate? I appreciate that even less than the other thing.

And oh god. Are they still looking at me expectantly? Are they wanting me to ask them how they’re doing? Oh my god I’m barely holding it together right now can I please have my bag of dildos and leave now. Tick. Tock… Ughm. They’re still looking…

“How are you doing?”

I never stick around and wait for the reply. I don’t even grab my bag of dildos. I dart out the store cloaked in 13 sunglasses. I’m out of there.

Also, are you people aware your site is in such a state that I have to open up word, type messages into there, and paste them into your... message board? I'm not telling you it's right or wrong one way or another. Just an interesting way to live your life, I suppose.

32 Comments
 
[Comment removed by mod team]
 

Biggest lol is when someone asks you how you’re doing and you’re like ‘fine’ and then you say - how about you - giving them the chance for the biggest case of verbal diarrhea to outflow and you’re sitting there thinking I just want this barista to give me my latte... 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
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Bro when I see a reply from you I get so giddy. You're either like a total fucking condobro or some fucking wokeass philosopher motherfucker. Nothing in between lol. I fux with that. If it wasn't this reply, you were gonna say something about how we're all one and shit, innit?

heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 

haha exactly 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

Also, are you people aware your site is in such a state that I have to open up word, type messages into there, and paste them into your... message board? I'm not telling you it's right or wrong one way or another. Just an interesting way to live your life, I suppose.

sites gone shiet after the update, everything is lagging and I still CANNOT LINK IMAGES directly from the world wide web 

 

Does anyone ever answer that question honestly? Like not counting friends and shit. If I ever asked some random person who was serving me food or ringing me up how they were and they answered honestly I'd kind of respect it. Otherwise lets just skip the exchange. A robust guy nod is enough for me.

Dayman?
 

We got T-boned by a cement truck in Bavaria last year. Flew like 10 yards off the road. Car was smashed to shit. Sat in hatchback trunk thing in the rain for 6 hours waiting for cops to show up. Two dudes smelling like liquor eventually pulled up bumping Dido and gave us a ticket for being a public nuisance.

heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 

Yeah, I really hate this small talk because it's not genuine. It's only seen as a form of etiquette or a way to "warm" people up. With people I'm close to, I know I'll get a real answer. Otherwise, with those I'm less acquainted with, it just seems fake. I think it's also a big deal in American sales culture to get people to like you and think you're nice for asking how they're doing. It's a facet of customer service everywhere that the server at your restaurant, the clothing store associate and the big sales guy all have to follow.

 

I detest the question. I always respond "doing well" but never ask people how they are unless it's a genuine question. No one--ever--has said, "Hi, how are you?" and expected a real response. What am I supposed to say? "I'm feeling kind of depressed. I feel a dark cloud today." 

In an informal setting, I'll say "yo" as a greeting. 

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