How Do The Wealthy Do The DMV?

My license expires in August and I'd been putting off going to the DMV to renew it. Last week, somebody pointed out that my license plate sticker was expired. I said, 'What the fuck? I bought a new one last month.' Well, I guess people steal license plate stickers. Lesson #1: When you see license plate stickers with diagonal razor slashes, that's to prevent people from peeling them off. I asked at the DMV and this is legal to do (the slashing - not the stealing). So now Goldie's gotta go to the DMV to get a replacement sticker and renew his license. I get to the DMV on Friday. It had been like 5 years since I'd been to the DMV and I forgot how long it takes.

I get there at 2:30 planning to be out by 5 pessimistically with a renewed license and a new sticker. I finally get through the series of lines and I'm told I have to take the written test because I got a ticket in 2015 (going 105 in an 85, but cop was cool and dropped it to a no seatbelt; my bad - didn't know Iowa had police). I have to take the normal written and the motorcycle written. Lesson #2: Read your shit. I haven't ridden a bike in 4 years and don't intend to start, but I said fuck it, let's renew it. It's an asset). So I pass the normal test and fail the motorcycle part by one question. I can ride a bike, but I can't explain how to do it and shit. By now, they're closing and I'm told I can't buy a new sticker that day. Lesson #3: Do the most crucial shit first. Lesson #4: Arrive at the DMV with plenty of time to spare.

So I go today again at 7:30, stand in line after line, buy my new sticker, and fail the motorcycle test. Again by one question. You get three attempts. I ask them to retake it and they tell me there are no retakes on Saturdays. Lesson #5: The DMV doesn't do retakes on Saturdays. I say fuck it, just give me the normal license. I don't need the M-class. They tell me I'm gonna have to restart the entire process regardless. I got shit to do at this point so I leave. I got my sticker, so now I have another 6 weeks to renew my license. Game plan is to go to the suburb location when I'm out there, take the test again, and just take the regular D-class if I fail the motorcycle part again.

My wife and I got T-boned by a cement truck in a rented Ford Focus in Bavaria a few months ago. Everyone was fine. Car was totaled but my CC is covering it. By the time the tow truck came and we got another car (they gave us an Opel as punishment), we had wasted a day. I was watching Comedians in Cars with Seinfeld and Amy Schumer in a Delorean. The car broke down one block into driving it. They Ubered to a coffee shop and a backup Delorean was waiting for them when they got out. A backup Delorean, folks. My current financial goal in life is to get to a place where I don't have to go to the DMV or wait for tow trucks. I don't need a driver, but I want to be able to easily afford for someone to just bring me a new car and handle the logistical/paperwork shit for me. Does Kanye have to stand in line at the DMV? Does Jamie Dimon? Does a $20MM net worth entrepreneur? How about 10? 5? How do they logistically handle this?

How much convenience can you really buy? And where do you buy it?

 
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When I was 16 taking my driving test - I started chatting up the guy next to me in line who had just pulled up in a BMW Z8 (not sure if you remember those, but $150k bmw convertible, Bond drove one). He explained that he worked for a car collector - some centimillionaire, no doubt, who had 100+ exotic cars and he was responsible for coordinating the maintenance on them - which apparently included dealing with registration and such at the DMV, Now I'm not sure that this guy was able to outsource the renewal of his actual license, but it seems like basically everything else could be done by someone else.

 

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