How do you find a good partner?
Mid 20s consultant here. I broke up with my long-term GF a month ago and sadly that means I am back in the dreaded dating scene again.
I’m 5’8, in extremely good shape, and have great photos of myself. I’m also very extroverted and have no problem chatting up strangers. Also know how to be emotionally supportive and treat a girl well. However, as much as I would love to swipe on hinge for 6h a day or cold approach every weekend, I am quite frustrated with the sheer amount of people I must churn through (and time I thus waste) to find just one who is remotely aligned with me.
In college, I’d automatically be into girls if they were hot and could hold a decent conversation, but my brain has developed slightly so I am looking for more substance.
Chiefly:
1. Discipline to manage their life responsibilities (health, fitness, finances, living space). I am honestly shocked at the number of attractive girls I’ve met whose personal lives are a total mess - blowing their paycheck on stupid shit, room looks like a garbage dump, have never worked out in their lives or starve themselves to stay skinny, etc etc. If they were my guy friends I’d call them bums.
2. Reciprocity. A healthy relationship can’t be me doing everything while the woman sits there looking pretty and says ‘as you should’.
3. Similar professional backgrounds. My ex worked a lifestyle back office job and could not understand why I couldn’t spend every night calling her when I was held up at work, and we would have nonstop stupid arguments about it. Perhaps finding someone who is more educated & working in a highly-regarded profession (finance/consulting/medicine/law/engineering etc) would ensure that she ‘gets it’ too. We’d probably also be able to relate to each other better.
Dating apps seem pretty bad for this these days, and meeting friends of friends in third spaces has been way better but this doesn’t happen often enough.
Currently typing this as my Hinge date for the week has rain checked for some bullshit reason, and honesty I’m ready to cash my chips in and exit the casino. I just want to find an equally-attractive partner who is aligned with me, but this is an even bigger grind than recruiting lol. My parents advise me to just chill and let it happen naturally but these days that seems like a speedrun to still being lonely at 55.
Monkeys, any tips for a struggling single ape like myself??? How do you find a nice woman you can take seriously?
It’s a numbers game unfortunately. You say you don’t want to spend time but it will take a lot of time. The good news is that you only need to win the game once!
I used to stack multiple coffee dates on one day. Then if I really liked someone I would immediately ask her out to dinner that night.
I also used to have a split employee running my dating apps lol.
But Ive heard dating apps are much harder now than 2019 or so when I met my (now) wife.
I don’t think your demands are unreasonable. My wife didn’t have a crazy job (chill role in credit making low 6 fig) but she “got it” and understood I’d be working a lot. I think setting the expectation right away is good.
What I would NOT do is stop playing the game. Like you said it’s a good way to end up alone lol. I have lots of insanely qualified friends that fucked around too much and are now single for no good reason. I mean guys making 7+ figures, good looking, etc. They didn’t put enough effort into dating and just banged random ppl for too long. The pool definitely gets WAY worse after 30 it seems, based on what friends have said. YMMV.
I better get cracking then yikes
For what it’s worth, my match rate, match quality, and match receptiveness on Hinge/Bumble/Tinder were actually better when I was in college than now. In fact, it’s been declining year over year, despite me glowing up, having better photos, and a wider age range of girls (my age or younger) to swipe on. Match group needs to be broken up
Same for me. My hypothesis is that the ratio on the apps is worse. Probably 10/90 split now, and the 10% don't swipe as much as the 90% (male group). This means lots of the time your card and swipes never even get shown. Thoughts?
same. I think you're correct that Tinder is more stingy now with showing you to girls than it was 5-10 years ago. now they have multiple tiers of boosts, which is how they're trying to make money, and to make people buy them they show you less if you're not using boosts.
Just curious how old are your guy friends that are making 7 figures and good looking? A lot of my friends and I are nearing our late twenties and trying to quit our soul-sucking corporate jobs. All of us make in the $300-$400k range but want to quit and settle down. We are totally open to raising the kids and personally tutoring them outside of school to make sure they don’t end up retarded. All of us in this specific friend group went to a top 30 school at the very least, some even ivies so the children shouldn’t struggle in school.
Most of us are 5’8”+ and around a size 2 with good skin if your friends are interested. Only thing I’ll say though is all of us are looking for guys over 6’ because we like to wear heels and are already taller than average without shoes.
I don't wanna sound like I'm coping here because I'm not that short but why do you need them to be taller than you so badly. Most dudes would not care if their attractive wife or gf was taller. They will protect you all the same. Only 14% of men are over 6'. How many of those do you think earn in the range you guys do? Someone your height or taller should be fine, who cares if you're taller in heels? Why is this so important to you guys?
what is that split employee thing?
del
Ok passport bro.
Broad process, sponsors, strategics, SWFs, etc.
I’ve had several friends find good LT relationships on the apps, but I’ve deleted them. I think the apps are a crutch that people feel they can fall back on, but, at least for me, there is a 0% chance I find my wife while swiping through hinge in between sets at the gym.
Where will you find your wife then? I’ve heard this at bars too, “no way I find my wife at a bar like this” and I respond the same way. If not on the apps or at bars/clubs, where?
Friends of friends is a very limited pool of women at the end of the day, there’s gotta be a way to meet more.
(1) i would prefer bar > apps every day of the week - never understood why this one gets hate; if you're a girl in your 20s what else do you do on fri/sat night? (2) other public places - I would like my significant other to like going to the places I go before I meet them, so this is a natural filter (3) just do stuff - ive met several girls because people I know know that I play tennis and they say "hey, my friend is looking for a partner to hit with"
Late 30s, soon to hit the big 4-0. Dating pool isn’t so bad (SoCal), but what I find works (we’re about the same height) are in-person organic meets and referrals. Definitely out of shape on my end, but what works is good conversation and proper hygiene.
stupid to get married and have kids. honestly, nothing will ruin a man’s life faster than a woman ;). I say that half joking, but seriously tho. Who needs the complication. often the prettier the girl, the more trouble she is
Half agree with you there. Feel like it’s really difficult to find an attractive woman who is still single and not delulu/volatile. Often get 2 of those 3 at best, which isn’t good enough
This probably says more about you and who you're looking for than it does about women in general.
This is a finance-bro site. Finance bros, especially on this site, are notorious for leading with their money and self-perceived status. Of course the women who respond to that are going to be "volatile" women only interested in dating someone for their money or status. That kind of person is probably more likely to be crazy in the first place.
Maybe if you don’t say things like “delulu” as a grown man, you’ll have better luck.
You mentioned you're a mid-20s consultant - are you planning on getting an MBA at any point? It's a bit funny to think of recommending a man to go to an MBA program to find a partner, but its the most stacked dating pool that aligns with what you describe matters to you. I wouldn't recommend attending a top MBA program in search of a partner, but if it is a career step you already expect to pursue, then maybe relax a little bit until then and see how that pans out.
Funny enough, I have a M7 deferred admit in a few years I’ll probably take. A bit depressing to think that that could be my last ‘best shot’ to find someone if the next few years don’t work out.
If you don’t find her in your MBA class, you’ll definitely 5x your network and reset your in-person social reach which is extremely valuable. Go out often, go to networking events, go to all other grad program events outside of your mba program to meet other smart girls — be generally liked by many women (with many strictly platonic relationships) so you get access to their referral networks.
Hobby activities. Tennis, running club, pottery, whatever floats your boat. You start off with a shared interest or passion versus some rando on an app or at the bar.
If this is your attitude towards dating, the color me skeptical that you know "how to be emotionally supportive and treat a girl well."
Your basic premise is that you aren't interested in putting in the time to get to know people, you want someone to do that work on your behalf, which sort of obviates the entire concept of having a relationship at all.
Your parents are correct. You're what, 25ish? You've been out of college for 3 years. Acting like the next 30 are just a blink and poof! you're 55 is the most absurd thing I've ever heard.
If you want to meet someone, you need to put in work. Go meet people in places where you'll find someone whose values align with yours. Dating apps are great for what they are, but of course you're gonna have people cancelling on you (as I'm sure you've done to others). The experience of meeting someone on apps is so ubiquitous and replaceable that no one feels like they're missing anything.
Go join a club or a special interest group that appeals to you. Meet the person first and arrange the date later and you'll have way more success
What this poster said. Usually in-person is more desirable and generally speaking, we are social creatures.
In my undergrad, we had a martial arts club that had a lot of grappling (similar to jiu jitsu). Lot of couples emerged from there, and got married. Something about rolling around with someone to build up affection.
I was in my college’s MMA club lmao this is accurate
If you're extroverted and have no problem chatting up strangers, as you say, approach in person. It'll give you much better results, especially given your height which is crucial for success on apps but matters much less in person. It's a numbers game, so for sure it'll take a lot of time and you'll have to be ready for tons of rejections, but it still can be fun if you keep positive attitude.
Yeah I just deleted hinge. I feel like my ability to conversate and keep a positive attitude IRL deteriorates the more time I spend on the damn app because I get so frustrated at the algos. Let’s see what the rest of 2026 brings
One of my close friends is in his mid-30s and is a naturalized US citizen who originally comes from a non-Western culture. He recently got married to a very pretty and sweet girl about 10 years+ his junior. They met the old fashioned way through their mothers (it was essentially an arranged marriage). This is how marriage was done for thousands of years. The way people have relationships and get married these days in the West is a very recent phenomenon. For some reason there is a stigma about arranged marriages in modern Western culture, but I think there is no shame in it. If you are open to it, you should ask your parents (really more your mother) about setting you up with someone.
If that is not for you, I would suggest (as others already have) of going to a top MBA program. You would be surprised at the number of people (mostly women, but also some men) whose secret motivation for attending business school is to meet their life partner.
Ahahah my parents give me shit for being single but I am FULLY open to being setup by them or literally anyone. Coworkers etc have put me in touch with their daughters to no avail.
Think B school would be my most likely shot of naturally meeting someone aligned with me
That's great for your close friend! Similar thing happen to one of mine too. I used to playfully tease him about it but he seems really happy and it wasn't like he didn't try. He had a few serious relationships beforehand.
Can also ask cousins / extended family if you have big families. It's not unheard of in some Asian cultures to meet your partner that way (although most American born Asians would probably prefer marrying those who grew up here).
My ex-wife was similar to yours in a low ambition, low risk job and constantly causing friction about my work hours, etc. I thought the solution was to find a woman with like career goals and aspirations. After a decade of dating that type, I came to the realization that I did not want that either. I just wanted someone understanding. That is not to say she is lazy and does nothing, but trying to find the female version of yourself to align is a dead end. I wish someone would have explained that to me when I was younger. Now I am dating a girl who works fully remote, relaxed, mostly stays home takes care of the house, etc. She likes to clean, I like to cook. We are not the same person at all from a career perspective, but we both care about our health, family, etc. Search inside yourself and figure out which one you want. 9/10 times, nobody that is a career focused ambitious guy wants a partner that is the same. Funny thing is, we found each other when I was not actively dating at all. I had determined to be the happiest best version of myself I could be and if someone came along that complimented that, great, if not, oh wells. Maybe taking a break from the apps and some soul searching will put you in a better place. Cheers and best of luck.
I can't tell you how to find a good partner, because I haven't myself. But as a mid 30s bachelor, who has flamed out of my fair share of relationships. Hopefully the below knowledge drop helps:
My biggest piece of advice for anyone in your position is to focus on being the best version of yourself and let everything else fall in place - get in great shape, dress well, have a great career / income, have friends / interests, and have a life that a women wants to be a part of. I don't know anyone who makes money, hits gym and is a likeable person who struggles dating. In fact, I can't even get through all my queue of women because I don't have the time
Good luck
It's literally good school and good job That will reduce your top of funnel by 99%.
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