How many friends do you have in your city?

Been thinking about this a lot recently. Most of my friends and colleagues in finance are pretty lonely all things considered, like they have friends of course, but they don’t seem to have the vibrant social lives that I would generally consider “normal” or “healthy”. 

Meanwhile my friends in other sectors, like the doctors, even lawyers, seem genuinely happier and have more flourishing social lives *on average*. This ultimately just leads to better lives generally - better vacations, better weekends and just a happier state of being. Note i’m mid 20s so friends are probably slightly more important for me now than they will be in future.

So how many friends do you have in your city? And are you happy with that number? Why/why not?

11 Comments
 

Quite a few

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

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"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

Most of my friends are either finance or tech.

Tech have more events with more people (picnics, parties, etc), finance friends mostly link for bars/clubs on Friday or Saturday night, sometimes food. Usually have a tighter circle. Although I get the sense a lot of my cowkers in finance don't have many friends.

I'm also in my mid-twenties so feel free to to PM if you're looking to get a bigger friend group

 

For lawyers and doctors (and big tech as well), you're building a social network with a "cohort" that expands as you age. You have this with your consulting/IB hiring class, but it's a lot weaker for many past the first few years of school, not sure why.

I share your observations.  My lawyer and Doctor friends in the DC area have way more friends and connects, than the few finance/goverment/government tech people here I know.  Lonliness is pretty much the standard.  Don't know if post grad life in the states was always like this or not, but it sucks indeed.  

Most advice isn't even that helpful, like "putting yourself out there".  The best thing that could happen to you is that your friends from childhood and university age with you, and you all as a group develop together.  It's just such a pain building up a social circle from scratch when working long hours.  

Keep you old/school/college friends to the best of your ability, is all I can recommend.  I say this as someone who has digital nomaded for a yr, and has a strong family/ethnic community in my locale.  

Manhattan might be the exception, and DC is also pretty good, but everyone needs to come to terms with the fact that close family, school friends, ethnic/religious community/associates, are really what will sustain you as you age.  

 

I see comments like this all the time and don’t get why.
 

I moved to a new city (not one of the ones you mentioned) and made a ton of new friends mainly through playing different co-ed sports or going to different meetups. It’s been a few years now and I’ve done multiple vacations with different friend groups, have a very full social schedule and continue to make new friends.

And I’m a person that’s typically more shy. If I can do it, anyone can do it. Why discourage others from trying? I did it in my late 20s but know people who moved in their late 30s and had similar levels of success

Array
 

I get you, and it's exactly how my life is now.  It's better than it's always been.  Meeting people in general isn't that hard, and if your sociable, you're going to have a good time.  

I read this post as "why don't I have meaningful blood relative type friends", for which the answer is obvious, there are only so many individuals who're going to fit that.  

 

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