How to develop a social life late in college
I’m a junior student who was really social in high school and early college but didn’t develop a great social network because I didn’t rush my first year. I regret not rushing but I completely underestimated how important greek life is here and I wasn’t huge in the party scene.
I rushed my sophomore year and ended up pledging at a frat where I didn’t mesh well with the people and ended up getting dropped because I missed a “mandatory brotherhood event” right before a superday. I ended up getting a great offer, which I am extremely grateful for, but I have felt increasingly lonely and lost this semester because I haven’t had the stress of recruiting distracting me from my lacking social life. I also live alone because all my past roommates are in their frat houses. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even know who I’ll live with in NY next summer, which continues to stress me out.
I’ve tried to remain involved on campus but it’s hard to get close to people when it seems like everyone already has their group. I truly miss having a solid group to hang out with. I’m making this post because it’d be great to hear if anyone has had a similar experience and how they coped, and I’d just like some reassurance that there will be things to look forward to socially after college.
Any clubs you can join? Other non-greeks?
If the school is mostly Greek, it's a tough slog.
Even things you're partially interested in, go to meetings or whatever.
Similar experience - I changed schools my sophomore year to a school 3x bigger run by Greek life and didn’t have access to all the freshman matriculation. The friends from high school I had had strayed relationally or mentally, so I was really there on my own, with no real way to meet new people.
Best thing I can recommend is get involved in something you actually enjoy - for me it was club basketball and real estate club.
At this age you also have to invest in relationships $ if you want to build them. Buy people drinks, coffee, meals, books, pick them up, whatever. Investing in others like this gives them a positive tangible resource they can connect you to and say “oh yeah I like that guy he took me for coffee once and was cool.” This may sound like buying your friends- so be careful with who you do it with, and don’t sustain it, but it is a strong way to get your foot in the door upfront and actually begin to build relationships. Notice the similarities to fraternity life here.
I rushed AKPsi in an attempt to combat this, but way too late. My school’s chapter is really small and even more competitive- you almost guaranteed have to rush twice if you’re not a brand new freshman. By the second go-around, I was a year from graduating and no longer eligible. Make use of the resources you have access to- it will get even harder after college.
Keep in mind that it takes time to build new relationships, and any overeagerness will appear clingy and desperate.
My problem was I wanted other people to make plans. I was the orchestrator in high school and realized how many friends I lost when I stopped trying to string everyone together, so once I got to college I didn’t want to force anything, which almost became antisocial. The biggest key to creating a close group is frequency of interaction. As I said before it takes time - the more you can accelerate that, the closer things will become. Make moves, doesn’t have to be anything big but just linking regularly will go a long way.
Just wanted to chime in because I feel as though I am in the exact same scenario. Current junior with a great internship coming up, but didn't join the frat I was rushing freshmen year and feel as though I am isolated here. Know a bunch of people but no one close enough who invites me out to dinner/hangout.
I think about this everyday and although it can get to my head, I remind myself how lucky I am to even have this education and summer analyst role. I certainly keep myself open to letting people into my circle but it seems as though everyone already has their group. Perhaps it's the school culture. Can't say I agree with what most of these kids do anyways (drugs/alcohol) frequently.
Fortunate to have some really solid friends that go to different schools, and talk with them a lot, hope to come together as we enter the work place.
If you ever need to talk feel free to shoot me a message!
Looking forward to New York as I see it as a new beginning in some way.
Just graduated and went through the same thing.
My regret is believing people thought I was strange or did not fit in the group. I can assure you that is never the case. Go up to classmates after class/ clubs and see what they are doing. 99% of people are more than willing to hang out with someone that's fun to be around.
You still have 2 more years ahead of you before work occupies your whole life. Don't continue making the mistake I did and enjoy yourself.
Majority of my friends if not all were outside of my major. Met a lot of them through playing basketball 5 times a week. Eventually people were hanging out for a few drinks and dinner. Started hanging out socially during the week. Ended up having a small group to bar hop with every weekend my senior year (especially fun because one of the guys used to bring his girlfriend who often brought a lot of her friends with her so it wasn't just guys).
My freshman year friends ended up being incredibly fake so I was sort of a loner for most of my sophomore year (also was struggling academically in the 2nd half of the year, almost lost my scholarship due to a very poor semester). I met the people in the above paragraph during my junior year.
I transferred as a senior, plus did a 5th year. It is hard.
I joined the finance club as an officer, which helped as we had lots of meetings and dinners with our faculty advisors and peers.
The bigger thing I did was to start bartending at two of the top campus bars. You literally get to know everyone, and if you aren’t a big drinker, it doesn’t matter because you are working.
Spot on here! I was just a barback and doorguy but working at the top one or two bars at your school can expand your social circle exponentially. A great added perk is being able to skip the line when you're back for a tailgate those first couple years out of school, too.
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