How to fail upwards
In comparison to most of the users on this forum, I lack any ambition and I am shocked that I've made it this far. I've been working for a reputable UMM PE firm in NYC for about 2 years now, and by all accounts from friends and family, I am a complete clown. I'm barely able to function in my current role (regularly fucking up, giving 0 fucks, etc.), and am becoming increasingly jaded / disillusioned with the idea of working indefinitely with complete nut jobs whose response times to emails are <20min at all hours of the day.
Rather than looking for advice about how to be a top performer, I curious to hear thoughts on how to be an absolute dog shit analyst in PE / IB while avoiding getting the boot. Put another way: I am looking to do the least amount possible for the next 3-5 years, collect some semblance of a bonus, and then leave this godforsaken industry forever. Seeking advice from any and all bottom performers (srs). Thanks!
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Ahh fuck, am in the same boat. Always had an imposter syndrome type feeling. I look around at my peers and am like how the fuck did I get here. I've also lost a lot of my drive and banking ambition over the last two years which sucks because I was always top bucket.
I don't intentionally screw up but I'm not dropping my 110% on everything. My work product has definitely regressed a couple of notches. It doesn't wow anyone or have amazing insight, it's probably somewhere between "decent" and "good", at least a level or two below where I was. I'm quite comfortable with how my MDs and our core client coverage thinks and views things, and that really helps. I think what really what carries me through are relationships and social capital.
I don't fuck with the junior team, they're the HEMI engine in my minivan. I staff them fairly, give them room to grow, client/senior exposure, roll up my sleeves and get into the work (reluctantly), I train them (half heartedly), push back on unreasonable deadlines and NEVER EVER throw them under the bus or take credit for their work. I like them, they like me and have dug me out of some holes. They're good peoples and I will always go tot bat for them. This is relationships + social capital part 1.
I have good relationships with the right seniors. Have worked with all the MDs at one time or the other, thankfully before losing my drive lol. Have a reputation. Am told am likeable (whatever that is, I don't want to be it) and some of our bigger coverage names have apparently enjoyed working with me. I get a lot of bonus points from senior bankers for keeping the staffing efficient (I don't really) and recruiting rockstar juniors (they're fucking amazing). This is social capital part 2.
I do pull my weight, execute whatever files I get and do a decent job, although NOWHERE NOWHERE near what I'm capable off. Given my situation, am certain I have a ceiling unless I pull my head out of my ass but who the fuck knows. I made it this far.
It’s called being physically attractive and socially capable. You tend to get a longer leash, particularly if you aren’t smuggling two meatballs and a sausage
OP in 20 years: I’ve accidentally become CEO of Blackstone, what do I do?
Ask Kamala Harris she could tell you
If you were a doctor, an academic or bartender you would probably feel the same. It is imposter syndrome at its finest.
This is fucking amazing
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