How do I find purpose in life after so many failures in everything ranging from friendships and love to endeavours in my interests and career?
Where do I get motivation after losing something that was the only thing that made me happy?
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Zyzz, we’re all gonna make it brah
Make it to where?
Everyone has a little bit of zyzz in them brah
forever mirin
find God
this unironically, but also learn more about yourself and find out what really interests you and then go from there. It would be ideal if your interest is also lucrative, but it's not the end of the world if it isn't. Your interests will also lead you to finding other like-minded people and make you a more well-rounded person in general, after which point fulfillment will come before you know it. Just don't be a dick to people and then it'll be ok. To quote Ricky, "what comes around is all around."
Based Kanye
One of the first steps (in my opinion) is to distance yourself from social media. I've found that by turning my eyes away from Instagram and such keeps me from constantly comparing myself to my friends in various aspects, whether its their vacations, jobs or even friendships. By doing so, you kind of isolate yourself in a way that allows you to keep your eyes on yourself and your own goals.
Catholicism
Summary - do good works for others and you will be fulfilled and at peace.
Have you ever gone on a traditional spiritual retreat like at a monastery? I found a Trappist monastery by me that I'm going to check out, but unfortunately they aren't large enough to have any work volunteer opportunities on site like how some of the other ones do (an Ora et Labora type thing). There's one in Big Sur along the coast in California that sounds interesting (https://www.contemplation.com/work-at-the-hermitage/).
I’ve visited a Trappist monastery, but haven’t done a spiritual retreat there.
I’ve done a year long spiritual retreat at Madonna House. I would recommend it. You can go for a minimum of a week. It doesn’t cost anything. It is Ora et Labora.
https://www.madonnahouse.org
https://www.madonnahouse.org/programs/programsguests/
The following is all my opinion so take it with a grain of salt and feel free to disagree.
Many people find meaning through religion. There is nothing inherently wrong with that, it's one of the main purposes of religion. I think we create religion to help us act well individually and as a society. So each religion serves the specific purposes of their founding community. There are a lot of good rules in religions, but they're justified by Holy decree and not logic. This makes them easy to follow but hard to refute or understand.
It's like Chesterton's fence. Don't take down a fence if you don't know why it was put up. Similarly, don't scoff at a religious principal until you know why it could be useful.
But there are also a lot of really bad decrees in religion. And it can be difficult to parse the good from the bad. On balance, I think people can create better life philosophies for themselves. I view religion almost as a crutch. It's useful, but better to walk on your own two feet. But this takes a LOT of work. And, more importantly, wisdom and good thinking. You need to have good aesthetic sensibilities for good and bad ideas.
One way to develop this is to read a lot, listen a lot, to the greats. The academics. The credentialed people. Fully understand their ideas. Then you can start playing with them and being contrarian. But I really think you have to start with the best stuff first. Everything is derivative from it. So if you don't start there, you can easily get trapped listening to nutjobs or bad thinkers without realizing it.
So. You start developing a coherent life philosophy. Good. Write down some rules. Maybe some Virtues, like Ben Franklin. Or just generally rules to live a good, fulfilling, meaningful life. Like tips for yourself. Borrow liberally from great thinkers. Then you iterate.
You adjust, add, subtract based on how these rules map to your life. You read biographies of great people. This stress tests the rules. You read literature. You watch movies. You experience the world for yourself. These all help you think about your life philosophy in practice.
Eventually it all becomes a nice framework. But of course, you may be totally wrong. Be willing to iterate.
Personally, I think finding meaning is tied to achieving flourishing. For me, that is accomplished through the following:
I've spent time figuring out what these things mean to me. What does being virtuous mean? How to define being healthy? How much money do I need? Your list may look different. Mine may not be complete. But figure this out for yourself. Think deeply about it. Meditate. And live well.
Good luck! Let me know if there's anything I can expand on
By quitting banking
It's cliche but you gotta go within to figure that out.
I haven't read it yet but people say Victor Frankl's "Man's Search For Meaning" is life changing.
I think one of the best things you can do is just go try things.
I had a bad breakup and spontaneously took the train from Penn to Montreal for a night to just get some space, went to one of those stupid sober morning rave things (Daybreak, I think), any number of things that just seemed different to what i would otherwise do - go to museums, events, travel, something new and see if it sparks anything.
It's not a secret that this work is soul sucking if you make it your whole life - you need put in some effort to break out and find what drives you.
Sex is the only purpose in life (biologically speaking, of course), so it would be wise to seek it out as much as possible.
Pizz you doing alright?
dude even when you find your purpose it still sucks. hope that gives you some solace. lol.
Know that you have a long life ahead of you bro. If u havent found it now, u'll find it later. All those failures are setting u up for smtg big down the line, u just havent seen it yet. Good things dont come quick, especially smtg so profound as your purpose in life
think of what makes you happy and do it. it can be family, kids, relationships, hookups, traveling, religion, work, money, power, drugs, etc.
Some things that helped me during university and overall:
Engage in charity: I co-founded a local student group, which focussed on raising awareness for blood cancer and fighting it. Met a lot of great people (mostly med students) and we did some cool campaigns. There are tons of these out there but they kinda shed light onto sides you usually rather skip as no one likes to look at the grim side of what life can contain as well. Or cooking at Ronald McDonald medical houses, they host cancer patients (childrens and their family), so they can get better treatment than in their home countries. You can often join there and cook for the parents with others and give them a break from all the misery surrounding them. It doesn’t cost you anything but hearing their stories, their will to fight for and with their kids and optimism really broadened the horizon, especially about what I liked to complain. Another important lesson I got was giving back. Many here are privileged af, even though the view might get blurred when you fly so young so high. Can’t stress this enough but it’s the most rewarding feeling , when you just do it cause you want to do it and can help others.
Intense exchanges: I used to go once a week to a medical lecture about forensic medicine. Was so interesting as a topic but also when you see a dead body in front of your eyes, you can reflect about your own life (kinda like ping pong) and suddenly realise what’s important to you and what’s not as death is right in front of you. Was the best self-therapy I ever did, lol. But also more extreme sports like downhill, skiing or just running till you can’t anymore and then only start turning around, knowing you’ve to go all the way back. I felt during these moments of pain, my thoughts were more clear and it helped organising my mind (plus at some point runners high comes into play, which is awesome but stay hydrated if possible). Same can be done with literature. Take for example Rousseau’s social contract or Montesquieu’a Persian letters or Marc Aurel’a cognititiones. Reflect their ideas upon yourself and ask yourself what you think a life is worth of living, a state should be, build upon which principles and which ones you should carry and can contribute for yourself, your friends and family and society.
Guidelines: as mentioned above by someone else and for the literature, write things down for your life, that important to you, especially principles you wanna life by. Keep them as standards for yourself you’re working with and for to find a meaningful goal for yourself. By time you’ll see how certain things change and decisions you make might have been different without these. It’s an interesting process to observe and reflect about.
Can there be done more or it be done in a complete different way? 100%, but everyone has their own weaknesses and strengths, pasts and experiences as well as beliefs. You just have to find the ones important to you and for this, many ways lead to Rome as they say.
Failure, fear, and the loss of everything we value in life is guaranteed. It's a built-in feature. Everything that is built for us to consume paints a different picture, where there is progress, purpose, value, hope, happiness, luck, love, and meaning. This stuff is made up, it's fake. The Russians have a saying. Don't hope, don't believe, don't ask, don't expect, don't fear.
Kid Cudi said "keep movin forward", so imma do that
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