I cannot take this anymore

I will preface this by saying that I am extraordinarily grateful to be employed and making a generous salary. However, I am at my wits end. I realize that I do not have very defined career goals (e.g. I was never an IB --> PE --> HBS track type), but one who saw work as a means to fund my life. I never loved my job, but sticking it out has been worth it these past four years because with out my job I wouldn't be able to pay down my debt, travel to cool places and have the funds to do cool things in NYC. But with COVID, I no longer think that my job is worth it, and my mental health and job performance are both suffering. Moreover, I am having a hard time working out of my small and stuffy apartment. I dread rolling out of bed and logging in a few feet away each day. Again, I understand how lucky I really am when I take a step back, but I am struggling to see the point. Each day I am getting closer and closer to just quitting, even though I am in no position to do so.

81 Comments
 

Well then quit, snort a fat line and do what you really love in life, what's the prob bro?

 

I keep hearing similar words/posts across a variety of people.

look, you don't have to sit at home. WFH is just a recommendation, there are rental offices that are sterilized, you can go to a coffee shop or drive to an AirBnB, disinfect that spot and work from there. you can also work from your garden or go to a park for a few hours as long as you have wifi or mobile data.

if you truly hate your job, then go ahead and figure out what to do next.

 
[Comment removed by mod team]
 

I'll bite.

No, I don't think there's a conspiracy theory as to coronavirus, but there is terrible management at the local levels. I was for "15 days to slow the spread." I was for flattening the curve. I'm not for an endless lockdown, especially after we threw social distancing out the window in the wake of the George Fetanyl Floyd riots, which probably wouldn't have been a thing if the wife beater Attorney General Keith Ellison released the bodycam immediately and showed maybe there's more to the story than just the one cell phone video. So point being, right now we have petty tyrants at the local level, Bill de Blasio being one of them. And yes, I do think police need reform, especially with no-knock warrant abuse (fully for justice for Breonna Taylor). No, I don't think a guy who pointed a shotgun at a pregnant women's abdomen, or that straight up criminal Rayshard Brooks, are good posterchilds for your movement.

If you're going to say though that cases didn't spike in Minneapolis or Portland after the riots--then congrats, you just made my point. The lockdown made sense at one point. It doesn't make sense now. "When the data changes, I change." We once thought the virus had a 2% fatality rate which could clog up ICUs, and the data now show that to not be the case, either from better treatments (HCQ, Remdesivir, etc.) or from just understanding the virus better, but either way we're nowhere near the 2% panic button number.

And no, I don't think the Bill Gates 5G cell phone Illuminati are out to get me...so we can put at least that particular ad hominem to rest.

 

Similar feelings, I just posted a thread essentially asking how I can “let go” until I’m laid off without absolutely obliterating the relationships I half value at my bank

Best of luck bro hopefully we both find what we’re looking for

 
"Air Ball Mafia" Similar feelings, I just posted a thread essentially asking how I can “let go” until I’m laid off without absolutely obliterating the relationships I half value at my bank

Its usually best not to fade. You might need recommendations regarding this job experience later from a future employer.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

deadass I feel like I wrote this post too. My apartment isn't tiny, but I do feel sort of cramped in it after being here all day, so the past few months I've been trying to go for a walk after work every day which has been nice, and starting tomorrow I'll be able to go back to the gym after a long time after having surgery earlier this year.

About slightly over half of my friends are in long term relationships and I feel like the pandemic hasn't been that bad for them since they can hang out and whatever, but it's starting to wear down on me mentally how lonely it can seem. My roommate left recently, who was a piece of shit to begin with, but we did occasionally banter which was nice time to time. I've been calling friends when I walk after work and feel like I've been more on the phone in the past few months than I have in my entire life.

I'm also studying for the CFA which is going to drain all my time. I don't like my current job and am actively recruiting for other opportunities, but it's been painfully slow, so on a day to day basis it feels like I'm making almost no progress. Instead of just relishing every moment, I feel myself getting really impatient just wanting to get a sense of satisfaction/accomplishment with a change that would better me. Working out is going to help (I feel like being healthier in general puts you in a better baseline mood), but I'm craving more, and I feel like a lot of people in a similar situation right now feel the same way.

 

If you can put your problems down on paper this well then surely you can also come up with some moderate solutions to them (and that kind-of appears to be what you're doing with the walks and calls). There are apps now where you can literally date friends of friends (CMB and Hinge), maybe give that a try also.

As for the CFA, I would try alternating learning styles. i.e. instead of 8 hours of the same shit back-to-back-to-back, you could use standard lecture formats to go through the books/topics, i.e. continuously build a lot of houses instead of building the same house from scratch to finish. If you've been in the AM forum, you would quite often see people say that it is viewed positively in the field.

 

WFH does suck (Congrats Dave for snagging that ticker)

Honestly, I try to get out as much as I can, but it's just not the same. I love my job, but these have been a rough couple months.

The only difference between Asset Management and Investment Research is assets. I generally see somebody I know on TV on Bloomberg/CNBC etc. once or twice a week. This sounds cool, until I remind myself that I see somebody I know on ESPN five days a week.
 

Go on a job search. But stick it out until you have an offer that you've signed.

I know it's frustrating and the whole WFH is driving you a little nuts, but you should absolutely try your best to keep a cool head. Also remember that most of us are in the same boat.

If you are passionate about something, then focus on it when you're not working. Despite my daily runs and cooking experiments, WFH got to me. So, I started focusing on another passion of mine, Economics & Operations Research (when I'm not working that is). I've got some research ideas that I'm following up with. I'm even thinking about starting a blog where I can jot down my thoughts and research ideas. Hopefully I can take advantage of it when I apply to PhD programs.

 
"Milton Friedchickenman" Go on a job search. But stick it out until you have an offer that you've signed.

Yes - key

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
"Associate 1 in AM - FI" I will preface this by saying that I am extraordinarily grateful to be employed and making a generous salary. However, I am at my wits end. I realize that I do not have very defined career goals (e.g. I was never an IB --> PE --> HBS track type), but one who saw work as a means to fund my life. I never loved my job, but sticking it out has been worth it these past four years because with out my job I wouldn't be able to pay down my debt, travel to cool places and have the funds to do cool things in NYC. But with COVID, I no longer think that my job is worth it, and my mental health and job performance are both suffering. Moreover, I am having a hard time working out of my small and stuffy apartment. I dread rolling out of bed and logging in a few feet away each day. Again, I understand how lucky I really am when I take a step back, but I am struggling to see the point. Each day I am getting closer and closer to just quitting, even though I am in no position to do so.

Sounds tough.

You need to do a high HR activity to get your mind right. Do some athletics.

I've done years of WFH and its all about keeping some good background noise (music or TV), taking off to the gym whenever you're free, and also you have the benefit of traveling to different places to WFH.

Make things fun however you can. Have you seen those taxi drivers that just talk on the phone all day? Make some calls to people. Catch up. Network.

Study/research if you want to if you can multitask. Take your mind off the work, but also do the work effectively. I binge watched multiple shows when I was WFH just living on Excel (excel modeling all day every day) - find a good environment.

The grass is probably not greener on the other side. If you take a purely fun job away from the computer, you may take a pay cut. Also, if you need some time to think about it, maybe take a vacation or extended weekend to think about career choices and your desires.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

Some advice.

  1. Separate your working space from your regular life space - don't have your laptop a few feet away from your bed. Have it at the kitchen table or something.
  2. Find somebody to be there for you in times of emotional turmoil.
  3. Based on your position and the sector you are in, I'm not quite sure why you feel that a career path that is fully thought out is a necessity. You're clearly trending up based on your position.

Quick side-note: Lifting weights still continues to be the #1 thing to get a mans thoughts off some bullshit, so try that. Don't got weights? Do some pushups and squats.

To me it sounds like you're lacking connection, whether that be emotional, physical, sexual, you name it. Call up some of your friends and do a Zoom or a Discord call where you drink beers and shoot the shit.

 

My buddy was in a similar spot and pulled the trigger on 3 different one week rentals up state in the woods and near the coast (NH and MA). Mentally it saved him. Get out of the city for a bit, it’s summer time bro.

And yes he did work from each of those locations, but a change of scenery makes all the difference.

 

I'm miserable, too. On paper I'm doing fine--I'm wealthier than ever, Covid has helped me lose weight, I'm gainfully employed, I've taken the opportunity to finish up my master's degree in accounting, I've started a new business, finished renovating my condo, etc. But Covid is destroying my life. Even as a generally introverted person, I can't take this isolation much longer. Teleworking is miserable, especially since there really is no place to go and hang out with friends outside of work (if they even want to hang out--most of my friends are shaking in fear over Covid thanks to the media's endless disaster porn). You can't even sit at a coffee shop because there is no dine-in allowed.

I read that something like 25% of 18-24 YOs had considered suicide recently. I'm not in that age range, but for the first time in my life I've considered suicide. This year is pure misery. Human beings were not meant to live like this. We're with you, OP. You aren't alone.

Array
 

eh eh eh ayeeeeeeeeeeeee sauce aye ayeeeee

ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

im a fuk yo bish until i pass out

ima smoke this kush until i pass out

ima flex up until i pass out

i be at the bank u kno that ii cash outt

im gonna quit banking myself and do something like become the next MMA champ or join the Navy Seals -- im too alpha to be spreadin comps and banging libs from tinder

https://media1.giphy.com/media/h81Mo7mzRVSQcajGqw/giphy.gif" alt="uber" />

 

I feel like a lot of folks will identify with this, both in WSO and outside of it. We get into jobs because we want to earn a living. And then before you know it, you're an Excel jockey. You know there's misery and suffering out in the world and that you should be grateful, but the self-actualizing part for your own life is missing. Good luck man. Hope you figure it out. I can't say I have, but I'm trying. One thing that may help is to actively practice gratitude. And I'm not talking about some foofy new-age bullshit gratitude. I'm talking about how even if you do plan to move on, change jobs, etc. keep on f-ing grinding, because your co-workers can sense if you're slacking and being a piker, and that risks you losing your job, which will cut back your options.

 

You know there's misery and suffering out in the world and that you should be grateful, but the self-actualizing part for your own life is missing.

The self-actualizing isn't happening because too many people define themselves by their work (which unless you are your own boss will ultimately disappoint you), or even worse, don't have a good way of defining themselves. Self-actualization is difficult to achieve, and it's a lot harder when you aren't even aware it's the issue. 

 

Man, it is OK to not be OK. This is probably the first time you are feeling like this - it can be a downward spiral when you do not know how to fix this as a high achieving person. It is ok to just let go and try to accept it without wondering what you can do to fix this.

Do something with your hands. Buy one of those plastic model airplanes on amazon and then put it together. Or buy a 5000 piece lego set. Do something that doesn't let you just sit in your brain thinking all day.

 

Purely hypothetical. For those miserable during during covid wfh, if your bank offered you half the pay to work half the hours, would you take it? And then when things are back to normal salary / hours return to pre-covid normal.

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I'd rather them double my pay for double the work. What do I do with my time? Everything is shut or only partially open and my friends and family are in a near-panic over COVID, even the ones who are young and healthy. Hell, my brother has had COVID and is more or less immune for the time being and with his non-stop MSNBC/CNN watching, he is still personally concerned.

Array
 

have you travelled anywhere? somewhere seaside in Maine, mountains of Vermont, etc., could be a great getaway. rent a car (I know you can afford it), check on the WiFi connections in advance in case you need to work, bring some good books and spend a long weekend doing nothing.

what kinda hours are you keeping?

you sound like you clearly don't like your job. be honest, what's holding you back from quitting? do you have financial obligations you wouldn't be able to meet, or just lifestyle desires you wouldn't be able to meet? one is solvable immediately, the other takes more time.

with the time you're not spending travelling and doing cool things around NYC, how are you spending that time?

 

You don't have to work out in an apartment. There are many parks in the city (like East River Park) that open at 6am and close at 1am, are free, and have plenty of room for working out. 

 

So you drank the kool-aid, and now you're having an epiphany because your "dream" was just that, a dream? If you were smart you would have saved the money you made and started buying investment properties. Bought my first a year ago at 27 and can't complain. All these companies will shift to WFH and tri state property values will skyrocket. Start doing something that will help secure your future, not somebody else's. 

 

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