I miss home
Saw another post about this a while back. I am from Texas and went to school in Texas as well. Post grad, I took an AM job in NYC. I terribly miss home as I simply do not think I can adjust to the culture here and my mental health sucks right now. I have friends here and it is fun at times but I really do not want to live here any longer. I am thinking about trying to find a new job in Dallas/Houston. Is it bad to do this after only 4 months on the job? What is the acceptable timeframe for leaving a firm post grad?
Do what you want
You sound like a wife on the verge of applying for divorce. Lol
You’d likely be able to find a good job back in Texas, so it’s perfectly fine to look. As far as avoiding all awkwardness around being a flight risk or leaving too early, that would go away at around 12-18 months (closer to 12). I say look for stuff you like back in your neck of the woods if you’re feeling really homesick. Otherwise, in the meantime, you can stick it out and try coping by having a good time with friends. Maybe the homesickness subsides. Maybe it doesn’t. No harm in shopping around for stuff closer to your folks. Hopefully I covered your bases here. Cheers
Two solutions.
1) Find a new job in Texas and who gives a fuck about how long you have been at your current job, just say you need to get back closer to family for personal reasons.
2) Quit being a bitch and get over it. Seriously in this age of soft fucks where everyone is all mental health obsessed I swear people are actually making themselves depressed by worrying about this shit. I am perfectly fine with people looking out for their own mental health but I would say that 80% of the issues that exist today are from people who worked themselves up by listening to the constant complaining of their peers.
uhhh cringe? How are you to tell people who has mental illness and who doesn’t? Who are you to tell people how it should and should not affect them? I assume you are some undergrad or highschool kid who is obsessed with Nelk and frats. “Stop being a pussy” haha how awkward and cringe are you dude?
How do you tell who has mental illness and who doesn't? You send them to a fucking doctor that is how. My point was that we live in a society of weak pussies who have zero ability to cope with any kind of hardship. This is a big fucking problem in the world today, we have institutions and systems that succumb to the loudest complainers. This will get worse until people with actual backbones start to stand up and tell people to grow the fuck up
Do you know what is actually "cringe" unironically using the word cringe. I told the OP they can either nut up and deal with it or find a new job and move. Those are the only two actual answers. But Mr. "mental health police" over here is worried about using blunt language. Fuck off.
"I assume you are some undergrad or highschool kid who is obsessed with Nelk and frats. "Stop being a pussy" haha how awkward and cringe are you dude?"
Dude I get you dislike what he said, but holy kek is someone really jumping the boat here. Project much?
Dude has a point. These days people are a bit too eager to jump to mental health/anxiety/depression. Social media makes us think we should 100% happy balling out all the time when often pursuing your goals involves periods of feeling lost and uncertain.
OP is is way out of his comfort zone a new job, in a new state, surrounded by people he doesn’t know very well, far from home and the people he knows and loves. He feels a little lost, isolated, alone, out of his element, and missing the familiar.
All of that sounds perfectly normal to me? Not a mental health crisis by any means. That’s just what it feels like sometimes to step out of your comfort zone. You take a dream job in a major city and there’s an adjustment period where you aren’t 100% happy. I think OP can go back to Texas right now but also not a bad idea to give it 12-18 months, experience the suck, see if it gets better with time (things almost always do) and even if it doesn’t he’s got a good life and career experience out of it.
Yeah, Its barely 100 days. To a certain level OP may have not even full let go yet. Its always rocky to move to a new city, but I do kind of agree that he sould at least try and hit the 6 month to 1 year mark.
This, the
>mental health meme
is the dumbest thing zoomers have ever invented. You're not SUPPOSED to be happy 24/7; feeling moody doesn't mean you're depressed you dumbass. Grow some balls.
You're getting MS but spot on. Expect to see a huge difference between current generation and Gen Z/young millennials on 'mental health' aka folding to adversity at any chance.
Life has never been easier so people make up problems because they dont have real ones. Sad to see.
LOL, people think they can impact my thoughts with monkey shit. I am not that much of a pussy.
Are there specific things you miss about Texas? Or dislike about New York? Assimilating into a new city and life is always difficult, especially it you have never left home, so it may take some more effort and time to get adjusted. Focus on yourself and do what is best for you. Mental health is important, ignore the idiots up there who say it doesn’t matter.
Mostly just the very open culture. I find people to be very cold and very much minding their own business type here (which is something I know is a big NYC thing) while I found it much easier to make friends and chat with strangers in Texas. A bunch of my kids from my college also came here so I have friends but I feel like overarchingly it is not the "vibe" I enjoy. Some other small things, - football. I know its a cliche for Texans to be into football, but even in college there would be a ton of kids from my university going to the Friday night games at the local high schools and that is something I definitely miss here. Things along those lines.
I actually was supposed to move to Texas, so this really makes me wish I moved there but give it more time and branch out a bit whenever possible. You could try going upstate or go out on the island if you ever feel trapped in the city. See if anyone from home can come up and visit. It'll get easier and you may even find yourself loving it at some point in the future. Good luck.
As someone who also hated NY when I first got here - I think it would make sense to give it at least a year (unless the mental health is really taking that large of a toll on you). 4 months, especially in the Covid era, isn’t enough to judge a place. If after a year nothing’s changed then at least you have more work experience and know for certain this place isn’t for you.
New York is not everyone’s cup of tea and that is OKAY. If you think you will thrive and do better in Texas then float your resume to recruiters back home and keep grinding. I understand that the power point shuffle isn’t exactly gratifying, especially when you’re in a high rise where you have no one to relate to. You are perfectly okay looking for roles in Dallas/Houston/Austin and in the current labor market will be a massive premium just because you have “NYC” on your resume. Life is too short to not do what you want.
"Optimal time" is dependent on the next employer who wants to hire you. If you get an offer, leave.
Forced corporate loyalty is a concept put out by miserable middle-aged corporate drones who want you to become a miserable middle-aged corporate drone.
This isn't family who will actually look out for you or care for you. Corporations will drop you at a moment's notice.
I enjoy visiting NYC for work; but would absolutely hate living there for an extended period of time. I like my ‘space’
with that said - gotta at least stick it out a year or two for resume purposes, and for general life experiences.. don’t want to be 50 years old one day regretting that you didn’t make the most of our this tiny blip on your life timeline
Hey man, similar boat. Have been in NYC for 3 months now after moving from Texas where I grew up and went to school. New York City Fucking sucks lol but you need to have that assumption baked in. It’s hard moving from the best place in the country to one of the worst (at least were not in SF). You’re in AM, so I’m going to assume you have a bit of control of your life. You NEED to be getting adequate sleep (8 is average, some people need more, others need less). You NEED to have a healthy diet, and to be physically active. Buy vitamin D pills if you haven’t already. Push through, make it at least 12 months here and then the position you’ll be able to land in DTX/HTX will be worth it. Don’t make the time you have to spend here be for nothing. Godspeed
To add, I recommend taking 5,000 - 10,000 IUs of D3 per day. Multivitamins only have like 1,000 IU in them.
^^Second on this. When I joined the military and moved from Texas to nowhere, the first 6-10 months were really tough emotionally - then it was much easier. Obviously there were physical challenges, but the emotional challenges were the real test. I missed home, friends, family, and freedom/control over my life. The best advice I can give you, as mentioned previously, is to be physically active, eat healthy, stay in touch with friends from back home, and the two most important things that had the most significant impact on my well-being were to make new friends and LAUGH. Trust me when I say this man, you gotta have friends that you can laugh through the shit with. Anyone can poke fun at this idea and call it what they wish, but its a huge pillar in getting through hard times. Those people probably haven't spend days/weeks/months being hungry, cold, wet, in pain, [insert adjective here]... you get my point. Being able to sit back and laugh about the bullshit and laugh through all the suck will put a smile on your face, and that's infectious. I can't tell you how many times we found ourselves laughing after having been put through several days without food, little water, moving on foot for God knows how far under 100+ lbs of gear, hallucinating from lack of sleep, only to end up laughing so hard that it hurt. After a good laugh you would always pause and think to yourself, "How TF am I laughing right now?" - but our entire mood would change instantly, and that's pivotal. Long-winded, but I wanted to get my point across with a real-life example. It doesn't matter where you're from or how badass you may think you are, everyone deals with this in one way or another. It's whether you choose to crumble beneath it, or come out on the other end a better version of yourself. I'm not afraid to admit that I had cried when I first left for the military because I missed my family and friends back home - I'm a better version of that person today, because I took advice from others who had been there before, and I pushed through it. Whatever you do, NEVER quit.
I did the same thing earlier in my career. You are young so it will be a blip on the radar down the road. Do what makes you happy. Job market is super hot right now anyway.
Op - Can you stick it out till one year? I know it must suck, but having that one year mark will be very beneficial when you look for other jobs. When you leave after a short period of time (without securing another gig) people think its a red flag and question if you were fired etc. Good luck to you.
One short and very explainable stint at a job at the beginning of your career would likely have no impact on future employment. If you are not comfortable with working in NYC, you should look to leave. If you are looking for jobs in Texas, an employer based in Texas would appreciate your issues.
I went through this to a far worse degree being locked in my apartment during WFH in a new city - not even gyms were open. I had just started so I literally had zero friends in this city. My only social interaction other than virtual (Zoom) was playing Xbox with my friends back home (which I bought during the pandemic to help keep me sane). My advice would be to stick it out until you can make a good exit back to Texas that you feel good about. The last thing you want to do is call it quits, throw away all the hard work you've done, and look back a few months after moving and think "dang, if I was able to just tough it out for another ~6-9 months I could've made an exit I could be proud of." Basically what I'm saying is, you don't want to have regrets, and you can have BOTH a job that you're proud of AND live near home and have strong mental health, but that it may require you make more sacrifices for a longer period of time now.
Hi OP,
I am from Houston and I can 100% tell you I know what it feels like to go from that and live in the Northeast. Living down in Texas, was really a different world. Everything was slower. People were genuine. People were nicer. It was more of a family environment. However, there is nothing to stop you from moving back. Dallas and Houston are the fastest growing cities in America. Plenty of opportunity. Plenty of my friends left TX and went to the NE or Cali and several ended back down here. They did it because they had a different lifestyle in mind. They want a nicer house, they actual want to drive places and not get stuck in a subway with some weirdo banging drums.
Eh....I've lived in both the North and the South and think there are positives toward both in terms of people. In the South, you are far more likely to meet people who are nice and hospitable on the surface but could give a fuck less about you underneath. In the North, people are rough around the edges, but once you become a friend, it's a much closer friendship where people will really go to bat for you. Also, big cities in the South are increasingly becoming about as hospitable as any other major city in the US....which is to say not very hospitable at all.
Umm doesn't this apply to everyone that becomes a friend. Seems like a generalization to say that friends from the South suck and friends from the North will all help you.
Funny, I am from Texas, went to school in Texas, and am taking an AM job in a city similar to NYC (but smaller). I am concerned I will get homesick and scared of being alone/away from family.
In your situation I would start looking for a new job where you want. I'm absolutely sure that it's terrible to be in stress all the time.
You just need to give it some time, you will go through various cycles of emotions when leaving your native home for the first time. I had the same experience the first few times I moved away from my native country but it will pass. If you want to see friends and family at home it’s just a plane ride away unless AA cancels the flight.
I would dig deeper into the reasons why you don't like NYC. If your hobbies are hunting, fishing, football, etc., then yeah. Just turn around and go back to Texas. If you just want to go home out of a general uneasiness with the new environment, then just give some time. This is an adventure that you'll look fondly upon years from now even if you go back to Texas.
I'm from the south and felt this as well when I first moved to the city. Please stick it out at least a year (I would say two). I hated it at first but the longer I've been here, the more the city has grown on me. You just need to find your people here and it'll be surprising how quickly you'll adjust after that
Anonymous MonkeySaw another post about this a while back. I am from Texas and went to school in Texas as well. Post grad, I took an AM job in NYC. I terribly miss home as I simply do not think I can adjust to the culture here and my mental health sucks right now. I have friends here and it is fun at times but I really do not want to live here any longer. I am thinking about trying to find a new job in Dallas/Houston. Is it bad to do this after only 4 months on the job? What is the acceptable timeframe for leaving a firm post grad? I always wonder about people like you, why change is so difficult. Can, you expand further? I moved to the states from a different country and I never went through this, even lived in different states, not knowing a soul except my ex at the time.
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