IB or GF

Currently recruiting for IB, my gf's friends hate me. They believe I do not spend enough time with my GF. I go to a non-target, so I have to work extra hard to break in and they don't get that. She gave me the ultimatum, drop IB or drop her. What do I do?

 

I was in a similar situation and I end up regretting favoring my gf for a while. Problem is if she has problem with your career now, she'll continue having problem later on, even if you decide to pursue a career that isn't as high-demanding like IB, Similarly it was her friends that made it worse because they were dating/finding guys that had low ambitions and just wanted to coast in life, so you're always gonna lose in "spending time" aspect of the relationship. I don't like telling people to end relationship but unless she changes or adjusts to the reality, its gonna be a hard time for you guys. 

 

People change, but having gone to a non-target as well the average person is very content doing college -> boring suburbs close to home -> lifer at some 9-5 job and just drinking/watching football on weekends and not much else.

To these people you will probably seem like a buzzkill and they often resent you for your success. On the inverse, you will probably get frustrated with their lack of interest and ambition in the world

It's why relationships at that age can be very difficult to maintain. Who you are at 27 will hopefully be very different than who you are at 22. Easier to find someone then once you know yourself a bit better

 

I'm bi and have dropped and been dropped by multiple guys and girls to focus on the fucking grind (during recruiting, during internship, while working in IB). I don't regret any of my decisions and think I made the right choice every single time. 

Keep your relationship with your family and day one homies tight and make sure to maintain that but seriously, there's millions and millions of people on this planet you can date and also your dating prospects will be better if you make it to NYC anyways because there are so many hot people here. Don't settle for a mediocre girl or a mediocre job or a mediocre life. Life is so rich. 

 

I am a firm believer that you can only have one or two good things happening in life. Either you are successful in your own career or in any relationship. There’s no in between or killing two birds with one stone. That’s why you see some unemployed basement dwellers getting hot girlfriends out of nowhere. L

 

Fuck your GF's friends. Never compromise over what your SO's friends want/think, their opinion matters less than some hobo's shit on an SF street. If she's giving you this ultimatum due to their advocacy, replace the bitch because she'll drop you in a second if things get tough and someone else who can give her time + makes significantly more comes along. She's not special and you'll easily replace her. Best of luck. 

"The obedient always think of themselves as virtuous rather than cowardly" - Robert A. Wilson | "If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 
PrivateTechquity 🚀GME+20230930-DK-🦋-1

Fuck your GF's friends. 

One by one or all at the same time? Yeah that will get her super jealous haha

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

Only the hot ones, all at once if possible ideally. Gotta film it too though to make sure she believes you when you tell her. 

"The obedient always think of themselves as virtuous rather than cowardly" - Robert A. Wilson | "If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 

It’s more than likely her and her friends come from backgrounds that don’t look highly on banking. (All the finance bro memes definitely don’t help)

Im guessing you still like her. A way I normally sort out these problems is to dig deeper. How so?

1. Get her to explain her complaints. Is it truly because of not spending enough time with you? Or is it the fact that she feels like you don’t value her/the relationship stalled out/you let go of yourself etc. [It is highly important that you shut up and just listen in this phase]

2. Feed whatever she says back to her. In doing so, establish that you understand her viewpoint. And hopefully you actually do and aren’t just pretending because some dude on the internet told you to do so.

3. Explain that what you are doing is actually IN BENEFIT of the relationship or for your personal development. It is important to have a good think why IB is important for you - and explain these motivations to your girlfriend. Thank her for her support, and tell her that you are looking to create a future for the both of you/pursue your dreams.

Hope it goes well either ways. If not there’s always other girls willing to support the vision you have for your life.

 

You should choose the job. I got laid off as an analyst and while it wasn’t the entire reason, I know that I missed a couple calls and I was late submitting work multiple times because my very high maintenance gf at the time was calling me asking why I was working late at night. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to be such a shit analyst just for pussy.

It’s a tough balance to strike. I think a highly secure woman who understands the expectations of IB would be worth staying with, but if her friends are already trying to split you guys up I wouldn’t bother sticking around. If you get married those hens will always be in her ear trying to get her to divorce you to be “all single again so we can have fun like we did in college”. Good luck bro. There’s always a younger woman, but you only get one chance to break into IB during undergrad.

 

Going to be blunt here, but unless she is the absolute love of your life and you can't see yourself without her, pick the job over her. You are still in college, there are so many girls in this world and I can promise you, they won't make you sacrifice on your dreams and aspirations for her. Girls worth anything won't tear you down for having dreams and goals.

My ex chastised me for even entertaining a finance role in another city when I was 23 years old and said "people need to wake up and give up on their dreams at some point" (My "dream" was to develop into a portfolio manager). If a girl thinks that your goal of being successful and giving them a great life is neglectful, then let them go be with the communications major that thinks he's the hottest guy on campus because he drives a raptor. You'll get a girl that will support you through the ups and downs in your career and actually deserves you once you make it big time. Trust me, no girl worth spoiling will make you sacrifice your goals if it means a better life for both of you. If they give you an ultimatum, they're being shortsighted and selfish.

 

Taking the obvious bait , but this sounds like a typical ridiculous college relationship that you will likely look back on in a decade and laugh at ever being so concerned about preserving.

The value you place your career in your life is ultimately for you to decide. If they are average non-target blokes then there will always be a permenant disconnect here. There is a good chance it's not just a disagreement about work but about values in general. Not saying one is intrinsically superior to the other, but I'm guessing your GF wouldn't also be as keen as moving to a place like NYC, or isn't as focused on career as much herself. If you are in college you still have a lot of personal development and growth to experience, and you wont realize it until going through your 20s. You might find out you actually hate finance and working long hours, but you owe it to yourself to go after what you believe are your dreams ESPECIALLY this young and with no other obligations tying you down. 

Not going to ever judge someone for seeing the life of someone in certain careers and wanting to check out, but dont feel you morally owe anything to her in this situation. Many women would love to be a supporter/cheerleader for someone ambitiously chasing their dreams. You need to ask yourself if you think this is a good fit. Though relationship success is about compromise, the right person in your life wont require you to make massive concessions. When you get older and realize there is more wanting to date the opposite sex than how hot she is, you can focus on compatibility over important areas of life. Career and money is a major one of those. I've seen many friends get married young and try to fit a square peg into a round hole with this kind of stuff, doesn't work.

 

IB.  The time lost w/ your gf over recruiting probably isn't that significant and she's giving you an ultimatum to walk away from a career you're interested in because she's been forced to make a pretty small sacrifice.  Plenty of scenarios where it makes sense to pick relationship over career, but if you do walk away from IB / pursuing IB for this girl, it's not gonna be the last ultimatum she gives you.  

I come from down in the valley, where mister when you're young, they bring you up to do like your daddy done
 

Dear IceCreamLover,

Great topic of discussion. I am also in a very similar position: in the middle of recruiting from a non-target school while dating a girl that I love.

That being said, I have been able to manage a loving relationship while grinding from 9am-12pm every single day by following this game plan:

1) Make it clear to her that you are on a mission that currently must take priority over everything else. This does not mean tell her that IB is currently more important than her, even if it is.

2) Do not dump your stress on her. You must make it clear to her that she a source of support and not a source of blowing off steam. If she feels that your stress coming from IB is affecting the way you speak to or treat her, she will immediately resent the path you have chosen.

3) Make her feel loved and appreciated. This should be a given but it is easy to overlook. Because you are spending so little time with her, it is likely that a decent portion of that time is spent at night and therefore in the bed. Don’t just make her feel like a source for you to get your rocks off. If you do have time to dedicate strictly to her, make it special and meaningful.

4) Be careful when dealing with her friends. Most girls at this age are dating guys who aren’t sure what they want to do with their lives just yet. This is especially true at non targets, as a lot of guys at these schools just haven’t found their path yet and are still figuring things out. Girls care very much about their friends’ opinions of you, and if their friends are talking trash about you when you aren’t around, it will 100% affect the way she perceives you. Even if you have nothing in common with them, try your best to get along with her friends and their boyfriends for your own sake.

5) Most importantly: make sure she supports you. If she straight up cannot respect your hustle, then your relationship will not last. A good way to test this is to ask her for help (and I don’t mean ask her to send cold emails for you). Asking her to help give you a mock interview and provide feedback will help her understand your life more and will make her feel like she is a part of your success. If she refuses to help you out with something as important as this, it may be a sign that she doesn’t truly want you to succeed.

It’s important to remember that a relationship during recruitment is never easy. You will get into arguments about how you are choosing to spend your time no matter who you are dating. The success of the relationship depends on how you conduct yourself during those moments, and the way you frame your relationship.

Best,
SuperStinkyMonkey

 

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