Lots of girls interested but none are my type
Basically see the title, anyone have similar experience
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Ah, the classic case of the grass being greener on the other side. It's a common feeling, my friend. You're not alone in this. It seems like you're stuck in a cycle of wanting what you can't have while not appreciating what's readily available to you.
It's important to remember that everyone has their own tastes and preferences. What might be attractive to your friends might not necessarily be attractive to you, and that's perfectly okay. It's also okay to have standards and to know what you want in a partner. However, it's equally important to not let these standards blind you to potentially great matches that are right in front of you.
Remember, attraction isn't just about physical appearance. It's also about personality, shared interests, and emotional compatibility. Maybe give those girls who are interested in you a chance. You might find that they have qualities that you value in a partner.
On the other hand, if you're sure they're not what you're looking for, don't settle. Keep looking for the right person. Just be patient and stay positive. The right person will come along when you least expect it.
And hey, there's no harm in being picky. After all, you're looking for a partner, not a new pair of shoes. It's a decision that deserves careful thought and consideration. So take your time, and don't rush into anything. Good luck!
Sources: Watching others leave early is demoralizing - what do I do?, AM I MISSING SOMETHING?, https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/job-search/does-anybody-else-get-depressed-when-you-get-a-call-for-a-job-that-pays-way-below?customgpt=1, Want a promotion?, I'm lonely
Are you the same guy who's debating offers between Pershing, Baupost and Lone Pine
lol this is actually very very very common, at least for dudes. Your brain is naturally wired to want what it cant have, so even if you were to improve yourself to the point where the women who currently aren't interested in you become interested in you, there is a high likelihood you find them less attractive as your own relative value is now above theirs. This happened to me personally when I started taking diet/fitness and lifting seriously, as well as just becomming more outgoing and interesting by having a better optimistic outlook on life, and just spent time doing interesting things. Women that I thought were once a 'reach' eventually became a 'settle' , and this was only reinforced by all of the newfound positive attention I received.
In addiiton, men are typically the pursuers. Women the pursued. In my experience if the roles are flipped to where women in friend groups are stating their interest pretty blatantly then it probably means they are a point or two below your 'dating value'.
Have you tried dating apps at all? They get a bad rap but mostly from clueless losers who just suck with them. It's a very liquid market so you should find out what kind of woman your 'dating equal' is pretty quickly.
If apps and bars leave you frustrated still, then simply put your standards are too high based on what you bring to the table. Take a hard and critical look at your own life and ask where you could improve that would make a meaningful difference in attracting the opposite sex. Male brain, especially if you are posting here, probably quickly latch onto 'make more money'. But that is likely not the case for anyone reading this. You likely already check the 'ambition' box , so look where there could be any other gaps. Do you have decent style? Do you put effort into your appearance? What are your top 3 hobbies? What's the most interesting thing you've done in the last year? What are your creative pursuits? What does your dream date look like? What is your body fat % and as always what is your bench?
Good advice. Curious to hear, since you mentioned doing more interesting things what are your top 3 hobbies outside fitness / lifting?
Good response. I really think it’s an “at-bats” problem. I’ve pulled the type of girl I want before. But I feel like I’m not meeting her often enough or shooting my shot often enough. It’s just a given that girls this hot will reject you x% of the time so you have to shoot your shot y times until it hits.
I also rarely have super hot girls in my friend group. Which is fine bc I love my friends and wouldn’t want them to change. But it’s not like super hot girls are at my friends parties all the time. So I’m always shooting my shot with people who are semi strangers or on dating apps, which is not as good as already being in the same circle.
Also, on dating apps - the hottest girls simply don’t use them. Know multiple girls personally who have never been on a dating app date in their life.
Have personally found girls are not impressed by money at all. Mainly because they don’t understand it. They’re more impressed by a guy who is perceived as rich (“omg Jim’s apartment is so nice”) than someone who is actually rich bc they work in HR and don’t know the difference.
Once you raise your own value enough and have enough dating experience to know the type of person you want for a serious relationship then dating does become a good deal harder, not because you cant attract those types of women but simply being there just arent a ton that check all those boxes around - especially outside of major cities. But its worth investing the time to date enough women where you both can be pretty confident over your ability to get them, as well as understanding what you want in a partner.
Most men who end up in miserable relationships or in relationships where they are pushed around by their wife/girlfriend likely lack the experience, and are beholden to that woman because they dont know if they can truly do any better
This is more a tangent than a direct response to OP but it is really interesting that men never give each other the "have you tried being a better person" advice. You're smart, financially thriving and look decent --- if you're still having trouble, ask yourself if you're emotionally intelligent. Are you thoughtful, kind, funny, interesting, empathetic? More men need to work on being better people not lowering their body fat %.
lol sorry , but this is the stereotypically terrible advice women give men that dont help them at all and just make things worse. An entire generation of men were raised on media of 'the nice guy gets the girl' and 'girls love you for your personality', and it obviously didnt bode well for them (see: nice guys and friendzone phenomenon)
This type of advice just comes from people who really arent able to put themselves into others shoes. When it comes to dating and sex, women have inherent value. men simply dont, they have to go out and do things. Kindness really wouldnt even scratch the surface of things a man should focus on to be successful with women. Being charismatic, assertive, and confident are far more important
Not saying EQ shouldnt be developed. Most people are woefully undeveloped with emotional intelligence. But its really only relevant in terms of getting women once everything else is already there
“Liquid market” based
If you were to rank them physically, from a societal standpoint it sounds like the girls who are interested in you are 6s and 7s, and you’re batting for 8-9s.
Nothing wrong with that btw, anything above straight average is impressive in its own right because 50% of guys get average or below. I do find that girls who are 8+ tend to be lot more like carbon copies of one another and pretty superficial. It’s understandable given every guy they come across thirsts for them these days plus online validation, but if you’re looking for something longer term why would you look there? Just my two cents, obviously exceptions to the rule though they are increasingly rarer in the digital age
Haha super true on the carbon copies thing. I believe there are still some smart girls who are 8+. Hard to find but they exist
The 8+ non-carbon copies do exist, but they are deficient in other ways. The hot-crazy scale comes into play here (realize it’s meant to be a joke, but think it stands true in some ways)
If you are a decent looking guy in your twenties, you can hook up, not make a commitment, and keep looking. I would think this is probably an approach used by the majority of young good looking guys
This is a fine approach with dating app girls or someone you tangentially know but I feel guilty when it’s like my friends girlfriend’s roommate or something similar. Anyways, getting laid isn’t a struggle - it’s finding someone you actually want to date that’s difficult
I can appreciate what you are saying. It might sound weird but I did not have much an opportunity to mix with my friends' girlfriends friends. Whenever I went out with the guys, most of the time, we went out without girlfriends but that was a looooong time ago. It might be different today in that I think groups tend to out together.
Why do you feel the need to post this on WSO?
why does anyone post anything on WSO? I could write this under every post you’ve ever written
Which city are you based in? Makes a difference as your personality or the personalities you would be most naturally attracted to may be different from the area you’re in
This is a good problem to have. You’ve likely gained more confidence whether through experience and/or naturally with age. Acting like you’ve been there before is necessary at times especially when you’re younger/less experienced and literally haven’t, but when you have, the tables start to turn and your worth rapidly increases. E.g. - girls you thought were a stretch in high school and maybe would give you a shot but generally led you on or flat out weren’t interested now suddenly have time for you. Summer break or post college, you sense that it’s less you chasing them and now the other way around. The experiences you gained at college/away from your hometown showed you that you can capitalize and maybe even with hotter girls than what you thought were top in high school. Your standards go up and now you know what you’re doing. Now those girls are interested but you can do better so you brush them off.
It’s all about reps and ideally with the hottest girls possible. You don’t get numb to it, but you generally start to carry yourself in a way that exudes bde because you’re a dude that fucks and that’s just how you’re living. Don’t need to be overly cocky, but they sense the lack of intimidation and subtle confidence displayed even around 8/9/10s.
My buddies whose wives/gfs wear the pants and are unfortunately fucked from a long term happiness standpoint are all people who never got the reps/experience and never understood their value. They were happy to take what they could get and their spouses know that, and a few of them are now easily controlled and used for their financial resources. If they had gotten out there more and dated as many quality girls as possible, potentially could have been avoided.
Sounds like you’re in a good spot and they’re starting to come to you. The hard part will now be finding a good one. Smart, attractive, moral compass, would be a good mom, supportive, etc. They’re hard to come by. Likely won’t be on an app and instead organically in real life when you recognize that spark real time pretty quickly. You will know because of your track record and what you’ve seen in the past that isn’t worthy of investing in forever. You would have never known to avoid that issue/theme/red flag if you hadn’t been there before. In the meantime, apps seem like fishing in a barrel if you know what you’re doing so enjoy yourself.
maybe your demands are too high, cuz dudes really cannot find a girl just due to this problem.
Welcome to the real world.
The girl I wrote this about is actually into me so you guys can disregard, thanks
Honestly, man when I first came to finance, I literally did it just for the girls but now I realize nobody cares everyone in the big cities are just doing finance anyway you don’t stand out at all and you’re lonelier than ever
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