Need to hear come-back stories
I am at the lowest point in my life, realizing many things that mattered so much late. Even if the depression is so crippling, I am trying so hard. I know I am capable but I should have realized certain things earlier than I did. It is true that my entire life plan came crushing down when I realized I wasn't aware the traditional paths and also was obsessed with goals I ended up leaving. I was that overachiever who never failed, never knew how to get better with multiple tries and strive for things after a fall, now my entire life feels like a failure. It is not even about how people perceive me, I failed myself which is the worst of all. All I need is to hear people who managed to pivot in life and managed to end up where they wanted. Survivorship bias? Sure, but I just gotta anchor myself to that because I don't want to end my own life.
Just an edit: I am 26, already have a master's and 2 yoe experience in a field that I despise, it will be little bit giving away, it is macroeconomics. Funny enough, everything I had achieved was thanks to the field I wish I had never ever got obsessed with. I was supposed to do a PhD in econ until recently. Not anymore. I just feel like a freshman for the first time looking outside world and discovering careers. Such a dumbass move.
Careers are very long mate (20+ years), I have pivoted multiple times. My post history is public in case it helps, I failed to convert my IB summer internship but then landed in IB -> PE -> MBA -> more interesting roles. As many MDs will tell you, careers only make sense looking backwards, never forwards.
Please take a deep breath and take it one step at a time, getting closer & closer to your eventual end goal. It's a cross-country race, not a sprint.
Absolutely agree man. Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans …
Hi pal,
There's not really a lot of insight into your situation so I won't presume to be able to offer any guidance.
Now, I am about to say something and it might shock you, but it is FUCKING everything.
It's going to be fine. Hell, it is going to be GOOD.
And that only will really make sense (as another user pointed out) with hindsight.
I'll give you not one but two comebacks. The first is probably the absolute car crash of a student I was. Zero awareness and zero confidence. I was the guy who wouldn't apply to top universities because I thought I wouldn't get in. I had no idea what I was even applying for and threw in applications for middle and back office roles alongside IB without really knowing what I was doing. No spring weeks (obviously). Got lucky with an internship but no return offer. Wouldn't even ask a girl on a date until 3rd year of university (I think?) because of fear of rejection. Even when I became an IB Analyst, I thought I'd never make it very far and certainly not to senior positions.
The second comeback is getting fired from my first IB job 18 months in. Whole team gone in a day (everyone just got an email to be in such-and-such a room at 830am next day no exceptions). And from a niche team in a passable brand name IB.
Well I'm over a decade into my FO IB career in a great sector coverage team (and married to the purest, sweetest woman I've ever met by the way as a happy ending to that story).
I said I wouldn't presume to offer guidance but you can ignore the rest of this post if you like. I don't know the details, but I'm reading (perhaps misguidedly) two emotions in your post. Regret and fear. I've been there.
1) You might be afraid of the unknown. Of what comes next from quite a low place where you don't have any clear direction. That's normal - like all of us you're an animal that evolved to be afraid of the dark and afraid of what you don't know (it might eat you). But (and I can't emphasise this enough), you MASSIVELY underestimate how adaptable you are. Things turned out well for me because, after that second low point, I applied broadly and beyond my comfort zone - I spoke to a lot of people. The best offer I got was in a country I'd never been to on the other side of the world, and my then girlfriend was frankly appalled at the idea. I embraced that unknown. Figured out the country. We figured out how to do long distance relationship. It turned out to be one of the best things that happened to me. You're a smart guy / girl, you'll figure it out. Your plans will NEVER work out like they're supposed to, but know that you're adaptable and you'll figure it out.
2) Regret is kind of useless. You should learn from your mistakes (and I'm not saying you haven't made any), and use that as an opportunity to grow and improve. There's nobody alive who hasn't made mistakes, but don't regret and don't dwell. Learn and move forward. It completely sucked to lose that first internship. But what I do commend myself for is taking lessons from my screw up and applying those to my next internship (and I had to take quite a "downgrade" to brand quality), getting a return offer, and working my way up from there.
3) More generally, the biggest things that impact your life (for better and for worse) will not be the ones which featured in your grand plan. It'll be the things which broadside you on a Thursday afternoon. Health. Meeting your future husband or wife. Luka getting traded to the Lakers (ok a bit of jest but that one did broadside me). Friends. Knowing this won't solve your problems, but it helped me at least to take things a little less seriously.
For what it's worth I recommend the Baz Luhrmann song "Everybody's Free"
Go easy on yourself. Kick back with a beer. It'll be fine.
People gets lucky and unlucky, thereby gets to different places. You can say your first gen, your from a small town where no resource can be used, you missed the recruiting timeline, you got unlucky....
Trust me. It's OKAY. A little bit of mess adds to the color of our lives.
Life will get better. Probably not in a few months, maybe in a few years. I've really lived through hell when I was a seventeen year old girl & homeless sleeping in McDonalds in the whether of -20C degree, while bullied in school. However, I survived. Now a banker, a mentor, and small business owner.
It's always about hope. Stepping forward. And imagining what your world would be.
So, someone I know, was in a similar situation and the best thing that you can do as mentioned is first - relax you'll get to a better place.
HOWEVER, most everyone I knew that made their way out was not from *worrying* but from holing up in a library or some place with text, resources, thought and taking action.
Perceptions are all in your mind, fear is an illusion, this moment in time is only a snapshot of your current status, and your capabilities are far beyond what you believe is possible; you need to get away from your emotions, do some damage control and figure out what is your (a.) week, (b.) one month, (c.) 3 month and (d.) year plan to get yourself to higher ground.
It's not impossible, people in far worse situations with far greater odds have done it, mistakes are all out there waiting to be made, by everyone (it's like a chess board, even the best lose, the more important question is: how are you going to cope?).
The only excuse you have is the excuses you make for yourself and your emotions.
I’ve told this story before but basically I sucked at my IB analyst program and got caught up in a pretty big layoff before the end of my graduation year. 100% my fault. I wasn’t ramping quickly or taking it seriously enough. Lesson learned. I also blacked out at every happy hour. Took me a few months but I eventually landed a chill LMM PE gig.
In the span of ~6-9 months I went from
Cut -> unemployed, broke, demoralized
To
Now a couple years later life is fucking sick and looking back, getting cut was a massive inflection point for me. Huge wake up call on responsiveness, work quality, but more than anything being in the right seat.
If I can claw my way back into the industry after fucking up my first at-bat then you can make it too man. You got this!
Left the finance game for 10 years to go into healthcare. Recently got accepted to a FT MBA program to get back in the game.
I failed out of college, graduated with a 2.87 or something GPA, and got fired in my first two jobs thanks to a lovely mix of depression, adhd, and being a lazy manchild. After getting over that I went to grad school, got a great internship which led to a great job, and I was good enough at it to win a number of industry awards and earn a nine-figure net worth. Then a year ago my dad died, I partnered with a long-term friend to start a business, and I moved across the country leaving all of my contacts behind, only to discover that not only was the man I looked up to somewhat of a piece of shit, but he was also a moron. Now I’m writing a novel while I wait for the market to turn since in my new home I am vastly overqualified for anyone to hire me for low level work, even though I’d do it, yet I don’t have the local contacts or experience for higher level roles.
Life has comically low lows and wonderfully high highs. You still just wake up the next day and carry on. It will get worse, it will get better, and the only constant is how it will surprise you one way or another.
that is nice, my problem is I went to grad school right after my undergrad, very relevant to those goals I just gave up on, then got a job relevant to it, and I realized it is all BS it feels impossible to pivot to something else. It is just getting harder and harder to believe wonderful high highs. I am 26 and completely lost in life.
Hey man, sorry to hear you're where you are mentally, but I promise it can/does get better. A bit a pivot story for me is I graduated 230/234th in my class in HS. 2.1gpa. I went to the only private 4 year college that would accept me (1 of 11 applications, and keep in mind all 11 are schools are like T7500 haha) contingent on maintaining a 3.0+ and found this website/discovered the industry. As you may imagine, the alumni network at my school was not exactly "robust" and similar to you, I felt that I was "too late" / discovered something I wanted to do and wished "if only I did x, y, & z". Long story short I worked my ass off and did the biggest pivot no one in my life could've seen coming, made it into a MM bank, had some fun, but ultimately decided, meh. All this to say, in my humble, young, and admittedly unexperienced opinion, the universe is relatively fair when it comes to "what you put in vs. what you get". Pivot #2 - so what do I want to do now? Move 1000 miles to a smaller city, get a solid paying FP&A job at a fast growing company, and start a side hustle with my new free time. Similar to above, worked my ass off and treated recruiting like a 2nd job while I was at my bank and made it happen. Keep going, keep trying, you got this. The out of shape guy who wanders into a gym every day for 5 years regardless of how much he knows when he started - does get better. The guy who sucks at math, but practices problems for an hour a day - does figure out what previously stumped him.
I know it sucks to feel like you've failed, I know it's even harder to get back up, but the flip of that coin is when you overcome/achieve, it feels exponentially better than if you never failed to begin with.
Feel free to PM and talk it out if you want!
You may find this interesting - https://www.amazon.com/Firing-Back-Leaders-Rebound-Disasters/dp/1591393…
Bro don't sweat it...why? MBA is a nice little reset button you can press
Also realize that >80% of those who enter high finance end up leaving for something more 'mundane' -- why is that? Because while this game can be rewarding, it can also be soul crushing. Personally if I can't make the next leap in my career, I'm probably done with high finance. Have a serious gf and I've realized spending time with the woman who will god-willing one day be my wife, as well as the time with close friends & family....this is everything. High finance careers will NEVER fill this hole
Even if I make the next leap, it's gonna be a ~50hr per week job (maybe 55-60 in earnings) plus extra time I spend learning the investing craft (but that's not work, I choose to do it in whatever way I prefer). I think that's sustainable, but either way I'm never, ever working at a job demanding more than this. It's my max threshold, cause life is far more than just about work...many people in the NYC bubble don't understand until they do
Regarding comebacks, I didn't get a return offer for my IB internship and later ended up at a top AM. I'm looking to leap to an analyst role this year, but I don't give any hoots about prestige of the shop. I just want to go to a shop where I can work decent hours with chill people I like, and then go home and enjoy my day as I please. God bless man, there are so many paths out there -- don't be fooled into thinking there is only 1
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