Paying for dates.. how do you handle this as a young man??
Curious how people who’ve been in the game longer see this. I’m a 25M dating a girl 25F in a HCOL city. I’ve paid for the first few dates and she’s explicitly said she expects the guy to pay most of the time because that’s how she was raised and that she “expects nice things.” However we are both early in our careers and not making great money yet.
She says she doesn’t mind paying, but prefers not to and so far hasn’t bought more than an $8 scoop of ice cream for us.
In college and since graduating, I’ve ONLY ever dated girls where we took turns paying. Never been told up front ever in my life that she wants me to pay. Tbh I got pretty turned off by these upfront expectations but only reason I’ve put up with it FOR NOW is because she is much more attractive than the average girl I regularly get a date with off Hinge.
However, as intimacy has increased over the dates, I do sense that she is relaxing her hardline stance on this a BIT because I am pretty attractive. She also says that if we were to be in a relationship together, she’d be finding ways to deliver value in other ways. Despite this however, but this feels like a values mismatch.
For those in similar stages of life/career, what’s the norm you’ve seen actually work? Do you just accept paying early on and see if it evens out, or is this a red flag on entitlement/long-term compatibility?
I’m happy to pay, but hate being expected to, especially if the person hansnt done anything to earn it.
Insane thing to post on WSO
Like the other guy said, insane thing to post but you do you bro.
If this is not what you're used to/comfortable do then drop her.
Bingo. She’s going to dump you the moment someone better comes along.
We need the specifics to evaluate her value-add
How are her deepthroat skills?
Build a cost per f*** model project it out over five years then discount back to present value - the cost of hinge premium
Cost appears pretty high..
It’s not looking good
corner her saying "we could eat out today, or we could be more frugal and save for our future"
if she is pissed off, that's a value mismatch, so time to look for the next one + could signal low self-conciousness thinking that because you're a man, you don't sweat for that money the same way she does, so again, food for thought if you're considering long-term
if she enjoys her time with you, she wouldn't really care how it is spend and would appreciate some $$ dates from time to time, but if it's recurrent and you're afraid it could piss her off if u down the # of times you're going out, then again, need to re-assess
Just date her for fun while you look for your wife. Girls like this aren't worth wifing up, just put them on the roster for the time being
Get some motion first
Have you tried doing less expensive dates? There are plenty of fun things to do in a major city that don't rack up hundreds of $.
Ok
Get creative with the dates to do less expensive things. Coffees and a bookstore run / read together in the store. Go visit kittens for an hour at a shelter that has open lounge for all the kittens who need hoes. Go to a famous old school deli and picnic / walk around Central Park (I don’t remember where you are) etc.
If you can’t have fun together without blowing money, end it! Or keep it going for as long as you’re willing to pay for s*x! Good luck.
have u tried not being a bitch?
No because I’m looking for a girl who’s willing to meet me halfway early on. I don’t have a problem paying for shit if we are locked in and she’s truly committed, but I am wary of doing too much for someone who hasn’t earned it.
Isnt it more of a bitch move to sheepishly pay for everything even when you don’t want to but feel like you must conform to some trad societal expectation
are u planning on both of u working when there’s kids? if u expect her to pause her career to take care of the family then u should foot the bill. just my thoughts
Every girl I've ever taken out has always had the same approach on this: they at least feign an attempt to split. They don't truly expect that I'm going to let them split (and I don't let them split), but they always do the little fake reach into their purse to signal to me that they didn't just assume it's my job to pay.
Then after I pay, and we go do drinks after, they always say something like "let me get a round, you got dinner".
So to have a girl come in with an attitude of "I expect nice things" and outwardly signaling that you really should pay, just comes off as super entitled and not common. I allow & expect all kinds of female bullshit when most girls do it, but this is more of a rare one.
My advice, she's not future wife material, so either have fun w/ her if she's good for that or move on.
This is unfortunately where my head’s at too.
Just surprised because never before in my life has this been a problem, and it does suck that this is happening with the first girl who I’ve found interesting to talk to in quite a long time. Oh well
I did tell her that she’s gotta pay for the next one if she wants to continue seeing me so ig I’ll see how that goes
Two things can be true at the same time: 1) As a man, paying for most dates is the right thing to do, and 2) Women should sometimes reciprocate or at least express generosity.
I had this issue with my ex. It wasn't that she never offered to pay (although she was about to start in biglaw and outearn me), it was that she never said thank you or tried to reciprocate. That, to me, showed a mismatch in values
agree with other commenters:
and if I told you that sex is off the table from her end for the time being you’d say to cut and run?
100%
Run? Sprint away from her.
this is most females. they want a provider despite earning an income. i mean what can you expect its instinct. clearly youv never had kids so.... yea women are extremely vunerable in childbirth and childrearing in the early years.
this is why modern feminism is very destructive. it goes against the instinctual and traditional behavior of a woman. but hey americas so fucked anyways in a lot of other regards. Letting women into higher education is also a mistake and into the workforce. There should be certain industries for women but not all.
i mean why do you think bankers hate their families. the female earns as much as the male yet expects the male to provide. even if not explicit. implicitly. its just their instinct.
also the issue is western women don't know how to submit. this actually might be a genetic problem. whites have too high of an ego. and its not due to culture.
the rectuangular sharp jawline favored by the west is also in western women. but that makes them aggressive
In my home country, men are expected to pay for dates. However, the difference is that women actually are submissive - they'll cook for you, clean for you, generally not nag you. Because they don't know when the next high-value man who is willing to commit will come along. In the West, it seems like a raw deal.
The funny thing is I'm based in Asia and I never had this Princess syndrome problem in America. Lived and worked in NYC before when I was even more broke, yet the girls I dated were usually always down to split or reciprocate by getting the next one.
The simp epidemic is worse in major Asian cities and driving the inflation of materialistic standards. Thanks to IG and Tiktok, most girls (even those from the literal/metaphorical backwater village) are trying to have their It-girl moment by doing their makeup like influencers and taking Canon G7X pics to appear higher class, hoping that Mr. White expat will swoop them off their feet and give them a better life. Adopting the values of the West while losing the ones their parents had. I've been going on dates optimistically every week since the turn of the year and I just feel disappointed now
its not princess syndrome like in asia. where they want to be pampered and treated with a lot of flashy materialistic goods.
in the west its liberal feminism, where women actually think they don't need men to survive. its a completely different much more destructive ideology.
the way you describe splitting the bill makes the relationship very transactional. the hint of niceness in that gets completely overshadowed by the transactional and shallow nature of the relationship
Honestly, this just sounds like a compatibility issue. If it already feels off this early, it’ll probably keep bothering you later. Better to be upfront about expectations or move on and find someone who’s on the same page.
It's the first few dates. See how things go. When I was single i used to go all out date 1, and do museum, park etc dates so it would average out to something i was comfortable with.
I've always covered the full tab.
The idea of making a woman pay for dinner (even if she and I split) always felt wrong.
I hate that this is a thing.
Personally I’d never go on a second date with women like that. I expect that she gets upset if I try to pay for even a coffee/drink or at least to offer to buy the next one.
Despite all the anti “equality” stuff, I think an women willing to pay for herself and willing to make her own living is a very strong signal that’s she’d be a good mother.
In the cavemen times, if the man dies while hunting or in a battle, the woman needed to figure out how to feed herself and her baby.
If she doesn’t throw an axe at me for telling her to not collect berries and hunt small animals even as a joke, she’s not strong enough for me.
Normally I wouldn’t as well, and I haven’t, but this girl is by far the most attractive one I’ve been out with in years. Tough call
Brother I once had to tell a model to basically fuck off because she was an entitled asshole.
Female beauty is really not as valuable as people think it is. Women start to wrinkle, maybe the sex is kinda meh, she drains more energy than you gain from her, etc…
Bad ones are basically vampires. Don’t mess around with vampires unless you’re a vampire yourself.
Move on, she's for the streets
I think for me I make 5x-10x what they probably make so I don’t mind paying.
Also if I’m suggesting a nice place to eat, I wouldn’t expect the girl to pay either given it’s because of me we are eating there.
It’s just the cost of dating I’d say. For a few months when I was running through hinge, think I spent like 5k or so just on dinners one month. Of course converted like 80% of them
eh 5k for dinners -> 2.5k for dinners for dating (i assume 5k for both u and them?) and you get laid which honestly not bad at all. mind u i have heard some wild stories of men who used to spend 1k for a dinner date and not getting laid..
for 5k you could bang like 100 chicks in Amsterdam/Prague or 200 in Bangkok/Manila. you guys are wilding overpaying. just save your money and travel and then retire in Amsterdam/Prague or Bangkok/Manila depending on whether you like white or asian chicks.
low key you're turning these women into minor gold diggers. wtf man
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