Relationship with an Investment Banker with mental health issues
I would like to hear views from investment bankers especially, or anyone who works similar hours.
I was in a relationship with a junior banker for nearly 2 years until he recently broke up with me saying he needs to be alone to figure out himself after a couple of years of 90h work weeks and some level of burnout/depression because of that.
For the whole duration of the relationship he has been working in IB. The hours were never really an issue to me as I'm also career-oriented myself and he did make effort (texting or calling me every day, doing chill activities on weekends, introducing me to his friends and family etc). Neither did it bother me when he had to cancel dates due to work or exhaustion - I noticed that he was tired so it was understandable.
However we started having more arguments as he suddenly started partying a lot with his colleagues despite telling me he was in burnout. This behavior made me feel insecure because he had cheated on me in the past (not the most extreme case of cheating but still disrespectul behavior), and when I asked for reassurance he got irritated.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Do you think he really just needs time alone to get himself back on track like if it's a mix of mental instability and perhaps immaturity, or do you think that he never actually cared about me?
"This behavior made me feel insecure because he had cheated on me in the past, and when I asked for reassurance he got irritated."
and you stayed??
I know..
Sorry to be blunt, but he's almost certainly been fucking around behind your back and just wanted to have an open field. 100% move on. You're doing yourself no favors hanging around the rim hoping he rights the ship on his own. This is taking your post at face value and assuming you aren't part of the problem which of course changes things.
“A couple ***years*** of 90h weeks”???
Yeah I would be mental too
There’s usually always more history/ backstory than a short one-sided post from OP who seems distraught over a breakup and wants to hear reassurance from an anonymous forum.
I’d imagine at the very least, he just wasn’t into OP / didn’t see her as a long term partner.
But we know little about OP and what her general behavior or personality is like. And she could have traits or actions that don’t match well with the dude (who seems to have some mental health issues as well).
For all we know, OP herself could’ve been the actual source of the guys mental health issues, rather than his job. Commenting and assuming stuff on the post therefore is kind of pointless, and this is something she should address directly with the guy
This is like all the Reddit relationship posts.
It’s a long ramble and you’re trying to understand what the issue is. But then the OP always slips in the little tidbit that the guy or girl cheated in the past lol. Like it’s not a huge, relevant detail and hard evidence the person never actually loved the OP.
He cheated on you and you stayed. So at that point it likely he lost any respect for you. Given he has time to party with friends and cheat on you, it’s likely his works hours are not that bad.
It’s more likely he’s just not that into you.
Also, where do women like this exist? Every single gf I ever had, serious or casual, had a zero tolerance policy on cheating. I have never met a girl in real life who ever forgave or stayed with a cheater. Where were these unicorns when I was a young man and dating?
Learning from mistakes I guess. The cheating wasn't physical and perhaps not considered the most extreme form of cheating but still inappropriate and I should have probably had more self respect back then.
“The cheating wasn’t physical”?
What exactly was it then
A lot of women say they have zero tolerance for cheating, but when confronted with it will actually stay. Did you actually test this with any of those women?
Similar to guys that say 'oh yea, Id totally leave my wife if she stop putting out' and then years later complain to their buddies about not having sex in a year
Been in basically the exact same place, but he didn't cheat on you because he was depressed. Wouldn't hang around for him.
She said it wasn't "physical" cheating. So he cheated on her mentally or something (fake cheating).
Female is my second language and I didn't realize that "not the most extreme form of cheating" meant not cheating. Was firmly on her side until that, now am in the middle / don't care at all.
Who cares at the end of the day. Relationships don't work out all the time, move on. I read so many of these same generic posts on reddit every day
If you're in NYC there are tons of people you can date if you're young and an interesting person
This reminds me of all the old relationships I had where at the time, felt they were the most important thing in my life. Took me about a month each, after the breakup, where I realized they had no material effect on my real life. Maybe your experience is different but I think with some time, you’ll come to a similar conclusion. You’re better off without him and he might be better off, too. Time is the famous healer and does wonders.
This sounds like something my ex girlfriend could have written. We dated for almost two years. She didn’t trust me and our lifestyles just weren’t compatible. I kept asking to break up but she would refuse. Ultimately I had to just go no contact to get rid of her. I was in my worst mental state of my life despite having a sick job in the best city in the world and a ton of friends here. Since leaving her my mental has improved phenomenally, I’m like a different person. She took so much time energy and money and was incredibly critical and distrusting. Had to walk on egg shells since she was so sensitive and turbulent.
I think fundamentally there is nothing you can do about your situation. You can’t make him care and you can’t make him love you. Find a different guy who appreciates you. These jobs are stressful and there are any number of reasons he could have felt the need to cheat on you. He should have broken up with you first. But no man who cheats on you should stay your boyfriend or end up your husband. If there’s some other reason you are staying just ask yourself if you met him for the first time and knew how he was, would you still want him?
Leave him and be free
wyd tn
haha did you call her tennessee - cause she’s the only ten you see?
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