Roomate from the depths of Hell. Plz fix, thx.
I am around 3 months into my IBD career for a BB in NYC, and I have possibly the worst roommate of all time. As most of you know, the hours for a first-year analyst aren't great and the large learning curve makes life stressful. To make things worse, I didn't know anyone moving to NYC so I had to find my roommates on a Facebook group my aunt Jess showed me (used to do consulting so I thought she was on top of her shit).
Roommate 1: We will call him Steve ... background: Used to be the president of Sigma-Nu at The University of Tennesee - think one of the biggest chach meats at the school, so naturally he was selected to be a Smokey the Dog handler. He obviously can't get over his glory days of being "top dog on campus", so he frequently drinks half a liter of liquor AFTER WORK and proceeds to haze my other roommate and me heinously while we run and hide in fear (we will get back to that).
Roommate 2: His name for this story will be Gilman. Came from a top-tier target school - think Harvard, Yale, Princeton, or Texas Tech --> Citadel, Blackstone, Merrill Lynch. Before you make your presumptions he is the nicest, most polite, and best guy around. He came from nothing and made it to Texas Tech on a scholarship granted by the Governor.
Last Night: Gilman and I were fast asleep in our respective rooms when Steve runs in at 2 am screaming like a Nazi Zombie from COD World at War. I jump up in my bed in fear and think "Please tell me my door is locked". Thankfully The first words I hear out of Steve's mouth are "Gillllllllllman bad day to not have a DOOR!" and "Daddy's been drinking and he got NO PLAY at the bar!". I kid you not Steve proceeded to rip off Gilman's door with a crowbar and started aggressively wrestling my poor kind friend. Gilman eventually got him out of his room at 4 am, so Steve began banging a large piece of metal with the crowbar until he passed out on the floor god knows when.
Present: I am now delirious sitting at my parrot-eyes job with 0 hours of sleep attempting to go from Revenue to Gross profit an already strenuous task but in my current state... impossible.
Thank you, Steve.
Pls fix, thx.
I think Steve might be having some sort of outstanding mental issue. I wouldn’t call it a problem but definitely an issue. Sounds like he has an ex girlfriend that transferred to a Christian school an hour and half away from Texas Tech. But in all honesty grow up Gilman sounds like some hotshot Hollywood star who doesn’t even know what EBITDA is…
I mean call me Butters but I think Steve’s real problem is his Canadian ancestry. There’s only two types of Canadians: 1. The wonderful young men who attend McGill and carry every single bank on the street (San Jacinto Blvd) 2. And Steves (abrasive, high-functioning alcoholic, ex-girlfriend transferring to school down the road but her sister is so beautiful, I miss her)
kick his ass and put him in his place
He’s 6’5
inches?
sorry to hear that
I thought you have to be 8 inches or longer to get into IB?
that's my size as well
Kick his ass
Honestly, you need to treat potential roommates like you would a new job or new girlfriend.
What school they went to / their major / rich or poor parents, etc.
You f*cked around with a chad from a crappy state school with a crappy job and found out. And what kind of loser can’t afford a two bedroom with one roommate. Sounds like you’re one of those scrubs that lives in a two bedroom flex with two other dude.
Classic Smoke “my rich parents have floated me for my entire life” Frog take
Rich parents or don’t be a loser and get a well paid job. Yea I did both, but no excuse for people to not have one or the other. I don’t know why you want people to apologize for not having uneducated or poor parents lol.
You’re parents didn’t take life or academics seriously and are poor? Sucks but ok.
Zero excuse for you to follow in their footsteps and be a disappointment as well.
This has to be a troll, kind of insane
wolfofwso
say it
NEVER HAPPEN…
Wait, this looks real.
I think you need to pull a fast one and invite your WSO internet friends over for a game of Dungeons and Dragons.
I promise the roommates will vacate.
Then the WSO crew will help you bang out the work assignment before we go enjoy a night on the town.
bro if a roommate pried open my door with a crowbar, I’m either fighting or calling the cops or both. Who keeps a crowbar in their apartment?
We had a rat problem
Never had a crowbar in the apartment. Way back when a roommate did have a machete in my place. it was a little awkward when the NYPD visited. (He ended up spending four years in Cal State)
Honestly, just call the cops and have Gilman as a witness
Would the cops do anything? My buddy was a landlord and called the cops when a drugged out tenant trashed the place. The cop wouldn’t do anything even though the tenant was methed out of their skull. He took a video and sent it to me. The cop literally said, “This is civil situation and what a damage deposit is for, it’s not like I can arrest my kid when he broke the TV. Call your lawyer and seek damages.”
Not sure I believe OP here, but agreed police can’t really do anything in this scenario. They would really only intervene if there was an injury that was serious enough or impending harm that was reasonably believable to happen. You will get a little more intervention if Gilmore was a female but that’s about it.
What’s his chill to pull ratio?
Infinite, kid has zero game
Give him a fat edible
Sneak a few tabs of acid into his handle of Tito’s, and he’ll be good to go
This sounds like my living in car dilemma. Tough one op.
AGR handles Smokey at UT
Find a short term option, move out in the middle of the night when he's not there, figure rest out later (breaking lease, etc).
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