Semi-Target is Paradise

You slap your alarm clock, sending it spinning off your desk. You are exhausted from last night’s hard work, but the final product is gleaming on your computer. The Virginia/Texas/California sunrise bathes your entire dorm room, and at the centerpiece is your magnum opus. 

Meta Platforms, inc. 

NASDAQ: META

Recommendation: Buy

You’re an analyst at the most prestigious organization on campus, and arguably, the area. The Student Run Hedge Fund. It’s more difficult to get a spot here than it is to get a seat at some of the lesser vyed for positions in investment banking such as JEFF/GUGG/ALLEN & CO. You went through multiple rounds of interviews, multiple coffee chats and case studies and watched your friends who are surely doomed to end up in the Big 4 Audit fail  as you emerged victorious. 

It has been a privilege to have 3 of your investment recommendations go into your fund’s book, which manages over 50k of AUM using a long/short equity strategy. Long AAPL, Long TSLA, and short Exxon Mobil. It’s 2021, the roaring 20s of tech and you are up, baby. You have no idea what a Sharpe Ratio (you haven’t gotten that far along in your finance degree) but you just know you’re in the green. 

You enter your school’s library, named after a Conquistador/slave owner and knock on the door of the conference room that your fund’s board of directors reserved for pitches. You clear your throat and dive into your pitch, and how The Metaverse will be bigger than Farmville or anything the technology sector has ever seen. The president, who got a first round at GS TMT a few years ago, nods. 

After your pitch. he pulls you aside and tells you that he thinks it's time for you to step up. After some internal interviews, you are promoted to Portfolio Manager, the first sophomore to ever end up in this prestigious position. You practically drool at what the exit opps will be like from here. 

On your way out, you get stuck in the elevator with Mike, who you used to make fun of in high school. Mike is a scrawny guy who had a knack for calculus back in the day. He went to your college to study engineering, and you remember shaking your head at the news, eyes gleaming knowing you would one day make triple his salary. You tell him all about your new position, and he smiles and says he is going into finance too, and is recruiting for infra PE. You scoff, and ask him if he's planning to transfer out of engineering. After all, the business school is ranked in the top 30 undergrad business programs on US News. Mike says no and you laugh blatantly as you step off the elevator, leaving him in your dust. Surely he’ll wind up managing a Buc-ee's or going to Deloitte. 

You close your eyes and bask in the glory of your accomplishments. Perhaps you’ll be the first person from your school to break into PJT RSSG or BX PE. Who knows? The world is truly your oyster. 

Semi-target is paradise.