What are your thoughts on having a female best friend ?
Don't feelings develop? Can a girl and guy even relate to each other 100% enough for this? I'm starting to wonder what other other men think of it.
Sure, it's great. Freddie Mercury, Sir Elton John, possibly George Michael, all proponents.
George Michael wouldn’t work because I’d be gay for him
My best friend is female, black, and married.
Speaking from the serious side here - so let me get this straight. What I'm reading is other men think its a red flag about a man if a man has a female best friend? If that's the case, that tells me a lot more about the other men. Sounds like a bunch of men who aren't comfortable with some quality about themselves. Honestly, who tf cares that much?? They can grow up.
Generally speaking, I think a man's best friend should be his wife and vice versa. It's not weird to have a female best friend. Hell, it's normal.
Yep. Sounds like OP may need to surround himself with people who don't act like teenagers.
Speaking to your second point, my wife is my best friend. Our humor senses mesh perfectly, we have a lot of the same hobbies, and she's just great to take anywhere. I think that's truly how you know if you've found the right person, both from the romantic and social side of things.
A guy telling another guy he has a red flag is weird
I think it's totally normal. No one can really relate to anyone 100% since we all have unique experiences, but of course doesn't mean they can't be friends. Not sure why it would be a red flag because if anything it's a huge boon since you can pick their brains whenever you're having issues with your own girlfriend/wife. Two of my closest friends from college (1 of them a roommate) are women and I will be attending both of their weddings soon. It's completely fine to have close female friends but to be clear, they are FRIENDS. Don't be some shameless cuck pining after women you failed to date/sleep with, becoming their orbiter "friend" that's really just waiting for a chance to swoop in smash (have dealt with guys like this in prior relationships and they're always fucking weirdos).
I find psychological questions like this quite interesting. Although I believe men and women can totally be friends, there are also lots and lots of situations I've seen first hand where at least one party will be attracted to the other. Even though they don't admit it at first.
I've seen it so many times where both say "we're just friends", and after they're in a situation where they both find each other single, they hook up. This is why I don't blame some men saying that "men and women can't be friends". Although I disagree with absolute statements like that, I really do think deep down one of the two will often at one point think "what if?".
Bro, my own female friend that I once considered a very close friend eventually tried to make a move on me not very long ago. Although I do reckon it's much more likely that the male in the relationship will make a move and risk "ruining/changing" the friendship - men are just more fkn horny.
STRONG disagree here. Women are kinky freaks who get laid whenever they feel like it. It is even like this with Lions as you can see.
Touché, very true. Although I now don't know how to explain why there are so many male "shameless cucks/orbiters" (as someone else put it) that wait until they get a chance to hit on their female friends.
I have a few female friends that I’ve known for a while. The key thing I’ve realized is I can’t be platonic friends with hot girls. One of these friends actually introduced me to one of her friends I had never met and said “he’s like our gay best friend but he’s straight”.
Men and women are different, but we’re both still human so there’s no reason you can’t be friends. Granted I’m not “best friends” with these girls so not exactly a direct response to your question.
Throw your monkey shit my way but dont think it's possible and haven't seen it. Sure, I have women friends. I also know people that think it's possible, but they always misunderstand the question.
Can men and women be 'just friends'?. If you answer yes, you are likely one or multiple of the below:
- gay
- biding time in the friend zone and in denial
- referring to a work friend or someone else who is closer to an acquaintence and doesnt understand the definition of 'friend'
- referring to a friend you hang out with in group settings but wouldnt one on one, again an acquaintence not a close 'friend'
Strip the above back and 90%+ of the 'yea men and women can be friends!' crowd is filtered out.
Think of your woman friend. Would you invite her over to watch a movie or the game just the two of you at your place? Would you go on a road trip or together to spend time in a new city for the weekend? Would you go out for drinks to catch up , again just the two of you? And she has zero interest in you? And you have zero interest in her (be honest)? Sorry, but I have never seen this actually play out where it wasnt a guy just being strung along playing the long game.
So sure if your definition of friends is sally from your rec softball league or jane from the office who you invite over for group board game night then sure. But with real friends and real best friends? It's a unicorn. Will believe it when I see it.
Can’t argue with anything you listed. Would not hang out with my girl friends in a 1on1 setting as we just don’t have that much to talk about
Fairly accurate from my experience. Was a "close" friend with a girl in college and it was pretty much the second one, "biding time in the friend zone and in denial."
To add to this, a girl in one of my old social circles admitted to sleeping with her college best friend (a guy) and they still hung out as 'friends' after the fact. I don't think their hookup was even alcohol-induced / a mistake, it just happened and she claims they mutually agreed to stay friends (which I doubt, she probably didn't see him that way - I'm sure he was trying to get with her for the most part when they became best friends but she was oblivious to it).
Tell me you're a weirdo without telling me...
I have several friends like this, so yeah it's possible and pretty common. Most of them I met in elementary school, college housing, drinking buddies, mutual friends etc. Yes, sometimes I hang out 1-1 with them, including drinks, talking about career, or shit going on in their life or whatever. You know, normal conversation. They're cute but not really my type; they have helped me get with their friends on numerous occasions, and I hook them up with mine. I'm not biding my time. The fact that you think there is some weird barrier to overcome tells me you've had limited life experience in this realm.
Seconded. Don't forget the work spouse either. Have had plenty of those, and it's a great joke after a while because after meeting their real spouse and they realize there's no "there, there" instead we just sit back and clink bottles. And some of these women are knockout levels (think former Playmates). Got them to meet my then-current girlfriends and behold, look at that, they became good friends. Not to mention the bffs I grew up with from elementary who are just that and then these weirdos who haven't had that experience come out thinking either of us are playing some type of long game?
Ah so you are the safe friend they are unattracted to - got it. And you think your gf would be fine with these friendships? Or would she be the 'weird' one for being concerned?
Just saying it's a unicorn. You might be the unicorn, or maybe you are misunderstanding the question and these are 'friends' but not 'real friends'. If you are going on overnight trips one on one with people of the opposite sex just the two of you and there's no tension of any kind then pat yourself on the back but you are the abnormal one in this spot.
Would love to compare our resumes in this subject though bro. Find it odd that so many woman are into hanging out with you but not showing sexual interest in you though lol so in that scenario you are right, dont have much experience
My guy Isaiah trying to say that men and women can't be friends because female lions bite the males nuts lmaoooooooo
My point was the female species is hornier than the male species.
Every man should have at least a couple women close friends in their circle. You won't bond with women in the same friendship as a man would exactly, but I feel like the main trade off is getting an unadulterated perspective into the other team - how they think, what their motives are, how to decode their actions that may not make sense off the cuff.
I think it's weird to assume you can't have a fully platonic relationship with a woman at will with any woman as a friend. You know how you don't have that physical urge when thinking of your sister who might be a friend? I just treat my women friends as if their family, which we intentionally don't sexualize and never will cross that boundary
As if their family what? As if their family were billionaires?
Poor grammar on my part - as if they’re family but yknow what I mean
Yes because I think it is very telling of your social ability. In my frat, all the guys who went to all boys schools were unable to be friends with girls because they had only ever seen or interacted with them in one context. Same goes for girls who went to all girls schools. I think kids who go to single gender schools don't develop as good social skills because of this.
It's very strange that you don't have like any experience of bonding with a woman without wanting to get into her pants. They're just... Normal people you know? My closest friend from school is a guy, and several close friends I got along with during my masters were also guys. My partner has close women friends and clicks with them over movie gossip. I've been on trips with "guy friends" without any tension of any sorts. These friends have added great value to my life - from emotional support to career advice, we discuss everything. I don't understand why you'd think this is impossible / rare. All guys I would ever consider attractive (and personality makes up like 80% for me personally - I'd run so far from a hot douche) have had women friends, and has the capacity to connect with people different from themselves.
I do agree that your spouse should be your best friend (mine is) but don't know about general population. That has never stopped either of us from making new friends (of any gender) and maintaing old friendships.
I generally agree that male-female platonic friendships are possible. But you have a boyfriend, right? I'm more concerned about not bringing your boyfriend to trips with other men, and having deep personal/sensitive conversations with other men. Same goes the other way around. I assume you both want to marry someday, so why spend time and energy with men (or women for your partner) who aren't going to be your future spouse? By that point, the both need to mesh like glue. Have you looked into the Billy Graham rule?
I love travelling and my partner isnt that much into it. Some of the trip I mentioned were during MBA / exchange, where his work schedule wouldn't let him travel so much but I wanted to go, so there. No rule says you have to do every single leisure activity with your partner, people can have different interests. And we are already married, so seems to be working fine :)
I'm not going to say an opinion but rather an observation to give a different perspective.
I met one girl who had tons of guy friends, like, she went out of her way to make male friends which was kinda new to me. I 'debated' this subject to her and mentioned I think it's possible for platonic friendships to happen but its very rare and typically one side is attracted to the other and is playing the long game (as someone said above) and she disagreed strongly saying that she has alot of guy friends and it's not weird.
I then pivoted the subject slightly and loosely asked if any of her friends made a move on her and her so-called "best guy friend like a brother" tried making out with her once and so did a couple of others. She has also hooked up with another 'guy friend.' Then the convo went quiet and I obviously had made my point.
It's kind of situational but I'd bet my money on the idea that one side has some sort of attraction 95% of the time. I do have 'girl friends' but I am 100% not attracted to them, I would not put myself in a position to be best friends with a girl if I was into them what so ever.
You can have female friends as a straight male, but you just can't have a best female friend. I myself would have exactly 3 female friends (actual friends that I would and have hung out 1:1 with without anyone trying to make a move). 2 of them are from childhood that I've known for 20+yrs and the other probably 3yrs now and she's actually like 7-8yrs older so mentally it's just not there on the table
However, none of these girls I'd describe as 'best friends' - not even close. We can hang out for a couple of hours easy or maybe a day, but would just run out of things to talk about and bond over. Versus with my actual guy best friends we could do multiple days / trips / etc and have a great time.
Virtually every time I've seen the 'female best friend' with a straight guy, he's been trying to hit it. Or it's sometimes the other way around. Just doesn't work out 99% of the time, and if the girl is actually an 8+ out of 10 then not a chance
Going to add a bit of nuance to this question as I think the answer depends on when you met the female friend. People who are arguing in favor are using examples of girls they met in college or school days. I believe that if you meet a girl early on and spend a lot of time casually with her in a group setting and 1-1 setting she can easily be seen as extended family to you. For example you’ve never thought of being in a relationship with your sister because you’ve spent a lot of time casually with her and from a young age. I can think off the top of my head several girls who I met early on who I’d see as extended family or platonic friends. I’ve lost touch with most of them but if we were to reconnect and do something 1-1 I wouldn’t see it as romantic in the slightest.
I’m not going to say it’s impossible but it’s extremely difficult to create the extended family dynamic with several girls once you leave college. Part of the problem is the lack of time due to work commitments. You only have so much spare time outside of work so if you are spending a decent chunk of time casually with a girl to create a best friend extended family dynamic chances are you’re spending most of your time with her among the time you spend with females and naturally romantic attraction is quite plausible. It’s not like college or school where you could casually hangout with dozens of girls for many hours and develop the best friend feeling without the exclusivity that often brings romantic attraction. Another problem is developing a consistent friend group outside of work. Again, very easy to do in college or high school. After that peoples lives keep changing so much that friends and contacts often change. If you are putting in quality time to maintain a friendship with a girl who may no longer live in the same area it can easily be perceived as something else and if you too don’t have years of friendship such as college it’s hard to tease out romantic interest or “orbiting” from genuinely keeping a friendship going. An additional problem is the generally formalities and expected professional behavior in the office. The barrier between being friends and coworkers is real in white collar industries. You can’t really develop the same sort of friendships in the way you could in college. A few coworkers will be nice but most have strange personalities (finance specific). Not every industry is like this and in certain more service sector oriented industries your coworkers become frat and sorority 2.0. In that case it’s absolutely possible to develop the extended family dynamic with females. Unfortunately, it’s largely irrelevant to us here and is a sacrifice that comes with the high compensation.
TLDR: For most of us here it’s possible if you met the girl college or before, otherwise very difficult.
Tenetur rerum voluptatem at voluptas iste eveniet velit. Aut quis sequi labore vitae quia iusto.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Non quas sit voluptate veniam dolorem maxime ratione. Voluptatem in illo quidem commodi.
Et repellendus est voluptates ea blanditiis aut. Vel et ea voluptate eveniet. Accusantium est aut debitis. Molestias voluptatem non velit assumenda aut et. Omnis quidem tenetur ratione labore voluptatem.
Id accusantium cumque laborum molestias deserunt iure. Sit unde ipsa repellendus tempora omnis. Dolores delectus quidem quia dolores maxime nulla quae. Non qui sint dignissimos. Sint ex omnis incidunt labore.
Qui nostrum modi tempore provident aut in. Nulla vel pariatur minima. Nesciunt occaecati consequuntur cupiditate natus. Sit exercitationem dolor voluptatum voluptas autem.