Bit of an introspective thought, but I wanted to get everyone's take. I realized I don't really have anyone or anything I can point to and irrefutably or unwaveringly say that I'm so glad to be alive because of X.
I always found life to be a coin flip between obligations and opportunities. Me being in a barely developed country (Canada) where the cost of living is "go fck yourself" and wage increase is "you'll take what we give and like it", I've always found the obligation to ring more true than opportunity. More over, being from an immigrant family, there's immense pressure to take on the legacy and carry on family traditions.
One theory I had is why I obsess over my professional career is because it offers a path of greater influence and outlet for my lack ownership and agency in the other aspects of my life. It also offers something to focus on other than... Let's say intrusive thoughts.
With that soliloquy of a post, let me ask again: what keeps you alive? And a follow up, is it an obligation or an opportunity?
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So you're saying the sina of my family pursuing a better life is my burden to carry and to that end, I should live and die in this country.
Yah, that's just not what I'm going to be doing. I'll see you in the US soon enough. Appreciate the perspective regardless.
I don't think anyone blames you or your parents for trying to move to a place with a better quality of life, but I suspect you and people in a similar situation would get angry at natives attempting to prevent you from doing so.
Family, and keeping them happy keeps me alive. Find a volunteer group and join them, you will feel much better about yourself knowing your time is actually spent helping others.
Also don’t turn into one of those guys that lives in a 1st world country with stable access to food water and shelter, but all they do is fucking complain about how hard they think they have it. These people are insufferable, and ironically enough they end up being the most self centered people around even though they try to project themselves as some saint trying to stand up for others. Help others and be grateful or stop complaining.
Appreciate the perspective and I don't want to be self entitled and complain, but my frustration is also well-warranted. I've just got to find an outlet or ways to adjust my cognitive behaviour rather than ignoring the problem.
I'll take a look into volunteering and social groups.
A healthy mixture of spite, greed, lust, and ambition.
That does explain a few things...
Water
Always the prophet, so wise in the ways of science
Honestly, I love poker. Went deep in a tourney today and finished 7th of 2959. God it feels good to run deep. Wishing I got 1st though.
Overall life view though is just to wish and hope people are kind to another. In every situation in life and work, we have the opportunity to be kind. Even if the day is going bad, we must be kind to each other. That is it. Cheers!
Feeling things keeps me alive. I like to feel things, sensations. Mostly good, but even the visceral nature of negative or harsh feelings gives me a high of some sort. I don't know if my senses and feelings are heightened because I experience things more intensely than others but I really get a hit out of them all. To me that is the purpose of life is to feel all the feelings and sensations. Unlocking new ones for the first time is always a rush and reasserts to me that this is what it really means to be alive and have life in this world. I like adrenaline. I like happiness. I like melancholy. I like anticipation. I like uncertainty and bleeding curiosity. I like the struggle and journey of things while chasing achievements. There's beauty in the struggle. This stuff started as an opportunity but became an obligation as I became obsessed with it. Now I'm grateful for the opportunities. To me this is what makes life valuable and worth living. It's the only one you have and the only place you'll get to do this exactly like this so why not? I feel obligated to find them all and live as many as I can because of it. Thanks for reading my schizo ramble.
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