As an analyst, I certainly feel more mature than I was in college, but I still at my core feel like a "kid" inside, and I guess a part of that has to do with the fact I'm surrounded by people older than me, and I just had a closing dinner on Thursday which really kind of nailed into me the disconnect between the senior associates and up and myself.
On this deal, I was the only analyst, and the next person above me is ~32. Throughout most of the dinner, everyone just talked about their families and family plans and whatnot, and I joined when I could but since then it's made feel strange in that it shined a light on how young I am. And all of their talk about their wives and their kids first days in school and all that just kind of got me into a panic in the sense that I'm basically hanging on a thread in my own wellbeing, so I cannot imagine the thought even changing a kid's diaper, let alone imagining the bittersweet sorrow of their first day of kindergarten.
So my question is to those of you who are older and wiser, at what point in your life (and I would appreciate a number as I am 24) did you feel like a real adult with real adult responsibilities and emotional payoffs?
When did you start to feel like a real adult?
29 and I have friends in their late 30s and early 40s, but it doesn’t make me feel less like a kid. I ultimately still enjoy a lot of the same things that I did when I was 21 - I’m just more mature, experienced, and have more money compared to when I was 21.
On my first day of kindergarten
A couple summers ago we were on MV and driving the beach pickup down to the water to watch the fireworks. All the kids were in the bed of the truck and my buddies grandpa was in the golf cart next to me. Then I realized I was the cool uncle driving the kids and teenagers to the fireworks and not the kids in the truck bed
When I moved out of my parent’s house at 17 and then joined the military at 18.
When I started paying property taxes
For me it was my late 20s. Covid was a bubble where I lived at home for 1.5yrs and still felt like a kid…couple years later I got more advanced in my career with people treating me very much like an adult with all the upside and downside that comes with it. Also seeing friends start to get married, learning how to really cook, and generally the fading of many things I enjoyed when I was younger (gaming, anime, fiction reading). I still do some of those but to very limited extent, I’ve just lost interest in a lot of that
once you hit late 20s I think you see all of these things around you happening and you realize 30 is not far off and you really start getting your act together. There’s a lot of sympathy for kids in early 20s, at mid-20s it’s ’it’s ok but they need to start figuring things out in a year or two’ and by late 20s sympathy really starts dissipating. By 30 there’s just no excuse not to have your crap together
In a world where you could freeze frame your younger self yes, it would be amazing to stay that way and be carefree. But give everyone ages, at 30 you don’t want to be doing the same things you were at 23 as purely by looking around you, you’ll notice you’ve let life pass you behind
if you don’t want kids, I’ll caveat you have a few more years of leeway for maturity but if you’re thinking kids by early 30s then I think you need like up your ducks in the timeline I mentioned. Just my two cents of course, others have their own perspectives
When you need to start caring for others this will happen real fast. Can be any number of things:
- maybe you run a business or team where others livelihoods depends on your decisions
- maybe you have a stay at home wife or are raising kids
- You could also have aging parents that need to be taken care of to some degree
When others start looking for you to lead and make decisions that will impact them then you will feel like you've taken a pretty big step forward, which is a lot different than the 'look I changed car insurance plans for the first time Im ADULTING' phase of your early 20s.
The cycle as far as I can see it goes 1. Others make decisions for you to 2. you make decisions for yourself to 3. You make decisions for others
These stages of life hit earlier in more traditional / conservative areas. If you are raising a kid at 25 in Georgia then you will develop some aspects of maturity very fast. NYC, Chicago, SF, LA are all fun but you are basically delaying adulthood as long as you want. You can be 35 in NYC and live like a college kid and no one will bat an eye. If you do that in other places you will be viewed as a bit of a pariah.
Not saying that's a bad thing. Enjoy every aspect of life while you are in them. Youll get there eventually so enjoy whatever freedom you have when you have it
I really enjoyed reading the three-step framework. Thanks
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