When you can’t measure up

So I (23M) have been thinking about this for a while and as someone who did banking at a BB to hide my physical insecurities, this has really put me on edge. So I joined somewhat of a sweaty group at the bank I’m at and they end up doing really unique traditions since they think those traditions help us score mandates. One activity specifically really concerned me and has honestly taken a toll on my mental health.

Once I was onboarded and passed my FINRA exams, I was asked to come to a meeting for the entire group. I walk into a dark room with a projector playing a blank white screen with my MD and one of the VPs standing on both sides of the projector. They welcomed me and told me to sit down. Then, they began to glaze themselves on how much deal flow our group has been getting relative to the other groups that are seeing extreme layoffs.

Once they show all of their infographics, they exit out of the presentation and turn to me and ask “Do you know how we get to be the lead advisor for all of these deals?” I replied saying because our group is the best at what it does. That was apparently the wrong answer since the entire group erupted into laughter. As the cackles subsided, the MD takes a deep breathe and says “We are bigger than our competitors.“ At this point, I’m significantly confused as our group is probably on the smaller side for number of people. The VP then jumps in and continues by saying “We ALL are bigger than our competitors. Every single one of us.” I then interrupt and ask “What do you mean bigger?” Immediately, I watch as my MD’s face gradually transforms into a massive smile. He then exclaims “Let’s show em guys” and at that moment everyone stands up except for me and rips off their pants exposing their massive erect penises to my eyes — Not a single one of their logs were under 7.5 inches (This includes the three women in the group who apparently had cocks which was concerning in itself since I thought they were hot).

At this point, the VP takes over and discusses how I need to show them my cock now and project it on the screen so they can take accurate measurements. I look around at the monster cocks surrounding me in dismay knowing that my average Joe willy could never compete with these sigma rockets. The MD then says to me: “I know this is a lot to take in, so you’re welcome to go to the bathroom to fluff before we take your measurements.” I tell him yes and sprint out of the room and end up leaving for the day telling HR that I fell severely ill. I now am contemplating a lot of things including my job and my Johnson size. Anyone have any advice on what to do?