Why do parents hyper-control their children?
Please tell me, why do parents put parental controls on their children's mobile devices? No, I'm not talking about harmless protection from 18+ NSFW content, but still, to do it on the scale of limiting the viewing of any app to 30-60 minutes a day is frankly terrible. Why limit a child's search for information, ways to be entertained, etc.? It's stupid and ineffective. As a result, you will only get apathy and depression in the child. I'm talking about exceptional situations where parents control the child in everything, down to his communication with his friends. I asked a lot of acquaintances who have children, and they also use parental control. Here, take a look at it - https://bestparentalcontrolapps.com/. I don't understand why many adults still use it.
Not sure if you have children, I am assuming you don't.
1) you underestimate the peer pressure and influences via a mobile device in the world we live in. Snapchat, tiktok, messaging apps, and social media do a lot more harm than intended. There are young children out there who ki***d themselves because of something that was posted about them. If controls like this help save even one child, it is a useful measure.
2) the biggest investment you make as a human is creating life. It will be the most difficult thing you will do. Raising children is more demanding than anything else.
Wouldn't you protect your biggest investment ever with any means possible?
3) a lot of risks and dangers to a child are completely avoidable. It often starts with a harmless text or like and elevates from there, and many incidences have horrible effects on a young child, even a teenager. Many Children don't have the judgement required and this is where the parents come in. These controls are helping the child live a safe childhood, so they can become responsible parents one day themselves.
4) media consumption has a different effect on a young person than adults. Variety during the day, adequate amount of sleep, physical activity and more is relevant. I don't know what the healthy time limits are, but every parent should research this on their own. I don't think a child should have "unlimited" media consumption during the day though.
It's not about precautions, like protecting yourself from unsafe sources of information and unwanted communication. It's about the unhealthy hyper-openness of a child who is 12 to 17 years old. For children under the age of 7 or 8, I would not give access to the Internet at all, because such immature minds with a soft psyche are capable of falling under the influence of ill-wishers.
I was a smart enough child to distinguish at an early age between negative and positive on the expanses of the Internet. I was raised by the Internet, I can admit it. But first of all, I was moulded into a blob of intelligence, as I was as a child. For this, I am grateful to my parents.
The number of suicides because of my parents exceeds the number of suicides because of the Internet. If an already mature person is restricted in any way, their teenage psyche will malfunction, causing it to develop into adolescent trauma, and that trauma will develop into mental problems like depression, self-harm and suicidal behaviour. A personality that is already formed cannot tolerate the perpetual control of people who think they are superior and more intelligent than they are. All aspects of life will suffer because of this, which is why control must be moderate. First of all, it is necessary to teach the child to distinguish between negative and garbage information from the Internet and the information that will prove to be neutral or useful.
Parents should only give the child a fishing rod and teach him/her how to use it, not put ready-made fish in the child's mouth. This way, the child will form an independent person, not a helpless amoeba.
P.S: My English may not be very good because it is not my first language
I had 100% media exposure from the age of six to now. No limits, any video, any adult content, any youtube, any movie, any video game (I only liked the violent ones), and I have used and still use forums, media and the rest for up to 16 hours a day or longer.
I don't think it was a good solution. I can't even have a meal without a screen in front of me. If I don't watch 2-3 movies per day, I feel sick.
Easy enough to say, harder to put into practice. When your parents hand you that fishing rod, and your first cast you hook yourself in the ass and start bleeding all over the place, do you suggest that your parents let you find your own way to the doctor?
Your claim that the "number of suicides due to parents exceeds the number of suicides due to the internet" deserves some support, because that doesn't seem to be true at all (I'll chalk the "because of my parents" up to the ESL issue you mention!).
Most importantly, just because you claim to be able to distinguish between good and bad information does not mean all children will - hell, most people can't. Look on this site, at the number of people who read a headline and think they understand an issue and very clearly don't. At the end of the day, parents love their children and want them to be safe and happy, and the fact that many err on the side of being overly cautious isn't the end of the world. All you can see is your perspective - they don't let you play outside, for example, because they're worried you'll be kidnapped. But god forbid you were kidnapped, your parents would never forgive themselves for not doing everything they could to protect you. You are ignoring their emotional state in favor of an assumption that you know what's best, which frankly is almost never true.
As a teenager/young adult, you don't know anything about the world, you think you do, but you don't. Your parents can see the pitfalls that you can't, and they're not stupid. They've been in this world for decades longer than you. No matter how much you think you know more than them, you don't. They've done it. All the little stupid stuff that you think only you and your friends know, they've done it. All the lies you tell them, they've said to their parents. They may not have grown up with social media, but for them, it was music, magazines, movies, etc. They've seen things that they would never talk to you about, and they know how fucked up this world can be in ways you haven't figured out yet. Every kid thinks they're mature for their age and understand everything; they're not and don't.
Be grateful they love you enough to control what you consume. There are a lot of kids out here raising themselves, and their parents don't give af what they do. You will thank them when you're their age. Until then, get mad at your parents, follow their rules, move out, rebel, have kids of your own, and watch them hate and judge you. It's the necessary circle of life. You'll be ok.
Sidenote: Many of the creators of these phones make their kids limit their usage. That should tell you something.
Alas, I am no longer a teenager. My parents never resorted to hyper-control. I have studied a little bit of psychology, and I understand that it is impossible to live with constant hyper-personalization. You sound like the kind of parent who hyper-supervises her child. I'm sorry if that's the case. You need to learn how to raise your children properly so that you don't injure them and be on friendly terms with them. Otherwise, it will ruin the children's lives, and they will be miserable. It is necessary to understand and accept them as they are. It is impossible to love and respect someone who will control you in everything and show hyper-custody.
Because the parents probably did not spend time outside where the one rule was you have to be home when the lights come on. And they somehow don't want that for their children. Or if you heard the Peacocks come out and you knew it was time to get inside (I'm sure our Aussie kin can agree with the Cassowaries how hateful these birds are). I'm not saying the sad trope of "touch grass". Just that your time should be spent outside playing, skating, biking, getting in trouble with the police to the point of getting a helicopter called to look for you, etc. They won't let their kids get out there and see the world, be active, be person-to-person social.
> but still, to do it on the scale of limiting the viewing of any app to 30-60 minutes a day is frankly terrible
No one should be spending 60 min a day on a single app, or on their phones total.
iPad kid moment.
Anyone below the age of 18 shouldn't have a phone, period.
"About 25% of children received phones by age 10.7, and 75% by age 12.6. Nearly all children had phones by age 15 years. Among children who owned phones, 99% had smartphones by the end of the study."
"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
Doesn't change the fact that anyone under 18 shouldn't have a phone
I try not to micro manage my kids' lives. Where do you draw the line as to what activities you want to control? If a kid wants to do some bad stuff, they are going to figure out a way to do it. anyway. If they get good grades and do not do drugs, they have passed my test. My spouse is stricter than me, though. I learned my approach from my own parents who would let me do whatever but I did not given them any reason to be overly concerned.
Eius corrupti est nam nihil itaque enim occaecati. Et error distinctio dolorem. Enim omnis qui quas in esse.
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