Random Whining
It seems strange to me that people think I’m successful. Yeah, I have a good job right out of college. It pays the bills and looks good on a resume and is gonna help me get into a decent business school. And then I’ll graduate that business school and take a job with an even better resume-building firm, and I’ll move up the ladder from job to job and company to company. And I’ll maybe even be a millionaire with a big house and a pretty wife and spoiled kids who go fancy private schools that aren’t actually better than public schools in a practical sense but hey, that’s what the other millionaires’ kids do, so why not?
But at the end of this life that I’m leading, I’m not sure I’m gonna have much to look back on and really appreciate. I don’t have much need for all that money. People say I do, or I will when I get older. But I’m 22. I’m old enough, old enough to have a good idea of what’s in store for me and my pretty future wife and spoiled future kids. My question is: is it worth it? More importantly: Can I do something different, something better?
My parents have it relatively easy . They immigrated here from India, so no matter how successful they are in their own personal and professional lives, it won’t matter. All that does matter is how their kids turned out. How I turned out. That’s because for an educated, well-to-do immigrant, nothing is more valuable a commodity than their children’s potential. An immigrant parent could be a rocket scientist or CEO or a cricket star, but their life’s worth will ultimately be judged by how successful their kids turn out to be. This is a strange measure though, because while most of these immigrant kids end up fulfilling their parents’ expectations, the ‘success’ always feels hollow.
What makes it hollow? Well, I’m still trying to figure it out. I guess part of it is that I realize that many of my accomplishments are directly the result of my parents’ influence. If I was adopted by some other family, a normal American family, I probably wouldn’t have aced my AP classes and gone to an Ivy League school and accepted the cushy job with the soulless consulting firm. Economists always talk about ‘the invisible hand’ leading the free market to prosperity. For the child of an immigrant, it’s more like a very visible hand shoving them towards violin practice and tennis lessons and trivia bowl competitions, sometimes literally.
The bigger reason behind this hollowness stems from the realization that no matter what I do, it’ll never really equal what my parents did. It can’t be equal because it’s like comparing apples to orange chicken. Their ultimate goal was to establish a family in America and have their kids thrive. That’s noble, it has meaning, it’s something worth fighting for. Me though? What’s my ultimate goal? If the answer is the big house and pretty wife and spoiled kids, well, that’d be a huge letdown. I have nothing noble to fight for. For the time being, I’ll work hard and get a big bonus so that my parents can be more proud for having succeeded in their goal. I need my own end game though. I need my own reason to live. And I desperately need to figure out what that is.
how did you like cornell? and no woman would spread em for a whining pussy like you. man the fuck up.
Your goal is to be part of the system and help it function. The system that is evolving and will possibly take control over all living beings on the planet and perhaps our galaxy and then the universe, if it doesn't self destruct beforehand. Just be thankful that God allowed you to play your small part in The Plan, even though you don't know the actual goal.
A cell that is part of the structure of my finger has its purpose - it is born to help the matter of my skin not fall apart and its mission is to divide until it dies and is replaced by other cells. But it can not understand my goal to fuck that hot chick or the point of calculating deferred tax assets. In the same way, you should accept your role as a cell building a greater structure whose purpose you don't understand. You should do whatever you feel like doing.
To read more about cells, refer to - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cell_(biology) Here's some info on cell division, so that you don't forget your roots - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cell_division
You sound like a naive and ungrateful prick. Do you even realize how well off you are compared to most other people on this planet? That you have the audacity to complain about your situation sickens me.
Your end game and everyone's end game is to be happy in life. You may think your parents' end game was to have children who are successful -- no, the truth is, their end game is to be happy as well. It just so happens to be that your success is a function of their happiness.
Find out what makes you happy and try to maintain that for as long as possible. Most people can't.
I can understand where the OP is coming from (immigrant parents from subcontinent -> Ivy -> Finance/Consulting path -> successful, yet boring and inconsequential existence). I thought the same way he did last year. Fortunately, however, I have come to realize what I need to do to attain a greater sense of achievement.
i think what you are missing is the thrill of independence. knowing that whether you succeed or fail depends on you and not the wise guidance of parents who have your best interest at heart. it is true that your moderate successes would taste sweeter if you made it on your own, but i can assure you that plenty of people would kill to have solicitious parents such as yours who knew what the fuck they were talking about when they were guiding you. most of the sad sack non-targets on WSO who will never get into banking or even consulting would agree.
Are you really asking a bunch of strangers what you can do to reach happiness? youre 22, grow a set and make shit happen. you dont like consulting? do something else that you do like or shut the hell up. you probably dont realize the resources you have coming from an Ivy. I doubt everyone in your class reluctantly took a high paying consulting job because it was the only thing out there for the son of immigrants. But since you asked for the advice here you go: Move to Indian and forfeit your American citizenship. Then immigrate. Youll have the lovely feeling your parents did of being strangers in a strange land, having to work their asses off to give their children the things they did not have, only to have them squander them in a feeble attempt at finding self worth in their first year on the job. Instant gratification doesnt exist. you want something, go for it. Going to an Ivy i would think you would have this instilled in you from the get go. SHEEESH.
TLDR
You have asked a question that only you can answer. No one here knows what will make you happy or give your life meaning.
All of the advantages that you have had in life are not the goal, they are the means to pursue whatever it is that will give your life meaning...charity work, starting a company, religion, climbing mountains, whatever.
You are fortunate to have parents that made providing a better life for their children a top priority. They did this so you would be able to be in a place to make choices about what you want to do. You are there now so make the most of it.
Hey newbie2011. Don't let the negative responses get you down, though they have a point about needing to suck it up and face life.
I can relate to what you're going through because I've had something very similar happen to me, and it is still something I'm dealing with.
I think what you're experience might be "existential depression," or at least some parts of it. It might benefit you to read about it here: http://www.sengifted.org/articles_counseling/Webb_ExistentialDepression…
and here: http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/XP52.html
Many people may find the writings I've posted here to be rubbish craziness, but if you've experiences what is written, then you'll know it's legitimate.
In any case, I understand what you're going through. I'm the son of Indian immigrants and went to an Ivy League school too.
If you want to chat about it or about whatever, let me know. It's might do both of us some good.
Well I don't know you personally, but just try to find a hobby (seriously) or something to make you happy. Date! that usually keeps most people satisfied no matter how shitty life is atm. If you want to be drastic ( but be careful), quit your job, go travel, do what you want. Sounds like you have money, unless your parents will cut you off.
If you got the financial security, you can kind of do whatever you want. I somewhat understand where you are coming from. I left university to pursue business goals because the college-work life didn't appeal to me. FYI just be careful the way you come across as ungrateful, you got to realize the opportunities, most would die for.
It sounds to me like you feel you've left your friends and interests behind. Sometimes I also feel alienated from old friends. I am 27, and in this economy, I have a number of friends who just keep falling on their ass. You should feel good that you have accomplished so much, and remember to take time to pursue hobbies and make friends. There is more to life than work, but don't hold your upbringing against you. It made you what you are.
I'm assuming you were born in the US. If so go back to the poorest areas in India for a couple of weeks or any third world country and realize how great you have it. Live with some locals (with no running water, or join some type of green peace group) not a fancy hotel. Within days you will have a renewed sense of self and will see what real despair is and this will get you to snap out of it real quick. The problem is you feel guilty for being spoiled. Be grateful that as a first generation immigrant you have access to what you do. Most Americans, let alone 99.9% of the world would love an education (and I am not talking about college) and the opportunities you have.
OP - was your entire upbringing, your whole time before going to the Ivy, relatively financially secure / stable? If so, your rant makes more sense in a way - you just don't have the context that the other posters here are referring to as needing to go back to India and see real despair, etc. etc.
It's interesting, was just thinking about this last week from the other side - was on a flight from NYC to SF, with a glass of wine and lobster tail (in first), musing how amazing it is / how far I've come (at least financially) from being nearly on the street roughly 10 years ago, from my parents not having enough savings to make the next mortgage payment, to a great job on the buyside flying first on freq. flyer miles (I know, I know, private is where it's at). It's all about context, which you only get from experience.
You need to think about what you want, independent of whatever makes your parents happy, and then get on a path to pursue it. That's all really, but it's far easier said than done.
Good luck.
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