Dealing with Cold Seniors
Caveat I know I sound like a pussy and this could probably be a general post not PE. I also am acutely aware of people’s emotions.
Is it normal to have seniors who don’t say hi / bye, don’t really acknowledge your presence, and in general just kind of avoid eye contact with juniors?
Lateraled to a new PE firm and pretty fresh. I do think there’s an inherent “have to prove yourself” aspect to this job and industry, and we are here to serve and make seniors money, but maybe I’ve just been so used to this toxic environment that I accept this as normal.
Anyone else experience something similar? Does it get better with time and candidly just performing and proving yourself?
It’s not uncommon in private equity (or finance in general) to encounter seniors who are distant or cold, especially in environments where the culture prioritizes performance over interpersonal relationships. Based on the most helpful WSO content, here are some insights and advice:
Cultural Norms in PE: The "prove yourself" mentality is deeply ingrained in the industry. Many seniors may adopt a more transactional approach, focusing on results rather than fostering personal connections with juniors. This doesn’t necessarily mean they dislike you—it’s often just the culture of the firm or their personal management style.
Toxic vs. Normal: While some level of distance can be normal, outright avoidance or lack of basic courtesy (like saying hi or bye) can feel toxic. It’s worth observing whether this is a firm-wide culture or specific to certain individuals. If it’s the latter, it might just be their personality rather than a reflection of your performance.
Does It Get Better?: Yes, it often does. As you prove yourself through consistent performance, seniors are more likely to acknowledge and respect your contributions. Building trust takes time, especially in high-stakes environments like PE.
How to Navigate This:
Long-Term Perspective: If the culture feels overwhelmingly toxic and doesn’t improve over time, it’s worth considering whether this firm aligns with your values and career goals. There are PE firms with more supportive and collaborative cultures, as highlighted in threads discussing firms that prioritize work-life balance and mentorship.
Remember, you’re not alone in feeling this way. Many have faced similar challenges, and it’s part of navigating the industry. Keep your head up, focus on your work, and give it time.
Sources: Director told me seniors in my team don’t like me because I speak out, PE firms that people actually like, and why, Is it just me or are PE Associates garbage these days?, The Work Always Gets Done, Most likely going to be ranked bottom bucket, even though doing well
Bump
How senior? Like firm founder or like VPs? How big is the team?
One of most senior members of team but of my team; small (fewer than 12), I’m newest person.
do you really need the approval of an asshole that lived +30/40 years on the face of this Earth and still can't have a fucking pleasant interaction with a junior?
as long as you're extracting value from the job, the people you work daily with like you, and you get proper training/feedback/mentoring from other seniors/associates, that's enough to stay some years
only after some years might be appropriate to jump ship, because a good senior can mentor you, so there is an opportunity cost in working under a socially incompetent one, but for now focus just on learning
Definitely happens man. It's very common. I spent my associate years at well-known MM fund with sweaty/below-average culture. Pretty toxic at times. Some of the seniors were the most robotic, mechanical, cold-hearted ppl in the world. It's not personal. They just don't give a sh*t about you. You are hired labor. That is there to support them in realizing their carry. That's it. I actually didn't mind. It is what it is.
(If you can tolerate it. I wouldnt sweat it. I would just readjust your expecations. But if it really bothers you where it's affecting your health / wel-being, then it's perfectly fine to think about other options)
I'm now at different MM+ firm that's just as hard-working but much better culture. (Was extremelyyy hard to lateral here, multi-year effort). And ppl here actually have emotional intelligence and care about each other.
But I actually think my first firm was more "common". So I wouldn't run at the first sight of that.
Agree with the above. I’ve been fortunate to work at spots with better culture but cold/aloof seniors can be pretty common for traditional, pedigreed PE (interviewed at a few spots like this).
Don’t let it bother you. You can always break the ice with a “good morning” and worst case they ignore you. Maybe they’ll warm up. If not, just know it’s not you.
Seniors at my MM firm do not acknowledge my existence
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