lateral associate back-channel check?

Back-channel checks: I'm starting to recruit for lateral associate positions, but am worried about the possibility of the firms I'll be interviewing at reaching out to people at my current firm (doing a back-channel check behind my back). I'm concerned because

  1. seems like everyone knows everyone once you narrow down to a certain size (MM, LMM) / sector / geography, it might just be a phone call away / they might already know or have talked to each other
  2. my path to my current PE role is non-traditional (ignore title), and I wonder if the interviewing firm might want to do an extra check just because of that.

Can anyone who's successfully lateraled share your experience?

Reference checks: do interviewing firms require references from current firm? for obvious reasons, I wouldn't want the interviewing firm to call anyone at my current firm. what's been your experience?

Good reason for leaving / lateraling: when I explain why I'm trying to lateral within 1 year, is it acceptable to say my current firm / deal team did a pretty bad deal to the extent that I'm concerned about my opportunities there? (This is true, but how do I say it in a way that doesn't seem like I'm blaming my current firm?)

Would also welcome any stories / tips on how you navigated the lateral process / got lateral interviews. Thanks!

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