Mental illness in PE/IB

Just getting through one day at a time. I would get super overwhelmed in the beginning thinking about how long my career was and how much I would have to "suffer," but boiling it down to one single day (ik easier on some days than others) helped me.

OP here. I've had major depression and anxiety since I was a kid - my mom did some shit to me that messed me up. My boss says my work is impeccable but that I can come across as harsh and sometimes rub external people the wrong way. Wish I was able to be more chill.

Oh yeah. Many high functioning alcoholics and many sociopaths who might seem like they just have sharp elbows but are genuinely fucked.

buddy….whomst amongst us…

OP here. This is not a troll post. When I was 8 my mom and her husband at the time sexually abused me. Didn't realize how much it messed me up until I realized I had trouble building real connections with people. Found myself over the years always spacing out, daydreaming. Therapist said that's probably where my mind went when I was being assaulted as a kid and got used to it as a defense mechanism.

Today I am quite successful in PE but in my personal life I'm a mess. Thank god I have a good wife that is helping me unpack this

I have Borderline Personality Disorder (Impuslive subtype) as well as low-grade Autism. It's very much like being high and drunk at the same time. Rough social skills and self-awareness makes you act drunk but the BPD also fucks your perception up such that the shit you're reacting/responding to isn't even on base to begin with. 

I just have to remind myself to STFU a lot and always come back around. Shit happens, least I aint gay. Pretty sure I can still make MD because all the smart ones leave for PE after two years anyway and it's pretty easy in IB.

Sorry to hear about the stuff you had to deal with growing up OP. Good to hear that you have a supportive significant other who's been able to not only understand you, but work with you through all of this.

Also deal with depression and anxiety due to childhood/adolescence trauma with mom being root cause of it. After a failed attempt senior year of high school I realized I needed to get my shit together and actually started investing in my mental health.

Having 2-3 close friends I can talk to on a pretty deep level when feeling overwhelmed has helped a lot, rather than bottling everything up until breaking point. Aside from that, spending time outdoors and kickboxing classes has been a great relief and something I enjoy.

It seems like you've come a long way. One thing I've been told is that there isn't a "finish line" per say with mental health. Instead, it's a life long journey with a path of recovery that isn't always linear. Be easy on yourself, but never give up on getting better. Much Love.

I’ve had major depression since I was 11, medicated since then. I find this job is perfect because I’m really good at being miserable by now.

I’m convinced my boss has a toxic cocktail of heavy narcissism plus fragile ego mixed with other psychopathic tendencies. 0/10 would not recommend 

Have had anxiety and depression basically my whole childhood and early adulthood - these were exacerbated by concussions from hockey. Feel like it is a miracle I was able to get this career with the battle going on in my mind. 

I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and pretty intense ADHD (hard to focus/not hype). Unfortunately my career suffered in the beginning as I tried navigating the rough stretches of banking while not being mentally healthy.

Eventually, I tried taking medicine and as you know that could be a shit show and a lot of times it made me feel worse as you trial and error what works. Fortunately, a good private psychiatrist (I think therapy is a money pit, find a good psychiatrist) diagnosed me with bipolar disorder and put me on some mood stabilizers that have been life changing. Finance is rough when you have serious mental illnesses. A career is long, try to get these things under control as early as you can.

The rough answer is more people than you think. Everyone struggles with something and I think the work/life balance of most finance jobs in major cities only exacerbate the issues. Combined with an unhealthy lifestyle that is short on sleep, exercise, eating healthy, etc and you have a recipe for pushing people to their brink. 

It only takes one health scare (physical or mental) to make you realize that health is really key to everything we do. You can have a ton of money, but it doesn't matter if you die early. I'd encourage ways to try and find as much balance as possible or as much balance as your can manage. To me, it's completely ok to be a little more unbalanced early in your career as you're trying to build a base. As Elon Musk has said, you can't change the world on 40 hours a week, and while I think that's generally true, you need to figure out what your body and brain can handle without physically/mentally burning out. 

Go see a therapist, even if you don't feel like you have the accute need, it takes some time to find the right person and it's worth starting the process early on. I personally think of a good therapist as a coach of sorts, they've helped me professionally and personally and being stable and balanced is key for long-term success. I'd make sure you stay social, whatever that means for you. Invest in personal and professional relationships as much as you can. Maintain hobbies and be as healthy as you can. Limit self destructive tendencies, and ask for help if you need it. 

I've posted about this before but developed pretty bad anxiety / depression at my old firm. Similar to the above, had a bit of a health scare (had to go to the ER for stress-related concerns) that led me to start seeing a therapist and temporarily take anti-anxiety medication. The constant need to be on call / fear of making a mistake (induced by my superiors) pretty much made me never be able to relax and I burned out pretty quick. 

Those methods above helped me cope in my PE stint, but also helped me realize what I wanted in life and I reprioritized where my job fit into everything. Ended up getting a job that fulfills me way more while being less hours, and that worked for me and no longer see a therapist or take any prescriptions.

While I think the above is way more common than you think, there is also another angle that compounds this. A lot of people in this industry are driven by money / prestige which I'd think could be attributed to narcissism or neuroticism or some other social disability that ends up hurting their ability to be a good manager. Because they are bad managers, they compound this issue and often create poor cultures which leads to the issues I mentioned at the top of my post. A bit of a negative feedback loop.

With that said, had some great bosses in my time. Don't want to sound negative, but wanted to convey it's pretty normal and commonplace, unfortunately.