Moved to Different City for PE
Hi - I moved from NYC to SF because I had an offer for a $10bn+ fund here and thought (and still do) I wanted to do PE career track. After 2.5 months, I’ve come to realize I’m miserable here. I have good hours, comparatively, but part of W/L balance is how you use your free time and all I do is workout and play fifa. My coworkers are nice but none of them are nightlife type and dating scene is ok and I’m meeting people that way but I don’t want a dating relationship (I didn’t know many people out here before coming). Part of me wants to lateral at the end of my first year and other half thinks I’m screwing myself if I do. Any advice or did anyone go through something similar?
Yeah I did. It’s called growing up. Learn to be alone and forge your own path. The structure of college and Big firm IB are gone bud. I challenge you to really dig into your self and see what you get up to when presumably no one is watching. It’s a powerful, liberating and sometimes scary feeling to know your out there all alone and can do whatever you want but I would embrace it and see where it takes you.
I’m a PE associate, my job is very defined and I’m not going to work 100 hours a week for the sake of working more
I think he means find your self (personally), hobbies, friends, etc while you have a bettter wLb and in new city ..
Ahh got it, sorry read it as excel at PE haha
how did you interpret his comment like that? wtf lol
I remember your posts about not wanting to go to SF, if that was you. Sorry it hasn't worked out yet. Even if you do leave at 1 year, think learning to be alone is a good experience and not a waste at all.
Find hobbies. Rec sports league - even if you're not good at sports, great way to meet people. Go to tennis lessons or cooking lessons or running club or literally any group activity you can think of. If you're meeting people through dating, stay friends with any quality girls where there's mutually no spark - get invited to their pregames and such.
No advice but I’m literally in the same position as you. Lateraled to SF but coworkers don’t like night life as much. Have some college friends here, but trying to meet new people while working PE schedule is tough.
I did this for PE too. Best thing is to tap friends of friends from back home. Ya know… networking. That thing you have probably done before
I've now lived in 7 different cities since graduating from undergrad, including two in which I barely spoke the language. Some of these were not exactly 'happening' cities with robust nightlife (Richmond VA, Pittsburgh PA, Cagliari Italy). There are good people in literally every city on the planet but it is incumbent upon you to make it happen. Here is some advice:
1 - Recreational sports teams are a fantastic way to meet active people. Many recreational leagues allow you to sign up as a 'free agent' where they basically put you on a team with a bunch of randoms or assign you to a coordinated team that is lacking a few players. I joined an "Extreme Super Social Kickball" league in Richmond VA that I found online.
2 - You need to be comfortable talking to strangers or just saying "yes" to things you wouldn't otherwise do. Examples:
- When I moved to Richmond, I had a few friendly chats with my neighbors (who were roughly 60 years old). They invited me to a block party where the average age was probably 50 and the second youngest person was 30+ (I was 22 at the time). I stayed for a few hours and introduced myself as someone new to the area. A week or two later I got a random email from a girl in her 20s inviting me to a keg party at her place -- apparently her parents were friends with someone who went to the party and they told her I was new in the city and had no friends. She was born and raised in Richmond so I ended up meeting and befriending a whole bunch of locals while I was there.
- When I moved to Pittsburgh, I started going to a restaurant and sitting at the bar by myself every day after work. I would stay for hours and chat with the bartenders and wait staff. I would stay until closing and then offer to help them with closing responsibilities because I worked behind a bar once while in college (restocking the beer, cleaning the bar, and even counting the cash). Afterwards we would go out to another bar or dancing or a house party etc.
- When I moved back to Boston after having been gone for four years, I reached out to a guy that I met at a house party literally four years prior and asked him if he wanted to get caught up. We got dinner and ended up building a friendship (including a trip to Barcelona to watch F.C. Barcelona play live)!
- When I moved to London during COVID, I was on a run through Hyde Park and passed by a bunch of guys playing pickup football. The ball happened to go out of bounds and I kicked it back .. they invited me to play, I said yes, and joined them every Saturday morning for two years.
- When I moved to Cagliari Italy, I found a Facebook group called Cagliari Expats that hosted weekly meetups where people practiced their English (it was mostly Italians but a handful of others from around Europe and an American or two). I started going every week and chatting with whomever I sat next to. I told everyone I met that I was looking for a football (soccer) team and one local introduced me to her friend who immediately added me to their pickup games. I also quickly made friends with others and we started regularly doing everything from going to the beach, lunch/dinner, billiards, or just casually hanging out. Voila, friends!
3 - Don't expect others to invite you to do things, make it happen.
- After moving to London and having COVID restrictions lifted, I started hosting small dinners where we would make dinner and play board games on a Friday night (6-8 people). I had my core group of friends that I invited every single time (4 of us, two guys two girls) and then I would invite 2-4 new people to get to know them better and see if it was worth investing in the friendship. I invited guys from my football teams, certain work colleagues, business school classmates that I didn't know well, and even some people I had met through WSO! Not everyone was a fit and got invited to subsequent dinners, but by the time I left London I probably had 15-20 people that I would consider friends.
- I am in a WhatsApp chat with a group that studied abroad at Booth back in 2014. Someone made a comment in 2021 about how they had just moved to London. I hadn't spoken to this person in 7 years and we were only acquittances at best, but I reached out to her to catch up. I introduced her to one of my other girlfriends and they hit it off. She became part of the group and we even did a trip to Spain together once COVID restrictions eased.
----
I could go on and on with probably a hundred examples of how I've made friends as an adult in new cities. You don't need to replicate my experiences above. Go pave your own way. Don't rely on the traditional "go out to the bar with your coworkers after work" in order to meet people. Put yourself out there. Go to events alone. Talk to strangers. You can make friends with similar interests in literally every single city, particularly a large city such as San Francisco. And believe it or not, I very much consider myself an introvert!
Thank you for the thoughtful response, I really appreciate it
I get what you mean about Richmond and Pittsburgh, both are great cities to have friends in though if you happen to. I have a lot of friends in Richmond in particular and love visiting there, lots of great breweries and fun bars, but it's definitely not "happening" like NYC or whatever. Glad you ended up having a great time in the end.
What were your go to bars in the burgh? How'd you like living there?
Nothing wrong with Pittsburgh and I really enjoyed my time there. It is obviously a lot smaller than the major cities across the US, but it also has a lot to offer. Plenty of good restaurants, plenty of good people, a very active sports environment, etc.
My friends and I used to go out on E Carson St. to a place called Villa which had a rooftop. Not sure if it still open. We also met up in Shadyside pretty regularly because a handful of people lived out there. I lived downtown so often times I’d just hang out at the restaurants / bars in Market Square. I just took a look and unsurprisingly, most all of the restaurants have turned over. Mind you I left in May 2013 so it has been some time…
Tell me you worked at HW without telling me you worked at HW.
Except I’m pretty open about the fact that I worked at Harris Williams… in fact, my entire professional history is viewable from a link in my bio =P
Am in SF, social scene is tough if you didn’t go to school out here, realistically we don’t have time for rec leagues but I’ve met folks through poker. If you play lmk
SF is a little hard to love. It’s great for outdoorsy people because of all the parks and hiking. Everything else like going out is just alright. It’s really tough to make friends outside of work post college. Try joining groups to do your hobbies with if you can.
Hahah was in the same boat and I couldn’t do it. Moved back to nyc
After how long?
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