A year and a half ago, I made what I thought was a bold career move. I left a job where I was a top performer. The compensation was solid, the hours were reasonable, but the upside felt limited. I wasn’t going to be allowed to take real risks, and I felt stuck. Wanting to push myself, I worked hard to land an FO offer at a mega-fund.
On paper, it was the dream: prestige, high stakes, billion-dollar deals. Fast forward 18 months, and while my first review was strong, I received no feedback for the next nine months. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, I was put on an informal Performance Improvement Plan, primarily driven by missing a deadline on a proposal the client wasn’t even interested in and sending another proposal the following morning instead of the prior evening—while I was on vacation.
While those were some of the official reasons, I recognize that part of the feedback is fair. I’ve realized I need to improve in areas like double-checking my work and ensuring everything makes logical sense before submitting it. That said, the process has still left me confused and stuck. Three months after receiving the feedback, I was told I’ve improved greatly, but instead of relief, I’m left questioning my fit in this environment. Nothing ever seems good enough here. I’ve gone from being a top performer in my old job to feeling like I’m barely scraping by. It’s been a humbling and painful wake-up call: the grass isn’t always greener.
Everyone in my cohort got promoted—except me. I left a secure, high-paying role for what I thought would be a step up. Instead, I’ve found myself in a relentless, soul-sucking environment surrounded by people with no lives outside of work. Sure, I’ve closed over $4 billion in deals this year—great for the resume—but I’ve realized I don’t love the work or the industry.
This was an expensive mistake, I left a lot of money on the table and took a step back in my career - but it’s taught me a lot. To anyone thinking about making a leap because you think the grass is greener: be careful. Know what you’re chasing and why. Sometimes, the cost of learning that lesson is far higher than you ever expected.
I'm sorry to hear. Could I ask what type of strategy you were in at the MF? PE / RE/ etc? Hope you'll find your feet again.
I'm still there. I don't want to go into too many details on specifics but it's a direct investing role.
What clients are you sending proposals to in a direct investing role?
I worked in Ops at a well-known Megafund and I watched the place just absolutely chew up people with the most incredible finance backgrounds. Didn't matter. It's a continuous tight-rope and they're constantly culling their employees. One mistake will brand you a fuck-up and while it may not get you fired outright, you will essentially be 'stalled' until they deem you fit for further advancement.
I noticed how bad it was when Associates would e-mail requests. I worked relatively normal hours (I was gone by 8 most days), and if they didn't receive an immediate response to a late night e-mail, the tone of their follow-up emails would be a lot more aggressive. These people were intense. I didn't appreciate how much pressure they were under until it dawned on me that they were fighting for their jobs and the right to remain there. PE markets itself or has the reputation as being a lifestyle improvement over IB, but the devil's in the details. There's no time to learn, partners only view you as an unneeded expense, and you're super disposable given the competition to break in. There's also a better than even chance that you'll report to some cheerful psychopaths - they will act friendly and welcoming while eviscerating you in your review. And then there are the politics.
If you've got a job you enjoy, where you feel respected and valued, are a top performer, AND are well-compensated? Best to stay put. You can use your personal life to "grow".
I'm all for taking (calculated) risks in life but I've also been in corporate long enough to know that the higher you go the more unreasonable the demands on you will be. Some people thrive in those circumstances, others get a rude awakening.
But OP, it sounds like you've at least learned to adapt. Treat it as a test, lay it all on the line this next go round, be vigilant and paranoid, and see what it gets you. Then decide your next steps from there.
This was shockingly accurate. Has me thinking of my follow up requests to the ops teams now. I didn't feel valued or respected and didn't feel like there was much growth in my role at my prior firm, but, I was comped and had a strong WLB. Hindsight is 20/20, but, I would've stayed at my job having known what I know now.
My goodness you just described my firm so perfectly 😭
"There's also a better than even chance that you'll report to some cheerful psychopaths - they will act friendly and welcoming while eviscerating you in your review." Omg this is so true. Having worked in PE Ops it is interesting to hear that it was not just my mid sized firm but an industry problem.
Odd language. Smells fake
Not sure why I'd fake this. Also, if you listen to any MFs, their credit desks are basically supplanting bank lev fin desks hence "client"
Can't you just fucking say Cap Markets team at a MF then? Your whole post reads weird, maybe your team clocked in you're a weirdo or something. Tf you mean "closed $4bn in deals"??
Thought the same thing.
This story resonated very much with me because I made a very simple mistake. In my case, I was added an international investment bank in Hong Kong inside of their Real Estate PE fund. I was also a top performer and had great reviews. However, I decide to make the leap into China to joina fund with whom I had interned, which was one of the top two private equity funds but as a Chinese, I was quickly taught just how useless I was in the environment, and my career is never recovered. The grass was definitely not greener.
Is it possible to DM you as a chinese hesitating in pursuing careers in different areas and sectors? It would be much appreciated!
I’m also currently in a similar situation as well - at a BB, politically well positioned, top bucket, good culture, and clear line to promotion, but want to pursue PE mainly for prestige reasons and “investor mindset”.
I assume from your post it would be foolish to pursue PE unless it is truly what I want to do (which I am not sure). Tbh am a bit lost so would be helpful to get your view as well if there are any additional views.
100% do PE. I started at an UMM shop 6 months ago.
I was also top bucket and well-regarded in my banking group but I’ve learned more in 6 months than in 3 years of IB.
Don’t get me wrong the toolkit banking equipped me with is the only reason I am able to do this job but from an intellectual standpoint this is a radically different job.
It might also be that I lucked out and my current team has people willing to teach and my hours are a significant improvement from banking but I would say that from a development perspective this has been very beneficial.
I don’t think I appreciated the gap between the two jobs until I started in PEZ
Also incredibly easy to go from PE to IB even if you burn/flail out (i.e., are pushed out or fired).
Words to live by brother.
There's actually studies done about students coming out of college, they compared Ivy League and top level universities to what can be called less prestigious one. What they found was, success wise, its better to come from being the top performer at a mid-level institute vs coming from the middle of the pack at a well know school. A lot of variables can factor it, but essentially, if you are at the top, almost doesn't matter where, you probably have more confidence/drive. So to adapt it, would you rather work at a smaller firm/less prestigious place but are the lead dog, or work at a bigger firm but essentially be spinning wheels.
On a personal level, I've been there. Doesn't mean don't try for something better, but at a certain point you have to ask yourself why are you trying to achieve. On the bright side, you have it a shot and figured out what you like/want to do, so its not a failure.
Maybe just go back to your old job?
My take on this is that there is really no lesson here - you wanted push yourself, you joined a place with a higher bar, less room for error, this pain, fear, and feelings of shortcomings are a natural part of the process of pushing yourself to the next level. Do not not cower to the pain, keep pushing
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