Toxic bosses in CRE

Sounds like my previous employer. “Idk if we can trust these numbers” = we don’t like the numbers and are screwed because we’re 2 years into a development deal that was originally U/W at 2020 pricing. Should do some sanity checks with other analyst/associates at your firm (if there are any) to see if they’ve gotten similar feedback, if so it’s a culture thing. If not, then it’s likely your work product or for some reason they have a bone to pick with you. Either way, both could be good enough reasons to run and find something better. That’s what I did and am in a much better situation now. In 2 weeks I’ve gotten more praise on my work product then I did in 2 years at my previous firm.

Life is too short to work with scumbags. I'd be looking for a new job if I were you

This person is an asshole. Find a new job. Life is too short. 

Not normal fuck em.

REguy1001

Has anyone here dealt with / is dealing with a toxic boss situation?

 

Some background about my situation. I'm an associate in my company's RE acquisition / development team. I've worked in a few different companies in the past and this is my first time where I don't get along with my boss (and the MD as well).

Im debating whether I should look for another job or if I'm the problem and I need to grow a thicker skin. I'm not sure if these behaviors are actually toxic or are commonplace in other work environments and I'm just being too sensitive.

 

Some examples:

Meeting with my MD to review my financial model, and my MD will question assumptions I've made. If he disagrees with any assumptions, he'll say things like "what were you thinking?" or "how could you not have considered factor XYZ?" Sometimes he'll ask a question and he'll just laugh in my face at my response. Not like a slight chuckle, but straight up like a condescending laughter.  I'm always open to receiving feedback and updating my work, but the way in which he gives comments feels hostile.

My manager called me out publicly (in meetings with 5-10 people) saying my work product was "garbage" and "unacceptable." I quickly apologized and said I'd reach out to him and send an updated file with what he's looking for. I then later looked at my work file again, along with what he initially requested me to do, and the file exactly matched the request. So I reached out to him to see what to update or where the miscommunication was, and I never got a response about it. Again, I'm okay with receiving feedback but not sure why it had to be in a public setting. 

 

I have also never once been thanked or been given any compliments about my work product, which really sucks when I put a lot of time into my models and deal with their integrations and at least being given some recognition every once in a while would go a long way in keeping me motivated. 

 

Sorry if this turned into a mini-rant, but I'm just trying to see if these sorts of behaviors are common in your workplace and if I just need to be less sensitive. It's starting to affect my motivation to work and I've also been feeling anxiety to go into meetings because I know I'll likely be criticized in a hostile way. At this point I'm surprised I haven't been fired but if I did get fired, I don't think I would even be that upset as it would help my mental state a lot. 

 

Any advice or thoughts would be super helpful. Thanks in advance! 

When I was more junior I had a couple bosses who treated me and my colleagues like this; too much of it and it messes with your head.

I’d strongly recommend looking externally for new roles. This behavior isn’t normal or acceptable and you shouldn’t be expected to tolerate it.

Definitely not normal behavior generally, nor fair or reasonable conduct in such a professional setting. Your instincts are 100% correct.

Not normal. Keep taking care of what you need to at the office, but start the search process as well. Update your resume and LinkedIn profile, flip the switch to show you're open to opportunities, and reach out to recruiters.

Sorry you're going through this. FWIW, you can take a bit of solace in the fact that the other associate/analysts get treated similarly. Obviously you're not taking pleasure in their misery, but it seems less likely that you're being singled out or underperforming. Do your best to keep your chin up; positive attitude helps when you have networking/recruiting calls and coffees.

Good luck.

No that seems ridiculous. I don’t get how people are that tactless, especially calling your work product in a 10 person meeting garbage. That’s bad leadership and on top of that, looks bad on the MD to your other peers in the meeting. That makes everyone uncomfortable. 

The MD's rudeness is bad but not unbearable. Indicative of a toxic environment but by itself it isn't enough to declare your team's culture toxic with a high degree of certainty.

On the other hand, your manager throwing you under the bus when your work product was beyond satisfactory is UNACCEPTABLE. As a leader, you are supposed to take accountability of your team's work product, and the buck stops with you. If you mistreat your juniors and throw them under the bus publicly, no one will ever want to work with you for good reason. Worse still, your work was error-free, indicating that your Manager is an idiot and a jerk. I would look to lateral if you can. 

Between the two of them, odds are things will not get better for you. Hopefully while looking to exit you can try and work with other people because between the pair of them, the MD and Manager sound unbearable. 

Best of luck to you OP

OP here. This was my first post in the forums although I have been reading / following other threads for a while now. I’m blown away by the positivity and support of everyone who took the time to respond to my thread! Thank you all so much, it really means a lot and is helpful during this difficult time for me. I’ll definitely keep you all updated on my search.

I’m glad to hear that this behavior is not commonplace and I’m not crazy. I feel a lot more positive and generally better about myself after reading all your replies. 

I sympathize with you as I’m currently dealing with a manager who only looks to point out the negatives in the things I do. Whereas when it comes to other team members, manager only points out positives and rarely speaks out on their negatives (if ever). It’s gotten to a point where I’m apathetic about feedback coming from said manager and currently looking for external opportunities. 

I always marvel at how the management level in my firm (large/ vertically integrated) is populated by people with subpar people skills. It’s almost like being socially maladjusted is a requirement to be a supervisor. 

I've been in a similar situation for 3 straight years and I completely empathise with you.

As mentioned above: try to get out as soon as you can. I stayed far too long at that place and it really affected me psychologically. Even though I had the support of some co-workers it really took a toll over the years. Moving to another shop really improved my mental well-being as well as my relationships with friends and family.

Too bad you cannot disclose who they are so we could all avoid that shit place in the future.

Ignore title, i'm a AS+3. I'm going through almost the same but different industry. Spoken with a few others who i can trust and they all say its stress from upper management. I was a bit surprised at first as this was not how the behaviour was 1 yr ago but now i just roll my eyes with a here we go again attitude. I'm definitely leaving but this market is in the dumps.

Agree with all the posts above. I guess this will come to an end soon once things get clear. I just keep my head down and crank up quality work as humanly capable as possible.

Leave. You’re an at will employee. If you don’t get along with your bosses - what’s the point. Go find a place that’s a good fit. It’s going to much easier to come into work each day and move up in the company via promotions. Even if the feedback is warranted, It doesn’t sound like it is being provided productively. Lastly, they seems like assholes. 
 

It also seems you’ve been at multiple companies. If you’ve never received feedback like this before, it seems it’s more them than you. Just another reason to leave. 

As everyone else said, life is too short. Don't quit until you find another job though, the job market right now is a bit dry. But I'm certain you'll land something. If people ask why you left, just say they weren't busy and you want to take on more responsibility. Sadly people find it concerning when you say you left because they were bad people, although thats the reality.

Simple response. Leave after securing another offer. You can’t fix 40 year olds.

Real estate companies usually expand based on geographic regions, and growth is entrepreneurial in nature.  

MD’s and senior execs get into their positions in these situations because of capital relationships and/or acquisitions ability to grow the franchise.  
 

They may not be great managers of people.  They can learn to be.  Or naturally they don’t have the temperament or personality. 
 

This dynamic is something to look out for.  Not to say working for a company with that description is not for you, it’s just that this might not come to mind and you are enthralled by the brand name, billions under management, etc etc.  

If you are in the situation already, and it is affecting your mental health, life is too short and you should seek another job. 

It’s not always easy to recognize the level of toxic behavior, in the moment. And looking back afterwards can give a lot of clarity, where you are asking yourself what was no ever thinking.

Hi I am the OP. I just wanted to provide an update here in case anyone stumbled on this thread and was wondering what happened. 
 

I recently accepted a job offer with a different company. The culture is amazing and my boss is awesome to work for. He genuinely appreciates the work I do and is quick to praise me and others (often publicly). It creates a positive work environment where people feel appreciated and happy. 

In my previous toxic work environment I was thrown under the bus for anything that went wrong and was never given appreciation or praise for my work. When I initially started working there, I believed in my abilities. But as time passed I would often start to feel self doubt and hated going into work. Over time, it started to affect my life outside of work as well. I would get anxiety and dread Sunday nights as I knew I had to go into a full work week of being scolded and interrogated. 
 

For anyone else that is currently in a toxic work environment, I would personally very strongly recommend to look elsewhere as soon as you can. There are great teams out there where you can get good work experience while not working for a narcissist. 
 

Thanks to all of you who gave me encouragement and reassurance when I was stuck in the dark work environment. I know we are all internet strangers but it really helped me a lot during that time! Best of luck to each of you in your career journeys!