Was told by manager to stop kissing ass

I’m literally crying right now. I was talking to a fellow analyst and complemented her on doing a good job recently and for helping me out. A director comes over and says if I want to sleep with her I’m going about it the wrong way. He then begins tearing into me about having a “brown nose” this tirade goes on for 10 minutes. He brings up how I’m always being overly nice to management and just come across as a kiss ass turbovirgin (literal words). I am a virgin. I look over and the other analyst was laughing when she saw me she just said sorry but kept laughing, the whole office was laughing. I literally ran out of there as fast as I could. I don’t know what to do. I’ve literally been crying all day.

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Sounds like it could have been a situation where you could have laughed it off. Why didn’t you just laugh it off? 

 

Laugh it off? How could I laugh it off!? This man sent me into the shadow realm in front of the whole office. He embarrassed me in front of the girl I sort of had a thing for. He was the only person besides me who wasn’t laughing. He’s known for being harsh but this was another level. He was berating me, calling me a kiss ass, a virgin, a soy boy who donates to to streamers so they notice me. I just stood there and took it. Last time this happened it was in a bar and this girl I approached did it to me. Her friend even recorded it while she was clowning me. That’s another story though.

 
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I mean you definitely do sound like a kiss ass, virgin, soy boy who donates to streamers to get noticed. And the fact that the entire office laughed showed that everyone agrees. You gotta change up your personality/way of thinking. The fact that you keep stressing the point about you being a virgin just paints a neckbeard incel in my mind. Stop being cringe bro.

 

I genuinely hope you made this up because it's a pretty tough situation to be in. Is this an internship or a full-time role?  If it's an internship I might suck it up but if it's full time I'd look to lateral ASAP.

 

I’ve always had issues with my confidence, one time I let my friend ask this girl out for me but he asked her out for himself. Always let people take advantage of me so my defense is to be nice (maybe too nice) and self-deprecating. I sob as I type because all I ever wanted to be is a good and decent analyst.

 

It’s not. I literally start sobbing when I think about it and the way she laughed.

 

I hope this is a joke. You’re in the wrong industry if you can’t take some shit talking to your face

 
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As a French, I can confirm it's not common to kiss ass and it might make you lose your coworkers' respect! Man he should have laughed it off tbh, a nice savvy response goes a long way ...

 
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Anonymous Monkey

I'm literally crying right now. I was talking to a fellow analyst and complemented her on doing a good job recently and for helping me out. A director comes over and says if I want to sleep with her I'm going about it the wrong way. He then begins tearing into me about having a "brown nose" this tirade goes on for 10 minutes. He brings up how I'm always being overly nice to management and just come across as a kiss ass turbovirgin (literal words). I am a virgin. I look over and the other analyst was laughing when she saw me she just said sorry but kept laughing, the whole office was laughing. I literally ran out of there as fast as I could. I don't know what to do. I've literally been crying all day.

Cool story. Never happened.

 
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Btw this sounds like a total troll, but if anyone is trying to cut you down by joking something about you and you are not in the mood to laugh (or they crossed the line), you can do two things that are very effective:

1. Just give a small laugh and ask him "Is this making you feel better?" and keep laughing at him. If he says yes, then say "Good for you little man" and just go back to work. This might not work in a corporate setting but works well in a social setting.

2. Be super sarcastic and say "man your jokes are SO SO funny, I would never in my life would have thought of that". Any high EQ person will realize you are sarcastic and if the joking person does not realize this and continues the joke, he is digging his own hole.

Another way is to totally disengage - jokes are funny because the reaction of the receiver, not really because of the actual joke. The more you respond to a situation, the more engaged the audiences are. A more mature way to react is to laugh a bit and go back to work like nothing ever happened. 

 

Nothing has to be anything. Think about that.

I was let go for not showing up and am currently looking for work but to no avail. My now former manager and coworkers keep telling everyone what happened and it’s been really hard to see it on social media and just people knowing me for that incident. I’m running out of money, I have no family and my friends are not really friends. Summer is coming soon but it’s getting cold out here.

 

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