16 Comments
 

Hi, I have read several articles there. The only thing I guess Im defying would be the objective... Is there anything else glaring ? Thanks!

 

Take the descriptions of your previous employer's out.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into SWANSONS.
 

Hey Flake, Thanks for the input. All the company descripts are one line except for the company I started . Which I kind of want to show off in a sense. I think that what makes me unique the fact that I have a company that has contracts from publicly traded companies. Are the rest of the accomplishments as relevant as my company?

 

How old are you?

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into SWANSONS.
 

Who reported directly to you when you were 16?

Cut this down to one page one way or the other, or this will be an auto ding for sure. Follow a traditional format like M&I or some other clean template. This just looks messy.

Take the objective out. Take the descriptions out. If you want to talk about your own company and your accomplishments there, do it through bullet points. Take out all of your experience prior to college.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into SWANSONS.
 

Hey Flake,12 mangers , I have used my age as an asset rather than a detriment and have achieved a nice measure of success. I understand your messy comment and appreciate the criticism. I guess I got my answer about the objective. Thanks For your critique

 

IB2001,

Why do you say that. With a killer cover letter and personal introductions I think it has at least 30 seconds before its thrown out.

 

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