Roast my revised cold email (from 0/26 target school guy)
I wrote a revised cold email based on people telling me mine was too long which led me to no responses from 26 emails despite going to a target and only emailing alumni. What do you think about my revised version? Is it short enough? Is it personal enough? I’m kinda not sure how to make an email personalized enough in 3-4 sentences.
Dear (name),
My name is (Name), and I am a sophomore at Georgetown studying Government and Economics.
Through speaking with alumni and interning for Morgan Stanley, I became interested in investment banking, particularly M&A.
I would love to have a 10-15 minute call with you to further learn about the industry and your experience at [insert bank]. For additional context, I’ve attached my resume.
Best regards,
(Name)
I’m deleting and permanently blocking any email asking me to grab a “virtual coffee.”
Thanks for the advice— I changed it. Is the email otherwise ok? Is it personalized and short enough? Thanks
Bump
One thing I always did was add my availability for the next week (day by day windows of time, really any time I was not in class) at the end of the email. This meant that it took only one response to get a call pinned down. Kept the process as efficient as possible and I usually got a way higher response rate on these emails. Just a thought.
Thanks so much— will do. Otherwise is it good? Is it personal and short enough? Thanks
Yeah it is solid. Usually I would add a little more to my personal intro if I knew I had something unique in common with the person I was emailing, such as playing the same sport, same high school, or something of that nature. But other than that brevity is best.
Great, thanks so much.
This is theoretically the better thing to do, but some bankers, particularly the more senior ones, will take offence to this as it suggests that you want them to work around your schedule. Instead, I'd generally ask if they're available on X or Y day in the (morning/afternoon).
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