Saleswoman hitting on me
I'm a Junior trader who has done pretty well since onboarding. Took over a seat on the desk and manage my own P/L in fixed income. One of our saleswomen is 25+yrs my senior and not exactly that attractive. She hits on me, gets too close to me, and has made numerous unnecessary scandalous comments towards me. I'm a straight male and ex-athlete so it's not often that chicks make me feel uncomfortable (ik, cringe comment, whatever) I'm not into her and wont bang her - how do I get that point across without pissing her off, or more importantly, upsetting senior management who have known her for a very long time? I'm to the point where HR has entered my mind but I don't want to get her fired or risk my spot on the desk by bitching and moaning to HR.
Ideas?
Definitely a tricky situation but as a wise man once said: “HR is not your friend. HR is there to protect the company.” Would only go that route as an ABSOLUTE last resort. A more reasonable, albeit slightly controversial trick that every girl has pulled once or twice in her life:
Do you have a girlfriend?
You do now. Talk about times you’ve recently gone out with friends, been on Tinder dates, etc. but casually toss in that your “girlfriend” was with you.
Only caution would be having it spread around the firm, but even that’s not the end of the world. Just don’t dig yourself in too deep and deflect if she/others pry.
Will this guarantee that this lady immediately stops invading your bubble, probably not. But if she has any decency she’ll respect relationship boundaries. This also gives you an out if she actually corners you and/or seriously pressures you. Lying is bad, yes, but there’s not a ton of other options on the table imo. Maybe someone else has another idea or been in a similar situation. I wouldn’t feel too bad, either, this diffuses the situation for both parties and, as I said, girls pull this all the time because it works.
Lastly, people naturally lose interest over time. Doesnt mean it’ll go away completely but if you flirt with someone for 3 straight months very obviously and they never reciprocate, you will probably take a hint. I feel shitty typing this because if it was a girl in this scenario people would be furious but: you can try to wait it out.
Full post is a helpful read -thanks. This line in particular stuck out. Didn't even think about it this way. I'm not going to whine about an old lady wanting my dick, but if the genders were reversed here...... oh man.
good advice above.
would also play the "aww geewillickers" innocent card with her whenever she flirts. eventually she will lose interest
haha this is literally Industry S2
haven't finished it, have like 4 more episodes to go!
Exactly what I thought of
Just hit it bro. Take one for your MD
You should be able to set her straight with your tone of response. Biggest part of developing the relationships within your career is the ability to manage your boundaries with others. Lean into your manhood and just be confident in your nonverbal communications with her when she flirts. It’s a delicate balance that takes time and experience to perfect but this is what you should be striving to develop.
Bang her once but perform terribly and last only a few minutes. She’ll never bother you again.
Haha, that's funny. I've been there. It's one of those things that doesn't seem so tricky once you get a little more experienced. Here's the ticket. Try to think about how she is feeling and what is motivating her to do what she's doing. You don't want to hurt someone's feelings, especially someone you work with who might be very good at selling what you trade. When there's an appropriate moment, and she has approached you, you can say, "hey thanks for all your help. We've never really had a proper introduction, will you join me in the break room for a quick coffee? I'd like to ask you some questions." And then you go in there and make her tell you about why she got into sales or whatever, and then you tell her what you want out of this job in a way that makes her see you're a serious person who is in control of himself, knows what he wants, and will not be tempted by such silliness. Then you discuss your book, and how it lines up her client base, and perhaps some ideas to follow up on. And you say thanks, I'm glad we finally had a chance to connect, and I'll try to source some xyz for your customer. She'll feel happy that she was treated with respect, and she'll understand the type of relationship you want to have with her.
There's several other ways you can handle it too. For example, you could just flirt mercilessly with her, but never do anything. For all you know that's what she's doing. It happens all the time. ie she makes a "scandalous" remark and you one up it, and it becomes like a weird thing you have that makes it more fun to work together and cuts through the dreariness of having the same conversations for 3 decades. There are some advantages to doing this type of thing, but I don't think you're ready for that yet.
However you handle it, my advice is, try to be a nice person, it matters more than you think.
I’m the poster who suggested pretending you have a girlfriend. Would say the first paragraph in this comment is most likely a better strategy if you’re not comfortable with telling a white lie
Lol bro just ignore her, no big deal.
Congrats on managing your own P/L, that's sick
Saleswomen? Would love to hear how someone in sales can transition to a position like hers. How much does she make?
Bang her really good, get her hooked. Then hint for a raise. Don't hate the player hate the game.
I think I like this option the best... Don't hate the player hate the game is possibly my favorite saying. Will update
Go for it mate - let us know how it goes
I’d find an MD who’s chill that you actually trust and toss out an off the cuff “hey so and so seems really friendly, is that normal?” or just say someone on the floor etc if you don’t fully trust the MD to keep it to themself. I’m sure everyone who has been working for a few years has heard some CRAZY stories about 2000’s sales life about people who are even still at the firm, which only means there are wayyyy more you probably haven’t heard and reputations you may not know…
The MD may just say don’t worry bro happens all time just ignore it for another month or two and itlll stop, or give you a good way to maintain the relationship while being firm, or tell you to be a legend and let it rip… (doubt it based on your question). Remember she has been there a lot longer and you may be one of many this has happened to.
Pretty wild how quick stuff like this travels around the office too, especially sales floors. If you’re in a traditional trading desk set up, no way people haven’t noticed. My last MD could spot an innocent flirt from a quarter mile with his back turned.
just drop the hint that you are not straight
Take one for the team
Sit voluptatem sint asperiores eos dolorem eum. Blanditiis voluptas aperiam veniam tenetur harum aut. Culpa cumque perspiciatis ratione tempore et porro placeat.
Dolores sunt harum dolor maiores fugiat accusantium quo. Sequi doloremque eveniet dolorem amet id necessitatibus. Nostrum ut minus minus qui veniam ipsum. Qui autem itaque voluptatem aut sequi repellat sequi sit. Maxime eveniet atque magnam consequuntur et. Et tempora quia dicta consequuntur unde quia. Non voluptatem laboriosam qui impedit sed.
Officiis non excepturi repellat non esse. Voluptatibus velit earum aut occaecati illum et quas. Et non saepe laboriosam voluptatem consectetur et non. Qui rerum est reprehenderit est.
Autem autem quis aliquam qui qui. Est recusandae placeat ut repellendus. Amet nemo ducimus consequatur eos quasi porro est mollitia. Aspernatur est deserunt repellat dolorem veritatis sapiente. Dolorem ad debitis reprehenderit et consectetur.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Inventore commodi voluptas architecto velit. Molestiae consectetur minima ullam enim repellat est.
Dolor voluptatem optio qui ut ut corporis. Rerum sunt facere et culpa est et in. Est dolorum dolor magnam accusamus est. Assumenda exercitationem vero sit ducimus. Sit et itaque consectetur vel aliquid natus. Cumque et reiciendis culpa vel cumque. Similique ab est nisi quam veritatis laudantium.
Facere dolor tempore eligendi velit molestias suscipit. Sed hic rerum veniam vero aliquid dolore suscipit nobis. Quisquam expedita aut optio et quo. Eveniet a molestias blanditiis dignissimos omnis.
Inventore nemo ut quia. Perferendis sed vero nihil doloremque. Omnis velit odit rem a.