Pathetic Startup Releases Investor/Consumer Pitch
Before you judge the wording in the title, I beg you to watch this video:
Nothing has made me bury my head in my arms more than this video did.
Here's the point by point takedown TechCrunch provided:
So here’s a step-by-step for what not to do in your startup video:Don’t tell us that your app is going to be viral before it’s even friggin’ released. [0:11]
Don’t expect the press to cover your stupid app before it’s even friggin’ been released. Except for maybe in posts parodying it. [0:15]
Don’t assume your friends and family members will be talking about it. Likewise, don’t assume strangers will be coming up to you on the friggin’ street to talk about it. [0:20]
Don’t say your stupid app is going to change the way we communicate, or call it “The biggest breakthrough since email.” [0:26]
Don’t promise that your app will change how commerce, either online or offline, is happening. Definitely not both. [0:30]
Don’t promise (again) that your stupid app is going to go viral. Don’t compare its growth to Facebook, or Twitter. [0:36]
Don’t pretend to know how people were talking to Mark Zuckerberg in the cafeteria at Harvard. Or, uh, how he would respond. [0:50]
Please don’t bring Adam D’Angelo into this. Also, if you must, don’t say he looks 13 years old. [1:02]
Don’t try to impress me with Adam D’Angelo’s net worth. Wait, why are we talking about Adam D’Angelo again? [1:18]
Don’t make your stupid app sound like some sort of exclusive club with an “inner circle” and talk about how lucky we were to be invited and shit. [1:27]
VELVET ROPE? NO. [1:33]
INNER CIRCLE? FUCK NO! [1:35]
INVITE FIVE “LEADERS”? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?! [1:40]
Don’t say that there’s just a brief window for me to join! But please, god, if there is, let’s hope this abominable window closes soon because this startup sucks. [1:45]
Don’t pretend you have trade secrets. Trade secrets? [1:48]
Don’t refer to an “NDA” when you really mean, “Personal information-collecting form for use in our B.S. marketing.” Also, uh, who signs an NDA on YouTube? [1:58]
Or, just don’t partake in general douchebaggery — which pretty much describes this entire video.
Pyramid Scheme, anyone?
Good summary. Too many people are trying to make money in startups, most are incompetent, most ideas aren't new, and lots of people love the hand-constantly-drawing-a-cartoon-to-make-it-look-hip-and-sophisticated tactic. Yeah I want to puke.
I hate that cartooning tactic. So overused.
When I see the cartoon thing, I think "Used Car Dealer Turned (quote)Entrepreneur(unquote)".
wait...so what does this app do again?
NDA! I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you.
That's the kicker, they tried to get everyone who watched the video to sign an NDA so they can "disclose" to you information all about their "viral app".
It's bad, but I guarantee that they will now get media coverage once their app launches.
If there's no such thing as bad publicity, then they just hit a home run.
What if that was the plan all along??! Nah they're not that smart.
gay
You know the video is shit when they disable the rating and comment systems.
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