Approach to Relationships & Dating

Just tossing some thoughts around - seems to me that as a guy, I've always had the impression that men are not as naturally monogamous as women, and that you'd find your life much more enjoyable if you're sleeping with a ton of attractive women (eg. Dan Bilzerian type lifestyle). I've definitely had my share of crazy stories and whatnot, but it seems to me that there might be greater long term, lasting happiness if you're in a steady relationship. I've been in a couple, and find that I look back more fondly on those times, though perhaps I became a little too complacent in those situations (eg. not lifting enough.) What are your thoughts on being monogamous vs fucking around a ton?

Seems to me that nearly every hot girl has the same mentality of having fun / sleeping around in their late teens and early 20s, and try to settle down by their late 20s when they know their looks are declining. Glad guys peak a little later because of the emphasis on our careers, but wanted to hear the community's thoughts on being monogamous vs. being in a serious relationship when it comes to long-term fulfillment / happiness, and how favorably you'd look back in your time.

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Comments (44)

Most Helpful
Apr 23, 2020 - 4:11pm

Jesus
It's not that difficult

  • It's been said 10000000 times on here but looks are a depreciating asset. Pick someone with a brain and a heart who you also find attractive enough (and prioritize face if you can). If you pick someone who is so hot that your brain melts but is also a fucking loser, you're being an idiot. Life only gets more tedious and the stakes get higher as you grow old, so pick someone who stimulates your mind, not just your peepee

  • Don't look to fucking Dan Balzerian or other one-off deadbeats for relationship cues. Look at respectable people that you and a whole lot of other people admire (Obama, Gates, Blankfein/Dimon/Dalio/even Ackman) and you'll see that their spouses are/were respectable in their own rights. Imagine taking a hot retard to a business dinner where all the other wives are well-spoken and educated. If you're the retard now, find yourself a genius you really become the company you keep

  • Imagine that you owned a company and were allowed only 1 employee upon whom you could rely for support, guidance, a thoughtful ear. Would you hire her?

Swear to god this place is filled with high schoolers

Apr 23, 2020 - 4:17pm

On the other side, you've got Russian/ex-Soviet oligarchs with wifes who are in early 20s and stupid AF. Depends on what is valued in your culture - looks or brain. You can get two of those qualities as well, but this is rather rare because we aren't all 10/10 here. My advise, get someone who can cook and make decent jokes - this will go a very long way, but never someone who's cooking is a joke... Did I mention earlier that I love pancakes?

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Apr 24, 2020 - 2:55pm

Iono man, some of them looks don't get that accelerated depreciation and the salvage value is pretty solid

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Apr 24, 2020 - 11:16am

Had my fun when I was late teens early 20s, but have been trending towards settling down for a couple years now. Have realized that with my personality, it's easier to keep one woman happy than keeping a rolodex of hookups and having a stable relationship allows me to focus on things other than chasing down girls or hitting the bars.

Apr 24, 2020 - 1:34pm

Monagamy isn't natural. Animals aren't monogamous. I heard someone explain how it began in humans, and basically the kings were getting all the women and that was pissing off the other dudes so the church stepped in and started preaching monogamy to keep everyone happy.

Guys play the field until society, goals or their growing inability to get laid tells them that they can't play the field anymore. Which is totally fine. As they say to retiring MLB players, we all give up the kid's game at some point.

But then some of these guys, after hanging it up, start growing tits. Figuratively, if not literally. They start talking like feminists, telling you Dan Bilzerian is a pig, and you should be more "classy" and want a woman with brains because of XYZ excuse ("you have to bring her to dinner with your boss") or they say things like hooking up is too much work etc.

OP, its your life. Don't settle just to make some other dudes feel better.

Apr 25, 2020 - 2:53pm

Just being honest with OP. Unlike you, with your angry rant earlier. Most guys are secure enough to admit they'd live like Dan Bilzerian if they could. But some can't admit they're settling for less so they say bullshit like "don't go after looks, its a depreciating asset" and other weak crap we've all heard before.

  • Financial Advisor in Risk Mnmgt
Apr 24, 2020 - 9:35pm

The concept that women are more monogamous then men is extremely flawed.

Humans are not monogamous.

Men's mating selection depicts a polyamorous approach. ( Which plays under a man's desire to have a variety of women.)

Women's mating selection is hypergamous. ( Prioritizing a more wealthy or social status approach. )

Anything else in between - is merely social conditioning/societal programming, family background/culture, and personal development.

  • Financial Advisor in Risk Mnmgt
Apr 25, 2020 - 5:09pm

Less of my explanation, more of your misinterpretation.

Monogamy is "the state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner."

Statistically, women cheat as much as men do.

https://www.yourtango.com/201172881/women-more-likely-cheat-men-heres-w…

https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a30459155/why-women…

Women aren't naturally wired to only have sex with one man, it's the many social constructs in place (slut-shaming/damaged goods, bastard children, lack of men with resources) influencing women to proceed with more sexual precaution, than men.

In fact, if you break down pop-culture terms like "hoe phase" or "hoe is life" ... data will show women are merely punished for acting within their true sexual nature, as this behavior is still considered a taboo, in turn, instilling a phenomenal sense of shame.

Lastly, don't be silly.

It's poor to assume hypergamy, is synonymous to monogamy.

Women who practice hypergamous mating, date multiple suitors at one time, rather than exclusively committing. She could literally have sex with all of these suitors, then proceed to marrying the one with the most money/status.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Apr 25, 2020 - 5:21pm

I don't see why you would ever settle down as a man when your worth continues to improve as you age. Even looks don't decline significantly as male appearance isn't as closely tied to youth. If you can stay fit and keep your hair, NYC is a playground for rich 30-40 year olds.

  • Financial Advisor in Risk Mnmgt
Apr 25, 2020 - 7:34pm

In what rule book is this statistically written?

The amount of times I've seen this adopted theory circulating this forum, amazes me.

Not only do middle aged men have the highest suicide rate, in America. Staying fit, keeping up your appearance, and being financially successful doesn't negate the fact that you'll be paying young women for experiences.

Ain't nobody hooking up with old men for free, why is this part of the equation always left out?

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Apr 25, 2020 - 8:14pm

So if they were hooking up with older guys then it would be worth it?

Secondly I said 30s/40s not 60s. A 35 year old director in banking who stays fit can easily pull early 20s chicks. We have a bunch of single directors who date around with girls in the 20-30 age range.

So the optimal move is single till 40 then marry 10+ years younger before you lose your edge

Apr 29, 2020 - 4:18pm

I'm guessing you believe this chart to be true. I am a happily married man and my "access" is technically at a 10 according to this chart, so you may ask how I'm happy or think I have no options. I used to think the way you do, never wanting to get married, playing the field, never settling down, etc.

the friends I have who have taken this path are nowhere near as happy as I am. they have as much sex as I do, have a higher body count, but have way more stress (having to line up dates all the time, dealing with girls who get too clingy, etc.). so yeah, if your choices are to sleep around or be in a bad marriage, yeah, be a player. but I'd suggest that you just haven't found the right person.

and if you think that we're naturally designed to be polyamorous, it's against our biology to be married, bullshit. our biology was designed to keep us in small communes in villages, not in big cities stacked like sardines editing pitchbooks nobody's going to read, so quit with the primal instinct bullshit.

be a player all you want, but don't say it's the best way to live, that's just incorrect.

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