10/16/14

Mod Note (Andy): Throwback Thursday - this post originally went up March 2008

"Go all the way down to the beginning"

From: ****, *****
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 4:12 PM
To: ****, ***
Subject: RE: Help
This is how I would respond

Dear ***

When is KPMG going paperless? I don't know but I hope soon. Earlier this year I was flipping through some work papers and I got a nasty paper cut. The cut caused me to bleed all over the general ledger. We didn't get it electronically because unbeknownst to KPMG, typewriters don't receive electronic mail messages, so I had to ask the client for another one. Well let me tell you, the client was so angry at the request, not to mention the bloodshed, that he went to his boss, who went to the CFO, who went to the audit committee, and they dropped us as auditors mad fast. When this happened the partner was so angry that we lost the client he made me work for 27 days straight. I didn't mind these hours because this was half of the hours I was working during busy season and the people I was working with were great, when they weren't yelling at me, and fun to be around, in-between the games of who can hit me in the eye with a paperclip the most times in a minute. And flexibility; are you kidding? The team was totally flexible on when I could take my one personal phone call and two bathroom breaks. They would even let me combine two of them for an extra long break. You would be surprised at how much you could get done in 10 minutes. KPMG has great Mothers-in the workplace program. In fact it's so great that even though I'm a guy I wish I could be a part of it. And whoever told you that 1-5 years is "as long as they want" was totally mistaken. I heard of this one girl who worked at KPMG and she had kids when she was 25 and didn't return until she was 55. KPMG was so excited to have her back after missing her for 30 years that they immediately promoted her to partner. Also I don't know where you heard that KPMG was the bottom of the big four, but remember if you start from the bottom the only way you can go is up! In closing, I might not have answered all of your questions but with the information I have provided I am confident you will make the right decision.

Can't wait to work with you!

size=2 width="100%" align=center tabIndex=-1>

From: ***
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 2:59 PM
To: *****
Subject: FW: Help
Read from the bottom up. It's hilarious.

From: ****
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 1:53 PM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help

** | Audit Associate
KPMG LLP |303 E. Wacker Dr. Chicago, IL 60601
Office: 312.665.5219 | Mobile: 502.727.3405 | Fax: 312.277.3896

From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 2:23 PM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
Read from the bottom up!
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 12:46 PM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
Seriously, this is too ridiculous NOT to pass on.....p.s. send this to Trey cuz I lost his email....

From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:45 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
I am embarrassed to say I went to school with this girl......

From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:34 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
Read from bottom up

*

From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:27 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
I'm sure you've already seen this. If not read on.............

From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:17 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help

From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:10 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
You may have already seen this but it's hilarious.
Start from the very bottom of the email.

*
KPMG LLP
Senior Associate
*

From:*
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 10:29 AM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
*
Senior Associate - Audit and Risk Advisory Service
KPMG LLP
*

From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 9:30 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
See what Dean said.
*
ph - (214) 840-4273
fax - (214) 594-7282

From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 9:21 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
For your amusement. Start at the bottom.

*

From: W*
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 5:45 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help

*
I volunteer Nick to infiltrate D&T for recruiting because he looks 12. Also, once he finds out who is trash-talking us, he could easily 'eliminate' the problem.
p.s. The best question is: 4. Do you feel like KPMG's lack of technology is slowing down your development and progress in your career? My response: Absolutely. The use of morse-code telephones, word processors and telegraphs is a hinderance to my auditing ability. My developement has suffered too - I cannot speak in full sentences, have forgotten my colors, and can no longer put shapes into their apporpriate slots. My career has suffered as well. After looking around for another job, I am only eligible for jobs at Taco Bell and McDonald's because they have an automated beeper when to take the fries out. I don't know how to use this thing called a telephone, and is there a little man living inside, what people refer to as, a "computer"?

*

Senior Associate

KPMG LLP
*

From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 3:51 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
That is pretty hilarious. Every 3rd business day. Tell her we also run a plow from the back of a mule and shit in an outhouse when nature calls. See if she has 40 questions about that.
I feel sorry for the company she works for because she sounds like she would be making up excuses for needing to leave early from Day 1 of her career and also what kind of bullcrap is Deloitte telling people?
Seriously.
Maybe I could go through recruiting again and go through D&T to see what all is being said over there. Tape record it or something.
*
Senior Associate
KPMG LLP
Fax: *
*

From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 3:08 PM
To: *Subject: RE: Help
I am crying over your response

From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 3:01 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Recruiting should reply in 3 days, saying that they are sorry for the delayed response - the electricity in the building only works every third business day,otherwise, we work by candle using a quill.

*
Senior Associate

KPMG LLP
*

From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:39 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Agreed...we don't want her

From:*
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:36 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Obviously, I didn't respond, but seriously - does she think we use abacuses and take The Flintstone's car to work? Going paper-less...she's an idiot - she should work for DT.

Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:24 PM
To:
Subject: RE: Help
Don't you dare...
Recruiting has put formal response together and sent them to her
I just think if she is high maintenance, then we don't want her anyways

From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:19 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Don't worry, Nick, I am responding appropriately as we speak.

*
Senior Associate

KPMG LLP
phone: *

From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:16 PM
To: *

Subject: RE: Help
I want to help find out who told her all of that bullsh*t...

From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:09 PM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
A recruit wanted to ask someone questions about being in the Dallas office...she is having a hard time deciding between D&T and KPMG...see her questions below

From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 1:02 PM
To: *
Subject: Help
See Below

From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 11:49 AM
To: *
Subject: KPMG Questions

*,

Thank you for letting me e-mail you. Staci has been very helpful with my questions about KPMG, but I was wanting an opinion from someone currently working for the firm. I am having a hard time deciding on who to go to work for in Dallas. I am getting a lot of fluff answers from recruiters. Is it okay if you give me the true scoop on how it is working for unnessary? The following are very important questions to me:

  1. What is KPMG's policy on flex-time/part-time? When would I qualify?
  2. Does KPMG have a Woman's Initiative Program/Working Mothers Program? Deloitte has a program in place that allows women to leave the workforce for as long as they want (1-5 years) and still be able to hold their position within the firm. When they come back, they can decide if they want to work part-time or flex-time and progress within the firm that way. Deloitte would sometimes even let you work at home. Does KPMG have the same fort of program?
  3. When is KPMG going to go entirely paper-less?
  4. Do you feel like KPMG's lack of technology is slowing down your development and progress in your career?
  5. I have heard that KPMG is at the bottom of the Big 4 and might be fading away after the controversy a couple of years back. I have also heard that KPMG is losing their clients like mad due to excessive and unnecessary fees from lack of technology among other things. What are your thoughts on these comment?
  6. What did you like most about working in the KPMG Dallas office? The people? The hours?
  7. Could you tell me again about how many hours a week you worked during busy season?
  8. How many hours a week you worked the rest of the year at KPMG?
  9. What is KPMG's employee turnover rate?

Thanks!

*

Comments (75)

3/10/08

hilarious, what an idiot.

Investment Banking Interview Course
3/12/08

Her letter was poorly phrased and guaranteed to elicit a negative response.
However, she did have a very valid point.
These days, KPMG's reputation is a bit stinky.

3/10/08

So that made its way to a dozen different offices of 3 of the biggest accounting firms in several different states across 2 countries. Ya can't not feel a bit bad for her. What ever happened to changing the names to protect the innocent (guilty?).

3/10/08

Haha,
That is awesome!

3/10/08

D&T, PwC, KPMG and E&Y

What a moron....

3/10/08

wow this went dallas, san fran, nyc, toronto, KPMG, Deloitte, E&Y, PwC and now even industry people that probably left the CA/CPA firms are getting this (i.e. McCain)... I am going to ask a few buddies in Toronto if they got this (specifically at PwC, E&Y and Deloitte)

3/10/08

Wow, see ya accounting career...

3/10/08

lol..i love question number 3

3/10/08

You also have to be careful responding -

Did you see all of those disparaging comments about D&T?

That email got forwarded and those KPMG people are also on record bashing D&T. Better hope you don't need to lateral some day!

There's a full version floating around the net, includes all real names and email addresses.

Caution runs both ways.

3/10/08

lmao, this should go in the hall of fame

3/10/08

classic.

3/10/08

Restructure this is dead on - this should be a good reminder to watch what you forward and say in your replies. I'm sure the D&T bashers never imagined it would actually be forwarded out of the firm, especially not to D&T.

3/11/08

Just hope it doesn't show up in one of those investment banking background checks if she ever goes that route.

Of course if she couldn't even make it into accounting, she probably can't get into IBD. :)

This is an absolutely classic email, wow, just wow.

3/11/08

It actually went a little bit further than Canada.

I live in Australia and a friend showed it to me. Wouldn't be surprised if it went to London, Hong Kong, etc.

3/11/08

I can't believe how crazy it can get. Is it just me that thinks it went a bit too overboard?

3/11/08

Can someone PM the full version of this email (a link to a web page) with names? Thanks,

VCMonkey

3/11/08

Not sure if I can publicly post the webpage, but just search for the text on Google.

This is the watered down version - the OP left out 1/2 the e-mail - that's just how bad it got lol.

3/11/08
3/11/08

thanks for the link durden, this made my day

3/11/08

The person who forwarded the email from KPMG to others should definately be fired.

I hope numerous KPMG 'potential' recruits see what kind of firm they're going to work for.

3/11/08
net worth or nothing:

The person who forwarded the email from KPMG to others should definately be fired.

I hope numerous KPMG 'potential' recruits see what kind of firm they're going to work for.

I love these sorts of statements: "see what kind of firm they're going to work for."

Name me ONE firm that you think would be completely exempt from this?

3/11/08

If I were the managing director of one of the satellite offices of KPMG involved, I would most definitely round up everyone who forwarded this email into my office, then I would just simply say, "you're fucking fired - get the hell out of my office". But that's just me. It's OK to talk smack behind closed doors - face it, everyone does it. But to do it in such a public manner and then allow it to circulate the web is incomprehensibly stupid - it puts the firm in a bad light. If your ass was stupid enough to leave your contact info and use your work email to forward that on, you deserve to get canned, in my opinion.

Investment Banking Interview Course
3/12/08

A friend from E&Y China fwd this to me...just amazed at the speed at which this is circling the world!

3/12/08

Not as good as Lucy Gao's...

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3/12/08

The funniest thing about this email is how unfunny the responses are, and the fact that a bunch of tool auditors thought they were Jerry Seinfeld.

Makes me glad I'm not an accountant.

Either you sling crack rock or you got a wicked jump shot

3/12/08
BSD123:

The funniest thing about this email is how unfunny the responses are, and the fact that a bunch of tool auditors thought they were Jerry Seinfeld.

Makes me glad I'm not an accountant.

My thoughts exactly.

3/12/08

Accountants really ARE this boring.

3/12/08

Ditto with everybody, Jerry Springers wannabe

They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the fucking smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby.

They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the fucking smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby.

3/12/08

wow. to those of you "blown away" by how these "monsters" could make fun of this chick....you have clearly never worked in an office. this goes down every day. if she were smart, she could have gotten all of her questions answered without public humiliation. i feel bad for her, b/c she obviously didn't know how to go about getting what she wants.

3/15/08

this young woman is clearly retarded.

in other words, she would make a great accountant.

8/25/08

wow this is hilarious ... i think her career is over

6/12/09
pussy_hands:

wow this is hilarious ... i think her career is over

Hilarious, really?

Like no one here ever asked a stupid or badly phrased question...

Your ability to make fun of this girl's misfortune makes me sick. Is that all you have going for you in your life?

8/28/08

she was just trying to make an informed decision. she could have asked those very same questions - with some alternate wording - without raising an eyebrow.

but yea. dumb move.

9/3/08

Received this whilst working in D&T UK ^^

9/3/08

Received this whilst working in D&T UK ^^

9/4/08

Yeah, the questions themselves were fine, but terribly phrased. I also agree--I'd fire the person who sent it out of the firm. It makes KPMG look really bad.

4/9/09

Hahahaha that was so funny

8/14/09

One of my all time favorites...Seriously, this is a classic

8/21/09

Love it! Extra long bathroom breaks!

8/21/09

This girl went to Oklahoma... it isn't too shocking that she would shit the bed

8/26/09

Why is she even AT KPMG if she went to Oklahoma?

9/1/09

I'm a bit confused, so she actually made it through the interviews and had an offer?

1/20/10

LOL Got this from Deloitte Japan. Wonder if the girl's ever got any job.

3/16/10

haha very good

3/17/10

I read this yesterday and been meaning to post an apply.

Maybe I'm not getting it. What is so funny about this email chain? The UG girl was a bit naive and asked some off the wall questions. But the responses were lame. I find it more annoying how condensing these accountants at KPMG were. It's KPMG auditing, OMG, get out. Their responses were so lame, they spent so much time passing this to each other via internal email. The people who thought this was the most hilarious things are either UG Sophomores and/or aspiring accountants.

Ok the questions will not the brightest thing to ask before starting at a company. Fine, she's naive and maybe quite inexperienced. What is this, shyt about her not ever being able to get another job. "i think her career is over" ... So her career is over because of this 10 email questions?! This isn't some Jeffery Chiang, lying about how he has this offer or that. Or the recruiting video from Alex Vayner, now that was Epic. This is just a bad move by a naive girl.

I hope the immature people at KPMG gets canned for this. Talk about ruining the reputation of your firm further. The reposes were lame, the people were lamer, and the amount of attention this got was the lamest.

Hug It Out

5/11/10

If you don't know how to properly write an email asking honest questions about a potential employer without coming off as a tool... you probably shouldn't be given a job... let alone one with access to clients.

5/11/10

So let's summarize. Auditors at KPMG making unfunny comments about a girl asking questions.

How sad.

"I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcom

5/19/10

hahaha.. . silver banana!

11/23/10

I wonder where she works now.

8/25/12

Redacted.

Still not sure if I want to spend the next 30+ years grinding away in corporate finance and the WSO dream chase or look to have enough passive income to live simply and work minimally.

8/22/12

ooh necro thread, having worked at KPMG, I can say her fears were well founded. They were piloting non paper audits while I was there (2010), and the Chairman told us how the big 4 was now becoming big 2, and the next 2 (EY being the other one turfed out, UK only obviously).

8/22/12

Cant believe you guys are so turned on by this, its borderline funny at best. A bunch of unfunny accountants forwarding an email around about some girl who asked retarded questions.

It ALSO looks really unprofessional on all involves, and usually I'm the last person to say that.

8/22/12

haha, the responses sound like a wso thread

If the glove don't fit, you must acquit!

8/22/12

From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 3:01 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Recruiting should reply in 3 days, saying that they are sorry for the delayed response - the electricity in the building only works every third business day,otherwise, we work by candle using a quill.

THIS IS THE BEST RESPONSE

8/22/12
quintessential:

From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 3:01 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Recruiting should reply in 3 days, saying that they are sorry for the delayed response - the electricity in the building only works every third business day,otherwise, we work by candle using a quill.

THIS IS THE BEST RESPONSE

agreed. this guy (or gal) was funny. the rest notsomuch...

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

8/22/12

So, is KPMG the UBS of accounting? O.o

Valor is of no service, chance rules all, and the bravest often fall by the hands of cowards. - Tacitus

Dr. Nick Riviera: Hey, don't worry. You don't have to make up stories here. Save that for court!

8/23/12

This girl is probably gonna have to change her name.

I really feel bad for her if she isn't hot though. Idk how the fuck she's going to work for a living.

Competition is a sin.

-John D. Rockefeller

8/25/12

classic

8/27/12

this really isn't funny

it just makes accountants look like shitheads

10/16/14

couple thoughts here:

don't ask about part time, flex time, hours etc. if you're applying for audit, know what you're getting into.

don't say you've heard someone's firm is the worst, do your research and ask alums this, it's just offensive.

the mother's one is a fair question, I just would've left it open ended, it just makes her sound like she doesn't want to work at all.

don't say "like mad" in a professional email.

in the end, she got what she deserved. all of these questions could've been answered by doing her homework, during recruiting (what do you like most? is a pretty common info interview question I think), or by phone and thus not making her look like a high maintenance couch potato. serves her right.

"The four most dangerous words in investing are: 'this time it's different.'" - Sir John Templeton

"The investor's chief problem - and even his worst enemy - is likely to be himself." - Benjamin Graham

10/16/14

brofessor gave the perfect response, it took this thread 6 years to get a good comment. Most of those '08 people are tools.

Finance people are probably only marginally funnier than accountants (if at all), and no, people should not be fired for forwarding this out of KPMG, that's probably clear to the people who've since graduated high school.

10/16/14

Scott Irish:

Finance people are probably only marginally funnier than accountants (if at all), and no, people should not be fired for forwarding this out of KPMG, that's probably clear to the people who've since graduated high school.

Just totally wrong. They acted like idiots and brought disrepute on their employer in a HIGHLY anal and professional business.

10/16/14

I agree with you the responses aren't professional - heck I was surprised people wrote that, but firing is a bit extreme. I'm just thinking of this in comparison of banker emails we see on here, I thought these were tame. Back in the day I might have forwarded this to my friends in the firm without comment and talked shit over IM or something.

Plus, the girl was asking "How do you like KPMG even though it's the bottom of the Big 4 and technology sucks?"

Best Response
10/16/14

The woman who sent the email seeking advice from an insider is a novice unlike the KPMG folks who forwarded the email off to just about everyone for shits and giggles. The folks at KPMG are supposed to be professionals who carry themselves a certain way and are an embodiment of the firms core values.

Despite the lack of tact by the woman seeking advice, KPMG staff should have handled this as per protocol by getting HR/recruitment team involved and leaving them to determine the best way to respond. By forwarding this email off I'm sure they violated company policy regarding email not to mention their code of conduct.

Also before anyone says I should lighten up...you're a goddamn professional! Behavior such as the one demonstrated by KPMG staff is what college kids do not Senior Associates. As mentioned by others I'm sure every single person positing has looked like a complete fool in front of managers, recruiters among others before so don't act like you are somehow above the woman who sent this email out.

10/16/14

Okay Jesus H Christ, you guys are talking about 24 year old "senior associates" at KPMG and expecting SEAL Team 6. I read the stuff you youngins' say on WSO, not buying this argument for a second. They're kids, the forward got out of hand, this is a molehill, not a mountain. Very little disrepute was brought, I promise, even if these kids should get chewed by their partners.

And I only want to work with this girl slightly more than the call center guy at Wells Fargo.

10/17/14

@"Scott Irish"

No I'm not expecting 24 year-old "Senior Associates" to be Seal Team 6 but I would expect them to have some semblance of being professional and simply not responding to the email and especially not to forward it off to everyone and anyone they know.

Maybe I come from a different industry but for O&G manufacturing behavior such as this is not tolerated at all regardless of your standing in the company. We have good reason for not perpetrating this type of idiotic behavior in case you leak critical internal info or simply make your company look like it hires any bum off the street.

I'd expect professional who work in the Finance or Accounting realm to have a bit more class and to work with discretion but maybe not.

In any case I guess we'll have to agree to disagree but I personally would not tolerate this kind of action as it reeks of immaturity.

10/17/14

We're not agreeing to disagree that it's unprofessional, I agree with you and @DCDepository. I just think the reaction got a little heated and warrants an ass-chewing, not firing. Plus, the accountants really weren't that funny so it was a stupid risk to take in company email. Now if it was Aleksey Vayner's resume, all bets are off.

10/20/14

@"Scott Irish" Ok I apologize for my response. In any case the woman who sent the email needs to learn some tact and grace because the business world is a lot smaller than what most people think.

10/17/14

To be fair to the girl, she was asking lead in questions on things that were mainly true. KPMG was way behind in terms of technology, is the last of the Big 4 firms (its audit though so no one really cares), and is generally just awful to work at. The staffs definitely seemed pretty insecure about it, when they should have just let it go/asked HR how to respond.

10/18/14

Brilliant. HR - "Helpless Retards"

Strength & Honour
Lads pass exams

10/19/14

no wonder these guys are not investment bankers.

10/19/14

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10/20/14

happy to give advice; no asking for referrals please

10/21/14
10/21/14
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