Monkeys,
I've been having a problem lately and need your help. My 18 hour days and work on the weekends has left me little time to track down a girl friend, who could service my man needs. I assume this would be fairly easy for me to do, since I'm tall with good looks and nice suits, but I simply don't have the time because of work. Lately I've be been over staffed, IMO, and barely have time to take care of my own needs. Thus, this is quite embarrassing, I have been getting random boners at my desk. With that new Kate Upton video going around the office, I've been getting boners quite regularly, almost once an hour. This is fine while I can hide them under my desk, but if I need to stand up this can lead to some embarrassment. As am sure we all know, suit pants are very light in nature and will lift and conform to objects easier than say jeans for example. I have contemplated wearing under armor compression shorts to help hide the problem. I'm sure some of you will suggest taking care of my needs in the office bathroom, but I'm scared to death that someone will catch me and the repercussions, such as losing my job or becoming a registered sex offender. Should I transfer to a European bank that might provide me with a way to take care of the problem via a work sponsored prostitute party? What tactics and strategies you you all use when faced with a similar problem, I know I'm not alone on this one. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
FYI I already wear pleated pants
pleated pants
oh wait nevermind
go to the bathroom and take care of it...it's the only solution, otherwise it will keep coming back,
what do you mean take care of it? cut it off?
When I said take car of it I mean go to the bathroom and fix your junk.
When I said to take care of it I meant to go to the bathroom and fix your junk.
When I said to take car of it I meant to go to the bathroom and fix your junk. ;)
When I said to go to the bathroom and take care of it I meant to go to the bathroom and fix your junk.
When I said take care of it I meant to go to the bathroom and fix you fucking junk. LOL ;-)
watch Boner Jams '03
Well, you're not a sex offender for masturbating in a bathroom. And if someone comes into the bathroom, you stop. And believe me, they would almost never have the balls to call you out on it. Think about it. If you heard a squishy sound in the bathroom, would you seriously ever go to a boss and say "Umm... I think I heard someone jerking off." Unless you have proof, and even if you did, you'd never mention it.
That's so funny. :)
What do you mean when you said if it's to big, don't hide what?
if it's big, don't hide it
You could say I'm in the bulge bracket
pop some viagra every morning and tape it to your stomach.
Short term effect: It will be hidden.
Long term effect: You won't have the boner problem anymore.
do u go commando? cuz if not, just tuck it behind ur elastic band.
/thread
try a few different methods and see what works best
why don't you ditch the undies tomorrow and leave your fly undone?
see which way the wind's blowin', ya know?
Did a double take when I read the post title.
Go to the MD's secretary, open your trousers and say "its not gonna suck itself you know"
You just need to get active. Quick lap around the office usually does the trick.
Yep, I second this idea. Just go for a quick sprint in the corridor.
that would result in an awfully awkward waddle around the office...
Easily my new favorite thread on WSO.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100119202456AATqmEr
This is definitely my favorite. Major props CEEB. I would give you SBs but I gave my last one to melvvar.
you know WSO is heading in the right direction when kids asking legit networking questions get like 3 responses in two days while the kid asking about how to hide his hard on gets 18 responses in an hour and a half
dude, when you go 6 to 12, you just gotta do the tuck. don't be an amateur.
Make sure you bend over when you get up from your desk to buy you some time.
This is my favorite thread on WSO. My day is much better now.
Tuck it in the elastic of the boxer brief leg
since OP is euro it's probably 3 inches erect. won't reach up that far.
the solution is to think unsexy thoughts.
Careful now...
LOL, I've never heard of a 20-something male having issues with his erection control. I haven't had that problem since I was 12 or 13. I thought that was something that passed with adolescence. Guess we learn something new every day.
Tie it down.
Op, why don't you address the root cause and go stuff something tonight?
I'll be huntin' in East Village
Entrepreneur for life.
36 and 3rd... Best rub-and-tug on the island bro.
easy, shove it up your rectum.
Think of your grandma in a police uniform.
Put your hand in your pocket pretending you're reaching for your phone and control that damn thing
Three options
Go to the pants store
Tell people it's an optical illusion
Tell people to "Don't act like you're not impressed."
I would go with #3, wear it around like a badge of honor
Swear to god I got a boner at work while sitting in my boss's office earlier this week. No apparent reason for it at all. I guess he's just too darn handsome.
just go to the bathroom and beat your dick up
When this happens to me, i just put my hand in my pocket. Hopefully that helps to cover it up a bit
Hands in pockets, make an excuse to stay seated, etc.
The compression shorts only work so much (got an NRB in high school during a presentation, wore compression shorts that day anticipating it, catastrophe was narrowly avoided). And I would not recommend tape as that will hurt coming off.
Looks like your only solution is to cut your dick off.
at the end of the day id 100% rather get a NARB than not be able to inflate when needed. Nothing like watching a stripper try to find ur dick for 3 minutes
.
lmao
Slam pieces were the first to get laid off when the economy turned south since HR couldn't really tell what they did in the office other than eat up budget. Hopefully we will get back to the pre-2007 days of having hot secretaries.
Ease up on the caffiene and the stimulants.
i find a female in heat at desk and we solve each other's problems
I will bet that you dont work 18 hour days nor are you tall or good looking. In addition I doubt anyone notices when you schmekel is at full staff.
Boner In Class Dilemma (Originally Posted: 04/28/2010)
Just curious as to what everyone's strategy is when getting a boner in class (particularly towards the end). I guess this question could also extend more generally to work/public boners. A few solutions I'm aware of are:
A) Quickly tucking boner in between pants and stomach (Fairly risky maneuver but extremely effective once executed) B) Using books/binders/etc to shield boner when walking out of class C) Stay in seat after class and allow time for boner to run its course.
There are probably many options I'm overlooking. Feel free to chirp in with your own method or comment on which of the above strategies you find most effective.
If you're having a problem with getting boners in class, you are definitely not at an ivy league school.
Put your hands in your pockets. WHile in your pocket, use one of your hands to grab it and hold it down, then walk out.
say the pledge of allegiance to yourself three times to get your mind off of it, then it just goes away. works like a charm.
Why hide it? Get up and walk out proudly. Would be even better if you ask the hottest girl in the class to come back to your dorm for some good study time.
When it doubt, whip it out.
Best thread today.
I typically go with the "pledge of allegiance" method mentioned above. The most effective thing I've found to get your mind off of it is to engage someone else in conversation. Raise your hand to ask a question if you're in class, or bullshit with the analyst next to you if you're at work. Note however that this method totally breaks down if your professor or the analyst next to you are attractive females.
lol. you can usually be ninja enough to move and tuck. noone's gonna be staring at you 24/7. and by this day and age, i'm expecting most guys to be able to do this in one swift move while getting up or packing your stuff up.
two words: renee zellweger
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
Female hormone supplements.
"It's the pleats."
or
"Don't act like you're not impressed!"
Just mentally train yourself to ejaculate on demand.
Thats what I used to do back in college, unzip your fly, subtly ejaculate on the girl sitting in front of you... problem solved.
Go with a combo of A and B. Switch the boner from 6 oclock to 12 oclock, and cover with book whilst walking out of class.
Sounds good in theory, may be tough to pull off under pressure.
When I fold up my boner, it always seems to melt back to normal in like 5 seconds.
DO This
In high school (2003-2007), whenever i popped a woody in a bad spot I would always think I was in Iraq. I would picture myself in a humvee that was being attacked by insurgents.
i think you guys are getting a little bit ahead of yourselves. common courtesy dictates that the first thing you should do is get up and put the desk you just flipped over back in its proper position. then you should apologize to the poor soul who happened to be sitting in that desk and just went for the ride of their life when your wang caught the bottom left corner of the under-seat-book-rack, sending their desk into the air in a whirling frenzy. at this point, you either pull out your backup pair of shorts from your backpack and change or get out your sewing kit and repair the massive tear your wang just ripped through your clothes. now you can begin thinking of margaret thatcher, iraq, etc or attempt the swoop and tuck
That's too analytical for a boner discussion bro.
Note: When handling a frenzied dong this intimidating, great care needs to be taken during the swoop and tuck to not hit yourself in the face and leave an errant mushroom stamp. Save that for the most unsavory of ladies.
LOL
What should I do to cover my boner when I'm walking down the trading floor? (Originally Posted: 05/19/2010)
So I assume there's gonna be lots of hot young interns this summer. What should I do when I suddenly get a boner while walking down the trading floor? This is an issue because I tend to get boners a lot...
Dude we already did this: http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/boner-in-class-dilemma
using your belt to fasten your junk to your belly after going from six to midnight can be tricky when you've got excess fabric from a dress shirt to navigate around. i'd recommend a tight fitting pair of briefs to keep your shit in check.
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=588132&highlight=hide+bo…
Seeing as you're a quant, I doubt anyone is going to notice...
touche
great to hear from you again brotherbear
i'm calling troll
Methinks Brotherbear just feels insecure. He probably figures you've already probably got him beat on one count and he's just worried you might have him beat on another.
^^why are you defensive? lol
.
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