Broke up with gf can’t function

Hello, I'm just looking for some advice and to vent.

I broke up with my girlfriend of two years about two months ago due to some issues that I was going through. Our relationship was very happy and loving but she never put too much effort into it and made me feel unloved.

About a month ago we reconnected after she begged me to try again and decided to give it a chance but things went south quick. During the first week of trying again she was seeing other guys and not having any availability for me as she was going on dates (going to Netflix and chill even though she says they just watched a movie) I found about this during the second week when I checked her phone as she was being extremely cold and disconnected which was very rare for us. During the second week she came over the day after going to Netflix and chill at some guys house and told me she didn't want to try again anymore.

I stuck around two weeks after that since we kept talking and hanging since I still have a lot of feelings for her but at this point I just think she sees me as a backup choice. She kept always giving me mixed signals that she still loves me in some ways or that she really loves spending time with me but that she also doesn't want to hang out much with me and wants to be alone. She keeps asking for some time till she figures out what she wants telling me that maybe in the winter she will want to date again….

Anyways all of this has broken me like never before and I can't function. I laid in bed for weeks just crying and having no energy to even workout or do anything. She seems very happy going out clubbing and partying which are things she would never do with me even when I begged her to have fun with me.

I just feel very heart broken and gutted and I can't stop thinking about her and other guys. I truly love her I just needed a break due to some internal issues I was having, I never figured that she would just move on after a month and be this fucked up. It's been a week since I talked to her but I still can't function. I have missed almost all of my training and I have no desire to do much. I'm trying to work on myself again and started slowly working on regaining my routine (managed to workout this week).

I'm just so lost on how to move on and heal, my self confidence which is normally high has been destroyed especially since we had a lot of sex issues in our relationship (had sex one every two months) but here she is happy to hump guys from tinder. It's not like I'm a bad looking guy and I'm probably even in better shape than when we first started dating. At this point I just felt like she ever truly loved me and I wasted two years and fell in love for someone who could give 0 fucks about me. She shows no remorse for what she has done and just treats me like pure shit since hence why I had to block her out of my life.

Sorry for the long rant this is just probably my first real serious relationship and I'm just shattered. I spent every minute with her and I just don't know how to be alone nor get over what she has done. I tried fucking other girls but at the end of the day that just makes me feel worse same with dating other girls. I know i need alone time to heal and move on but idk how.

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Comments (98)

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Jul 20, 2021 - 4:17pm

Bro, it hurts and that sucks, but there's only one way you come out on top-suck it up and invest in yourself.

Way I see it there's 3 ways this plays out:

  1. you keep acting sorry for yourself and skip trainings and allow her to dictate your life while still not winning her back or moving on.
  2. You get your life together and try to prove the mistake she made and why you actually are so much better than the other guys she has been going to Netflix and chills with. To do this, start hitting the gym, do well in your job, possibly pickup a hobby.
  3. Really your best option: You stop feeling sorry for yourself, go to the gym, focus on your job, and recognize that unfortunately she likely wasn't the one. Fortunately, if you bunker down and work hard for the next few years, you will have all the options in the world and you will forget about her. Hell, maybe even years down the line when she is 40 she will look you up and have a panic attack because she then finally realizes the mistake she made. Either way, you gotta get it together man and start building the sort of guy that women would want to be with-that will give you confidence to get women way better than your POS cheating girlfriend (who prob isn't that hot anyway).
Jul 27, 2021 - 1:01pm

This man knows, hit the gym, excel in work, and become an apex predator. Easier said than done, but you can only control your own values - nothing external. So just focus on that. shoot me a message and I can share some really good workout programs with you.

Jul 30, 2021 - 3:27pm

Late on this but search Patrice O Neal relationship advice on Youtube will help you out a lot on how to not get put into this position again and how to learn from it

Jul 20, 2021 - 4:35pm

Just put out at work and at the gym. Success in all forms of life is the best revenge.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Jul 20, 2021 - 4:50pm

Yeah i know… and even if we do try again one day I will never be able to get over her basically cheating. It just hurts that two months ago she was the extreme opposite, never ever lied to me about anything and was always very affectionate and trust worthy

  • Analyst 1 in RE - Comm
Jul 22, 2021 - 3:25pm

you gotta get the idea of trying again out of your head bro. Imagine what you would think if your little brother/cousin/nephew got back with a girl that cheated on him.

Jul 20, 2021 - 4:41pm

I'm sorry to hear that. It hurts, but most/every guy has to go through this at least once...

Why don't you go around start seeing other girls and give her ZERO attention? She'll start crawling back and then you can have the satisfaction is getting rid of her for good, which will drive her crazy and make her want you more. But of course by that point, don't show any love or affection.

Float like a butterfly, sting like the bee.
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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Jul 20, 2021 - 4:47pm

I haven't texted her in a week and I been sleeping around/seeing other girls a good chunk for the past two weeks but it hasn't been helping out all. I still keep just thinking about her when I'm on a date or sleeping with someone else, and it drives me crazy that she hasn't even tried reaching out once since I stopped talking to her.

Jul 20, 2021 - 5:01pm

I hate to sound dark here, but you should really think about moments and times when she just straight up used you and took full advantage of you like some puny piece of sh1t who no one cares about. If you really put it into perspective, she's straight up toxic and just used you up. Go on all her social pages (FB, Insta, whatever) now and see all the fun she's having with other dudes and girls, and see how you're nowhere in the picture. And then take a deep breath and try to be rational about this, not just emotional....

Sooner or later you'll hopefully get it and it'll click - she doesn't five a fuh about you and never did, but liked the satisfaction of having you around and using you up.

Float like a butterfly, sting like the bee.
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Jul 20, 2021 - 5:03pm

Also, I'm speaking from personal experience and having helped other get through very similar situations. I hope you don't take it personally, but I've seen this time and time again...

Float like a butterfly, sting like the bee.
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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Jul 20, 2021 - 5:17pm

It's okay! I really appreciate it and have already accepted the fact that she never loved me and only liked the idea of having someone around. I'm just still struggling to heal that's all, I spent way too much time with her to the point that I'm very disconnected from all my friends and hobbies that could help me in this situation.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Jul 20, 2021 - 5:25pm

Block her and delete everything. Have a friend on standby to always stop you from contacting her. Delete and keep everything about her out of your life or reach. Seriously, do not contact her. Delete her number and block her from every single thing you could possibly reach out to her through.

Do NOT reach out to her, do not forgive her, do not think about what YOU did wrong because you did NOTHING wrong.

Keep grinding, focus on yourself, realize women are trash, and have fun dude. Don't let yourself derive your value from her opinion or the opinion of other women.

Jul 20, 2021 - 5:27pm

Pro tip: never chase after girls. Make yourself desireable for girls so they chase you (by working out, looking good, making good income, having interesting hobbies). 
 

that was ur problem. U should've improved on yourself and made her feel like she was actually missing out by not being with you. . . 

Jul 20, 2021 - 5:54pm

I actually agree with Pizz on this one.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Jul 21, 2021 - 11:26am

And if even in the end, u work out, get better looking, make more money, etc. AND she still doesn't come back to you...GUESS what--her LOSS, and ull find someone else who WILL WANT to suck your dick for what u are and have become

Jul 20, 2021 - 5:34pm

It doesn't seem like the two of you feel the same about each other. You seem to care for her more than she does about you. When you have this inequality, a toxic power dynamic emerges. She holds the power now. You're letting her hurt you. She could potentially cheat more, and, unless you realize she's not treating you right, you are going to forgive her every time. You're going to suffer while she won't worry about anything because she'll come back to you and know you'll accept her apology every time.

Jul 20, 2021 - 5:35pm

Healthy relationships require mutual emotion. The emotion isn't mutual here, and unfortunately the person with the bigger heart is the one who suffers in these cases.

She's putting herself first and dealing with her issues the way she wants to, without any regard for your feelings.

You need to put yourself first and let her go. Being with someone who cheats on you isn't going to make you feel good. Do what you need to in order to make yourself happy, and the first step is letting this girl go.

  • Intern in CorpFin
Jul 20, 2021 - 5:58pm

Block her and move on I'm afraid. I was in a similar place years ago - it gets a bit better everyday.

Jul 20, 2021 - 5:59pm

Block her and move on I'm afraid. I was in a similar place years ago - it gets a bit better everyday.

You're afraid? lol ok take a Xanax 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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  • Prospect in Research - Other
Jul 20, 2021 - 6:12pm

Was in a very similar situation about 1.5 years ago, girl that I thought loved me ended up sleeping with one of her "best friends." First things first, do not contact her in any way, shape or form. This will only prolong your pain. Delete all pictures/videos/snap memories of her, block all social media, erase her from your life. This is imperative. Next, pick up an exercise regimen. I can't explain the science behind it, but exercise makes you feel good as fuck. I would recommend weightlifting. Pick a well researched split and hit the gym 6 days a week. Couple this with increased socializing. Text your friends, go out on the town, hit the bars, and remind yourself that there are 8 billion other people in this world. I am 10000000% sure there is a girl out there for you that is 10x hotter, smarter, more driven, and a better partner for you in general. In all seriousness, time heals all wounds. It's cliche because it's true. Don't expect to feel better tomorrow or next week, but if you get up everyday and practice the positive habits that I and others above me have outlined, that girl will soon be just another head in the back of your mind. Sending my love, OP. You got this. 

  • Intern in RE - Comm
Jul 20, 2021 - 6:23pm

Focus on yourself and you'll get through this. I think you understand she wasn't right for you. The sex wasn't good, she wasn't that into you and when you weren't in a good place, she went out and fucked other guys while stringing you along the whole time. I don't know about you, but I'd rather be lonely than be with someone like that.

Jul 20, 2021 - 8:08pm

The issue here is that you say she was great and fine until 2 months ago yet mention that she didn't want to go out with you to parties but now she does it and has a lot of fun. That indicates there were structural issues in the relationship earlier on than 2 months ago. I hate fo say it but she's using you like a sugar daddy but has been having "fun" with other guys. Those "mixed signals" is probably due to your earnings. She wants to have fun with other guys but wants your money (or potential money) too. Agree with others that you have to cut it off and come to terms with it. As for forgetting. I'd recommend changing the places you go to if possible and not going to the same places you used to go with her if possible.

Array

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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Jul 20, 2021 - 9:19pm

She has a good paying job and comes from a well to do family so uh I don't think money was ever a factor

Jul 21, 2021 - 7:47am

When girls are trying to lock in a guy it's either for immediate gratification or the long term play or both. Based on your comment the long term play can still apply. Would not your long term earnings in high finance be multiples of what she will make? If you both decide to have kids guess whose wallet will be paying for most if not all expenses. It's inaccurate to think that those from well to do background can't be thirsty for money. Anecdotal but I do know chics from upper middle class/upper class backgrounds who bluntly tell me they will only consider marrying a rich guy who will give them all the money they want to fund their hobbies. The idea is that some girls who have grown up with wealth want to aim for even higher and the easiest way to get that is by marrying a rich man.

Array

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  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Jul 20, 2021 - 9:40pm

I can't even imagine what this is like. I've never had a serious relationship, but even when I just have a fling with a girl and I start liking her, I'm shattered when things don't go any further. The most recent time a girl didn't want to move things along with me, it was so brutal. Everyone deals with it differently. For me, I found that being alone was extremely tough. Instead, I actively sought to hang out with friends each night and get a drink or two and just hang out. Not good to self-medicate, and that's a whole other topic, but being with my friends and knowing that I had such a strong and loving support group really helped me get through it. It helped me realize that this one person is so unimportant in my life and instead I shifted my focus to being grateful for the relationships that I did have and for the people who wanted to hang out with me as much as I wanted to hang out with them. In the end though, I would still think about this girl when I was alone. And I've found that the only fix for that is time. Seeing/sleeping with other girls doesn't do anything. You just have to let time heal a broken heart. 

You got this brotha!

Jul 21, 2021 - 9:38am

The first serious breakup is crippling.  I've certainly been there and truly thought I'd never bounce back from it.  It will absolutely take time, but years later you'll look back on it and laugh about how you felt/behaved.  Some of my fondest memories with friends have been trading self-deprecating war stories of traumatic break ups.  You realize how common it is and how hurt even the 'toughest' of people felt.

I also fully believe that pain, resentment, and anger are powerful tools.  Obviously it is a fine line, but you can channel those emotions for good.  One extra set in the gym, one extra mile on the run, an extra push to pursue a promotion/career advancement, etc. etc.  

Stay strong my friend!

Jul 21, 2021 - 11:47pm

ebitDUMBDUMB

The first serious breakup is crippling.  

Very true - I dated from about 16 - 27 and broke up with every girl until 27 when a relationship went down in flames and I broke up with her first and then we got back together and then she broke up with me. We were living together too so very complicated. I couldn't shit or eat or do anything but feel this null empty void. Well I did shit eventually of course but terrible feeling. I've only had 3 chicks break up with me and the other ~12 relationships I broke it off.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Jul 22, 2021 - 9:08am

Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎

ebitDUMBDUMB

The first serious breakup is crippling.  

Very true - I dated from about 16 - 27 and broke up with every girl until 27 when a relationship went down in flames and I broke up with her first and then we got back together and then she broke up with me. We were living together too so very complicated. I couldn't shit or eat or do anything but feel this null empty void. Well I did shit eventually of course but terrible feeling. I've only had 3 chicks break up with me and the other ~12 relationships I broke it off.

15 relationships.. my guy? And I'm assuming your body count is like 10x that. You ever consider just getting a dog and a fleshlight?

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Jul 21, 2021 - 9:56am

Stop trying to qualify yourself to women. You do your best to be a good person in general, that's all that matters. And it doesn't matter if it's for your guy friends or your girlfriends. Romantic relationships obviously require a little more care as they're certainly different than strictly platonic ones. But this idea that "love conquers all" or whatever is bullshit.

Just do your best according to what it means to be in a romantic relationship. If she doesn't like what you have to offer, then she can hit the road and some other chick will always be there to take her place. You wouldn't accept a male friend walking all over you and you shouldn't do the same just because it's a woman and she was willing to give you sex once per month.

Jul 21, 2021 - 9:58am

Dude.

I am not one to generally write things in this manner...

  • Stop being a God damn wounded snowflake (we called it something else).  Please.  Just stop now.
  • Your world is not ending it is just starting.
  • Burn everything (Delete in your generation)
  • No Fucks Given.
  • Buy a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue.  Drink it.  Still wanna cry?  Buy another and repeat.
  • Place every penny you WOULD have spent on her and sock it away.
  • You are an Investment Banker for fucks sake.  Act like the Big Swinging Dick you always wanted to be.
  • No former partner is worth your mental time.  Think of it this way:  Spending five minutes thinking about them is five minutes you could have used for something productive.
  • Rent a hooker (or whatever the PC term is these days)
  • Take a vacation with friends (long weekend OK).
  • Breathe...Just breathe.

You should not give two fucks.  No retaliation either (i.e. Don't call the DEA and say they are running a meth lab, or drop off some coke in a fed ex box at her office)

You are a sovereign individual. You are your own CEO.  Dust off your big boy pants stop going to the internet to wallow and be the best version of YOU.

Namaste.

D.O.U.G.

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Jul 21, 2021 - 11:37pm

Dude your advice is just fucking terrible. Please just stfu and go back to your "HURR DURR I'M A BSD BANKER" corner. We don't have time for your kind of retards.

Jul 23, 2021 - 12:32pm

Hey griezeball --

DURRRRR...I am not a banker.  Would never be a banker and apparently you do not feel that telling someone to man up is appropriate.

Fine.

Take your participation ribbon and your snuggly blanket and go color in a safe space.  The adults are here trying to offer some advice.

Namaste.

D.O.U.G.

Jul 21, 2021 - 9:59am

I know it sucks. Accept it for a day, feel bad, do what you need to do, but by letting her control your life and by simping and feeling sorry for yourself, you actually make it harder to move on.

Call up your friends, go pick up a hobby and spend time with it, talk to other women, and focus on the fact that you have another day to live, to make something happen.

We all go through this, every guy has been fucked with in the way that you have and that's what teaches us to avoid these types of people going forward. Ask yourself: do you love yourself? What would you expect from someone who you wanted to be with? What do you expect of yourself when you love someone?

I bet it's a hell of a lot more than this person was giving, and so I ask you, why would you settle for less than that?

The person your with shouldn't make it hard to love them. They really shouldn't. You need to tell her straight up that 1.) she sucks and she clearly used you and 2.) that you feel hurt, but that you know better and you certainly are going to move on from this.

Then, delete everything about her from your phone and push forward. You won't care about this in a few weeks. And don't wait or anticipate her crawling back. She likely will, but who wants to be with a woman / guy who can't realize what they have the first time around?

You'll move on. Love yourself, don't waste your life over someone. She wouldn't do that for you, and you sure as hell should NOT do that for her.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Jul 21, 2021 - 8:02pm

Thank you everyone! All the replies have really helped me make feel a lot better. I can't express how much the support means. This forum has helped me out since the beginning and I'm glad to always have a place to vent and hear some helpful advice.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Jul 21, 2021 - 8:02pm

Thank you everyone! All the replies have really helped me make feel a lot better. I can't express how much the support means. This forum has helped me out since the beginning and I'm glad to always have a place to vent and hear some helpful advice.

Jul 23, 2021 - 1:18pm

grieze

Literal quote from Isiah

Nope - 18 - 25 isn't HS 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • Associate 2 in PE - LBOs
Jul 21, 2021 - 10:57pm

I see you've been hooking up with new girls and working out which are of course critical steps in the process, but you've skipped step # 1 which is going out with the boys and getting fucked up. Additionally, if I were to guess the girls you are hooking up with now are just Tinder hos. Go out and flirt with girls at the bar. The chase and in person flirtation are really a good replacements for the comfort of a relationship. You're only interested in the chase when there's a spark that instigates offline IMO.    

Jul 21, 2021 - 11:35pm

Omg bro I'm so sorry to hear that shit dude. Fuck that's rough, dude you need to cut her completely out and block her from your life. It's evident she doesn't give a fuck about you and you need to focus on yourself and make yourself happy. Total cunt move on her part to be fucking other dudes while stringing you along. Stay strong brother, the right one will come along soon enough, but it's important for you to find your own inner peace happiness.

Jul 22, 2021 - 12:12am

One thing I learned the hard way is if a girl ever wants to take a break, do it and don't look back. Even if she begs and entices you with many incentives.... if a girl wants to take a break, she is not worth your time. The relationship will not last even if you devote your life to her.

This is a tough thing to go through after a long term relationship with her but the best bet is to focus on other aspects of your life that you can improve and become a better person. Take your emotions and brokenness and drive to succeed with your career or other aspects of your life. Don't look back at her or that relationship. It will take time but in the end you will be a better person and she will be the dirty whore who is still humping tinder boys.

Jul 22, 2021 - 12:14am

leave that HO alone and GHOST her totally, and move ON. use next year's BONUS to buy a LIFTED JEEP with neon CANDY paint and ride around the city (any city) to SHOW off. shapely SLORES of many CREEDS and UPBRINGINGS will see YOU, and hop RIGHT IN, and SLOB you down like a SWEET cherry pop on a HOT day

Jul 23, 2021 - 3:14pm

Don't ghost her - block her 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Jul 22, 2021 - 1:20am

Anonymous Monkey

Hello, I'm just looking for some advice and to vent.

I broke up with my girlfriend of two years about two months ago due to some issues that I was going through. Our relationship was very happy and loving but she never put too much effort into it and made me feel unloved.

About a month ago we reconnected after she begged me to try again and decided to give it a chance but things went south quick. During the first week of trying again she was seeing other guys and not having any availability for me as she was going on dates (going to Netflix and chill even though she says they just watched a movie) I found about this during the second week when I checked her phone as she was being extremely cold and disconnected which was very rare for us. During the second week she came over the day after going to Netflix and chill at some guys house and told me she didn't want to try again anymore.

I stuck around two weeks after that since we kept talking and hanging since I still have a lot of feelings for her but at this point I just think she sees me as a backup choice. She kept always giving me mixed signals that she still loves me in some ways or that she really loves spending time with me but that she also doesn't want to hang out much with me and wants to be alone. She keeps asking for some time till she figures out what she wants telling me that maybe in the winter she will want to date again….

Anyways all of this has broken me like never before and I can't function. I laid in bed for weeks just crying and having no energy to even workout or do anything. She seems very happy going out clubbing and partying which are things she would never do with me even when I begged her to have fun with me.

I just feel very heart broken and gutted and I can't stop thinking about her and other guys. I truly love her I just needed a break due to some internal issues I was having, I never figured that she would just move on after a month and be this fucked up. It's been a week since I talked to her but I still can't function. I have missed almost all of my training and I have no desire to do much. I'm trying to work on myself again and started slowly working on regaining my routine (managed to workout this week).

I'm just so lost on how to move on and heal, my self confidence which is normally high has been destroyed especially since we had a lot of sex issues in our relationship (had sex one every two months) but here she is happy to hump guys from tinder. It's not like I'm a bad looking guy and I'm probably even in better shape than when we first started dating. At this point I just felt like she ever truly loved me and I wasted two years and fell in love for someone who could give 0 fucks about me. She shows no remorse for what she has done and just treats me like pure shit since hence why I had to block her out of my life.

Sorry for the long rant this is just probably my first real serious relationship and I'm just shattered. I spent every minute with her and I just don't know how to be alone nor get over what she has done. I tried fucking other girls but at the end of the day that just makes me feel worse same with dating other girls. I know i need alone time to heal and move on but idk how.

This instance is just a drop in the bucket of life. While it is hard and it is painful... you are young. There is so much more to experience. Give yourself a fixed time to beat yourself up about it (10mins to a weekend) and when that time expires, wake up.

Take a moment to acknowledge the good in life. What are you grateful for? What's going right? What can you control and what can't you control?

Heart break is hell, but healing starts with your mind. Mindset, outlook, and attitude can go so far. Change your mind and your body and heart will follow.

Just wake up.

Jul 22, 2021 - 8:28am

Cut her out of your life as if she never existed. Find another woman and focus on her. You will soon forget about this one. And believe me, once you're with another girl, this other one will start feeling jealousy and regret. Forgetting about her is a great way to punish her and help yourself.

Jul 22, 2021 - 10:38am

Hope you will get better after these events. We support you. From your writings, it seems like you truly loved her. Sadly, nowadays most people know how to date but ability to love and care about someone is a rare asset. But you possess this asset. By explicitly saying that you cried after breakup and feel broken means that you didn't lose her but she lost you. Most people wish to have a person next to them like you; who can truly love and care. I know for now it feels terrible but don't hurt yourself, it is not worth it. Feeling empty happens you spent a lot of time with her. For couple of time, don't try to find another one or develop bad habits. Spend some time with friends, family, have some hobbies.Don't feel sad. Sometimes challanges come and bad things happen to good people as well. Just keep going and don't get yourself broken under the pressure. You are hard-working, intelligent person (your career shows that) + you have nice heart (your writings show that). So, girl lost you, you didn't lose her. You deserve far more. Be patient and strong. Good things take time.

  • Analyst 1 in S&T - Other
Jul 22, 2021 - 12:15pm

Several months back I experienced this same pain, and working in a bullpen with heartbreak was damn near impossible, I thought everything was over and I was ready to quit my job and move to the woods..but what I will say is this in the months following with my supporting cast to keep me going - I signed up for therapy, hit the gym (lost 30+ pounds), am in the best shape I've been in years, and I just recently signed a buy side offer I never dreamed of possible, you know what the craziest part is? None of this would've happened if not for the break up and at the beginning of this I would've thought the future was just me laying in bed and never feeling anything in life. 

I hated hearing this but time heals all, but YOU need to step forward and get after it. If you're in high finance - you're driven, competitive, and can get through anything. I know it's hard to hear, but we're rooting for you king. Show her what she lost. 

  • Incoming Analyst in IB - Ind
Jul 22, 2021 - 3:00pm

It's not you that's the problem it's her. Don't take her actions to heart (as hard as that may be). Focus on yourself, surround yourself with people you care about, and treat yourself too. Buy some jewelry i.e. a watch or something (doesn't have to be expensive). Helped me when I had to break up with my girlfriend of 3+ years. Sorry buddy, keep pushing. There's light at the end of the tunnel and it's much shorter than you'd think.

Jul 22, 2021 - 3:27pm

I am just wired wrong? Because this would not have the same effect on me. I believe people are supposed to come and out of our lives.

SafariJoe, wins again!
  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Jul 22, 2021 - 7:08pm

from a girl perspective, she probably only wanted attention after u guys reconnected and wanted the feeling of u still needing her, and once she got it, she didn't care about u anymore - honestly sounds like she never really did, so f her, be glad this happened bc who knows would've happened if you stayed w her even longer. block and delete that hoe on everything, all ur pics and in months time you will be great

Jul 23, 2021 - 10:52am

Went through almost this exact situation. I promise you it gets better. At a certain point (a few months for me) something will switch within you. You'll realize you don't care about someone who treated you so poorly. Things WILL get better - there is no doubt. For now, focus on taking care of yourself as much as you can by eating healthily, getting good sleep, working out, etc. You'll get through this - the first few weeks after are the worst. Cut her off as soon as you can and you'll quickly realize how great life can be when you prioritize yourself and just yourself as you aren't in a relationship anymore. Good luck man - you got this!

Jul 23, 2021 - 12:15pm

You gotta start hitting the gym daily - I'd recommend the morning before work - to boost up your confidence. Once you have confidence you will be more optimistic about life.

Next you gotta laugh more and the best way to do so is by spending time with friends and family. The people who mean the most to you will bring out your happiness.

Lastly, you need to get laid. Doesn't matter who she is or how bad the sex is just do it. Literally any girl sounds better than this girl who plays with your heart. Do these three things and your attitude will turn around. Just takes time.

Array

  • 1
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Jul 23, 2021 - 12:44pm

this. last point especially. I don't mean to be rude, but OP's point about "once every two months" was quite alarming. consistency in this area of life is essential for your mental and physical health.

I truly think you need to start prioritizing your physical needs and health, which stretches from this to the gym to your mental health etc.

Jul 23, 2021 - 12:53pm

oh my god bless your heart - I'm a girl here and trust me ...we can be the absolute worst. I would definitely give you a hug if I could. Of course it is important to go to work and stuff but I will say this because it does help - let it bleed all out. Like really, cry like a baby, like for days even. In the shower, in your food, on a walk, on the phone, wherever (just hopefully not on a business call or at work) - because I feel like letting it all out now, will make the bleeding stop later. 

Remember why you guys ended - "made me feel unloved" - there you go - if you felt unloved then it's not worth it anymore. Yes I totally get it where maybe you want her still because the relationship was "fan-fricken-tastic and happy" most of the time while sometimes having those tough unloving moments, but let me tell ya, it's your brain playing with you. The moment I knew I was so in the wrong and that my relationship was long gone when my ex told me he was flunking out of school (me, an overachiever) and was in gamblers anonymous and I was trying to find justifications as to why I still wanted him (im 20...). 

also if she didn't do the clubby shit in the relationship she sure as hell aint doing it now - meaning she's doing all of this crazy nonsense to prove to you that she has the upper hand (for the moment). We ladies are evil and want to get revenge so of course she's gonna rub humping random ass dudes on tinder in your face, *you broke up with her* not the other way around.  The moral of the story is, she is immature (as most people are now a days) and she wasn't the one. It happens. To like 99.9999% of us.

I'm so sorry for your pain - I know the feeling 1000000xxxxx - so feel free to PM me if you need to vent to some random ass chick on Wall Street Oasis, I'm all ears :) <3

You will get over this my love, even if it feels like you never will. 

Jul 27, 2021 - 1:52pm

The best revenge is self improvement

That phrasing sounds lame - this is better:

"Success is the best revenge"

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Jul 26, 2021 - 8:36pm

Welcome to heartbreak.

You need to embrace the emotions. It sucks. It is part of the process.

But you won't feel like this for more than six months if you play your cards right. 
My suggestion is a little bit different.

0/ Cut her off completely. Delete her number, all texts, email, messages etc. Get rid of all her stuff that you have. Cut off ties to all mutual friends. This should have been done yesterday.

1/ Read two books:

- A guide to the good life by William Irving

- How to stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable about absolutely anything by Albert Ellis

These two books will help you build a strong stoic mindset and snap out of this. 

2/ Desensitize yourself. And you don't achieve this by going on a hookup bender. Instead, stop seeing anyone for the next three months. Yes. You will realize you don't need to chase women to be happy -- and that alone makes you a lot more attractive in their eyes. And when you are ready, only go out at most twice a week - Thu and Sat. 

3/ Pick up a mindfulness practice. It could be Yoga (check out Animal Flow) or a meditation practice. Could even be the Wim Hof method. You want to have a "zero f*cks given attitude", it will take daily practice. 

I do not need to tell you what happens next. 

Jul 27, 2021 - 1:53pm

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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