bullshit breakdown (for prospective monkeys)

Breaking down the bullshit for the prospective monkeys! Any questions, feel free to ask on here on PM me.

Department: IBD at a major BB, London office

Number of girls that I've managed to sleep with as a direct result of working at a bank: 0 (got with 1 - she worked in IBD and wouldn't put out)

Number of nights out I have per month: 0-3

Typical night out cost: £150-£500

Number of days off I typically get a month: 2

Number of hours I typically work per day: 15-18

Pre-tax salary per month: £3500

Sign on bonus: £6000

Number of non-UK people working in my London office: 50%

Number of women in London IBD: 10%

Number of times I've thought about quitting: 2-5

Friends I've managed to keep in touch with since leaving university: <20%

Bonus: (not had one yet, can't comment)

Clothes I wear to work: £5500 rolex, £2200 diamond cufflinks, £490 prada shoes, £1600 prada suit, £140 thomas pink shirt

Happy: Yes, mostly

Would I recommend this career to a university leaver: Yes

Biggest pros of the job: Character building (the biggest pro), occasional feeling of self-importance (prestige), money, exit opportunities, rare opportuntiy to work on big deals and meet CEOs, CFOs, COOs of major companies, the people.

Biggest cons of the job: 90% of the time is menial work, my work is my life - demanding hours, very hard to have outside friends or a girlfriend, lack of sex, inability to have hobbies, degradation of health, the people.

Interview tips: be a more enthusiastic version of yourself, though still yourself.

Banking survival tips: be a more enthusiastic version of yourself, though still yourself.

Comments (54)

May 8, 2010 - 12:30pm

"Clothes I wear to work: £5500 rolex, £2200 diamond cufflinks, £490 prada shoes, £1600 prada wso/">suit, £140 thomas pink wso/">shirt"

Have you seen any extreme opposites (i.e. analysts wearing clothes from Primark)?

__________ Just my 2c.
Best Response
May 8, 2010 - 2:18pm
lorican:
"Clothes I wear to work: £5500 rolex, £2200 diamond cufflinks, £490 prada shoes, £1600 prada wso/">suit, £140 thomas pink wso/">shirt"

Have you seen any extreme opposites (i.e. analysts wearing clothes from Primark)?

Style is something I've always been really enthusiastic about, not in a vanity kind of way, just in the way that I think fashion is a great way of expressing yourself; who you are, what you want to say.

By no means do you have to wear what I wear. My flatmate (and fellow analyst at my BB) wears a casio watch and £60 shoes from the high street.

You have to look presentable to a client, and the sign on bonus is apparently given to you so that you spend a little money on yourself, but banking is nowhere near as superficial as people make out. Nobody would call you out for wearing this or that. Except braces - braces get a bit of banter! I remember one of my SAs walked around with paul smith multi coloured braces and a coffee in his hand like he owned the city - very funny, and he actually got the job in the end.

Just be who you are, most BBs are very diverse and accepting; moreso at the european BBs perhaps.

May 8, 2010 - 2:50pm

anonymousman, are the Rolex and cufflinks acceptable in London? I only ask because the shoes (assuming they don't have "Prada" written across the top), wso/">shirt and wso/">suit would be acceptable over here, but if I ever wore a Rolex, and, to an even more serious degree, the cufflinks, I would get torn apart. I'd never wear diamond cufflinks or a Rolex (not knocking you, just not my style), but do you catch crap for that in London?

  • 1
May 8, 2010 - 3:15pm
jimbrowngoU:
anonymousman, are the Rolex and cufflinks acceptable in London? I only ask because the shoes (assuming they don't have "Prada" written across the top), wso/">shirt and wso/">suit would be acceptable over here, but if I ever wore a Rolex, and, to an even more serious degree, the cufflinks, I would get torn apart. I'd never wear diamond cufflinks or a Rolex (not knocking you, just not my style), but do you catch crap for that in London?

You know I've been wearing these cufflinks for 6 months and nobody has noticed them!! (except my mum when I saw her)

The rolex - I got with my sign on bonus so was very keen to show it off - but I personally know more than 10 first year analysts who wear 'luxury watches' of some sort - I'd imagine there are a few more. The submariner is obviously very popular (though not the one I wear).

I've genuinely not had a single negative remark on my watch - even in gest. Even the swiss analyst on my team who likes to rip people hasn't commented (to my face at least!). The most banter I've ever caught was when I had a dodgy haircut - that did not die down overnight! haha.

May 8, 2010 - 4:07pm

Just to answer another question: someone has just PMed me asking about the training for IBD.

I think I'm right in saying most BB traning is the same. In the UK, you normally get some preliminary reading material sent to you around about this time of year (absolutely useless in-one-ear-out-of-the-other stuff), then you start with 10 days of FSA training then take FSA exams, then around 5 or 6 weeks of ATP (Analyst Training Programme).

May 8, 2010 - 4:44pm

"Clothes I wear to work: £5500 rolex, £2200 diamond cufflinks, £490 prada shoes, £1600 prada wso/">suit, £140 thomas pink wso/">shirt" ... " just in the way that I think fashion is a great way of expressing yourself; who you are, what you want to say."

Stop lying to yourself. all of the items you mention primarily serve the purpose of letting others know how much you paid for them. You are a tool.

As long as you look decent, nobody really cares. If an analyst wore that stuff in the office I work at, we'd laugh at him.

Additionally, £150-£500 is a foolish amount to spend on a night out. It completes the picture of the douche that you are. If we had any time to do so, we'd just go out and have a few drinks at a pub.

Seems like you are trying to make up for your lack of self-confidence by buying symbols instead of experiencing life by your own terms.

Go East, Young Man
  • 2
May 8, 2010 - 9:03pm
Asia_i_Banker:
"Clothes I wear to work: £5500 rolex, £2200 diamond cufflinks, £490 prada shoes, £1600 prada wso/">suit, £140 thomas pink wso/">shirt" ... " just in the way that I think fashion is a great way of expressing yourself; who you are, what you want to say."

Stop lying to yourself. all of the items you mention primarily serve the purpose of letting others know how much you paid for them. You are a tool.

As long as you look decent, nobody really cares. If an analyst wore that stuff in the office I work at, we'd laugh at him.

Additionally, £150-£500 is a foolish amount to spend on a night out. It completes the picture of the douche that you are. If we had any time to do so, we'd just go out and have a few drinks at a pub.

Seems like you are trying to make up for your lack of self-confidence by buying symbols instead of experiencing life by your own terms.

I fully agree.

A first year year analyst wearing an 8k watch and 4k CUFFLINKS? What kind of fucking nouveau-riche trashbag are you? Where do you come from that you think it's ok to dress that LOUDLY as a 23 year old kid? Is your father a russian oligarch or something? you aren't a hotshot MD, you are an excel bobo who doesn't have sex.

you wanna be a real banker, get a buzzcut and a jogging watch Hank Paulson style.

furthermore, what does it say about your financial savvy that you blew your entire signing bonus and then some on a watch and cufflinks.

May 8, 2010 - 5:34pm

"Clothes I wear to work: £5500 rolex, £2200 diamond cufflinks, £490 prada shoes, £1600 prada wso/">suit, £140 thomas pink wso/">shirt"

Frank Lucas: What is that you got on?
Huey Lucas: What? This?
Frank Lucas: Yeah, that.
Huey Lucas: This is a very, very, very nice wso/">suit.
Frank Lucas: That's a very, very, very nice wso/">suit, huh?
Huey Lucas: Yeah.
Frank Lucas: That's a clown wso/">suit. That's a costume, with a big sign on it that says "Arrest me". You understand? You're too loud, you're making too much noise. Listen to me, the loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room

May 8, 2010 - 6:34pm
h.e.pennypacker:
"Clothes I wear to work: £5500 rolex, £2200 diamond cufflinks, £490 prada shoes, £1600 prada wso/">suit, £140 thomas pink wso/">shirt"

Frank Lucas: What is that you got on?
Huey Lucas: What? This?
Frank Lucas: Yeah, that.
Huey Lucas: This is a very, very, very nice wso/">suit.
Frank Lucas: That's a very, very, very nice wso/">suit, huh?
Huey Lucas: Yeah.
Frank Lucas: That's a clown wso/">suit. That's a costume, with a big sign on it that says "Arrest me". You understand? You're too loud, you're making too much noise. Listen to me, the loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room


Disappointing movie, but great line.

Although his wardrobe is expensive, I can't picture it being loud unless he has "PRADA" blaring from his shoes and the breast pocket of his wso/">suit.

May 8, 2010 - 6:33pm

The $4k diamond Cuff-links are a BIT too much, perhaps too gaudy and effeminate , but wtf is wrong with wearing a Rolex?? The guy obviously likes fine crafted timepieces... If anyone makes a comment about any of my watches and they are not gaudy jewelry pieces, Id tell em to go F*ck themselves.

Btw what model Rolex? Im guessing SS Daytona, or GMT II

May 8, 2010 - 7:36pm

Investing in quality time pieces, shoes and wso/">suits makes sense, but I personally just don't see the point of £2200 cuff links. However, if it gives you personal satisfaction (which it clearly does) then I don't see why you shouldn't spend the money you've earned however you wish.

Asia_i_Banker, out of curiosity, would you (and others at your office) still be as judgemental if a senior VP/ MD decided to wear such clothes?

May 8, 2010 - 8:49pm

i also believed him until:

"£5500 rolex, £2200 diamond cufflinks, £490 prada shoes, £1600 prada wso/">suit, £140 thomas pink wso/">shirt"

as a first year, really?

========================================= We are excited to formally extend to you an offer to join Bank of Ameria
May 8, 2010 - 9:40pm
youngmonkey:
BillyVanBarzini:
http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/goldman-share-price

Clearly states that he is in his final year of university in above thread.

States that he has already left university in this thread.

It's 2.20AM in the UK and I'm pretty tired so, unless I'm being stupid and missing something, that seems like a direct contradiction.

Nicely done mate!

I had so much faith in this guy...

May 8, 2010 - 9:22pm

Hmmm, The star means he is verified, but I just check out that link and it sure does mention last year in school.

I think listing you're outfit and price paid per item is a little tacky. I wear cuff links on occasion and have seen a lot of people wear them and never have I seen diamond encrusted cuff links. British men dress smart, not gaudy.

That being said I really hope this is a mistake. One of the better posts in a while.

  • 1
May 8, 2010 - 9:43pm

Not a fan of cufflinks myself, but nothing wrong with the watch. Just dont go around flaunting that you wear a Rolex.

I am still in school, my parents make about as must as one first year analyst before bonus, I have been working since 8th grade, and I wear a Rolex.

I appreciate nice watches. It looks good with a wso/">suit and with a tshirt and jeans, but most of the time I have it covered by my jacket or longsleeve wso/">shirt. Really dont go around showing it off, and I feel uncomfortable when friends ask me what kind of watch I wear.

Just wear what you want, look nice and forget what other people say about it.

May 8, 2010 - 10:37pm

I think rolex watches are gaudy by definition. Every single person that I have ever met who wears a Rolex, unless they are sailing, has been a nouveau-riche douche-bag. I would avoid Rolex watches like the plague if I were you. Have some class, buy a Breguet if you have the cash to spare. I god damn guarantee that if you pay a visit to the top ten prep schools in america, you will not see a single rolex.

Only gays and/or Yalies wear diamond cufflinks.

May 9, 2010 - 3:48am
pinkbanker:
I think rolex watches are gaudy by definition. Every single person that I have ever met who wears a Rolex, unless they are sailing, has been a nouveau-riche douche-bag. I would avoid Rolex watches like the plague if I were you. Have some class, buy a Breguet if you have the cash to spare. I god damn guarantee that if you pay a visit to the top ten prep schools in america, you will not see a single rolex.

Only gays and/or Yalies wear diamond cufflinks.

Who gives a shit what the tools at the top ten prep schools in america wear, are you seriously that insecure?

May 9, 2010 - 10:46pm
youngblood:
pinkbanker:
I think rolex watches are gaudy by definition. Every single person that I have ever met who wears a Rolex, unless they are sailing, has been a nouveau-riche douche-bag. I would avoid Rolex watches like the plague if I were you. Have some class, buy a Breguet if you have the cash to spare. I god damn guarantee that if you pay a visit to the top ten prep schools in america, you will not see a single rolex.

Only gays and/or Yalies wear diamond cufflinks.

Who gives a shit what the tools at the top ten prep schools in america wear, are you seriously that insecure?

hahahaha pinkbanker jesus christ, the posters on here get worse each day

May 9, 2010 - 12:18pm
pinkbanker:
I think rolex watches are gaudy by definition. Every single person that I have ever met who wears a Rolex, unless they are sailing, has been a nouveau-riche douche-bag. I would avoid Rolex watches like the plague if I were you. Have some class, buy a Breguet if you have the cash to spare. I god damn guarantee that if you pay a visit to the top ten prep schools in america, you will not see a single rolex.

Only gays and/or Yalies wear diamond cufflinks.

Only 'old money' waspy kids are brought up to wear JLCs Breguets, IWCs and it's their parents who buy them the watches. They are trained to look down upon anyone that is self made and doesnt come from generational wealth.

Guess what .. Some people buy rolexes because they keep their value very well, in fact some vintage sports rolexes can even make great investments. I feel good knowing that I own something that is very scarce and cannot be made by Helicopter Ben.

I've owned several 'high end' brands before they just didn't do it for me. I prefer the 'blue collar' watches anyway.
http://i42.tinypic.com/121q4aa.jpg I've added several more since I took that pic.

May 9, 2010 - 10:44pm
Guest1655:

I've owned several 'high end' brands before they just didn't do it for me. I prefer the 'blue collar' watches anyway.
http://i42.tinypic.com/121q4aa.jpg I've added several more since I took that pic.

Although, thats too many Rollies for my taste, that is a great collection you got there! Love the SS Daytona and a few of those on the left. A few look like they have a nice patina on them. Add a bond NATO strap to one of those bad boys!!

And it is nice to know you have a watch that will hold its value rather well. Not many do that! I wouldnt call most modern Rolexs an investment, but they definitely have a great resale value.

May 9, 2010 - 4:03am

I do agree with youngblood. I would prefer an Audemars, IWC, or JLC over a measly Breguet or Rolex. However, the Rolex kinda fell in my lap and I was unable to pass it up. I used to never see myself wearing one, but after having it for a few months I really appreciate it and would definitely buy another one. Preferably a Deep Sea, something with a little more size and weight to it.

May 9, 2010 - 8:28am

I don't think this is a "bullshit breakdown" as much as it is straight bullshit.

Diamond cufflinks and a 5000 pound rolex as an analyst will get you laughed out of the room, and everyone will find a good nickname for you to boot (I'd go with 'Diamond' James Brady). You might as well just wear a bowtie to work or get gold teeth like a rapper.

Also, if that's how you dressed to interviewsI can't imagine many groups wanting to hire you. I don't know what kind of a person you are in your regular life and I have no time to find out, all I can judge on is what you are presenting to me...and your appearance screams "I'm a douchebag who thinks I'm more important than I really am."

  • 2
May 9, 2010 - 8:42am
rebelcross:
I don't think this is a "bullshit breakdown" as much as it is straight bullshit.

Diamond cufflinks and a 5000 pound rolex as an analyst will get you laughed out of the room, and everyone will find a good nickname for you to boot (I'd go with 'Diamond' James Brady). You might as well just wear a bowtie to work or get gold teeth like a rapper.

Also, if that's how you dressed to interviewsI can't imagine many groups wanting to hire you. I don't know what kind of a person you are in your regular life and I have no time to find out, all I can judge on is what you are presenting to me...and your appearance screams "I'm a douchebag who thinks I'm more important than I really am."

While this guy might be bullshitting, the idea has a certain ring of truth to it. I was on the tube to Canary Wharf last week and saw a very, very well dressed young man (couldn't have been older than 22) with huge diamond cufflinks and an expensive-looking watch playing with an iphone that had GS stamped on the back of it. I'm not sure where you guys are posting from, but consider that attitudes in the UK could be quite different to those in the US.

May 10, 2010 - 3:43am
boshyj:
rebelcross:
I don't think this is a "bullshit breakdown" as much as it is straight bullshit.

Diamond cufflinks and a 5000 pound rolex as an analyst will get you laughed out of the room, and everyone will find a good nickname for you to boot (I'd go with 'Diamond' James Brady). You might as well just wear a bowtie to work or get gold teeth like a rapper.

Also, if that's how you dressed to interviewsI can't imagine many groups wanting to hire you. I don't know what kind of a person you are in your regular life and I have no time to find out, all I can judge on is what you are presenting to me...and your appearance screams "I'm a douchebag who thinks I'm more important than I really am."

While this guy might be bullshitting, the idea has a certain ring of truth to it. I was on the tube to Canary Wharf last week and saw a very, very well dressed young man (couldn't have been older than 22) with huge diamond cufflinks and an expensive-looking watch playing with an iphone that had GS stamped on the back of it. I'm not sure where you guys are posting from, but consider that attitudes in the UK could be quite different to those in the US.

hey, maybe this very well dressed young man was "anonymousman"!

it's his money. he can spend it as he likes. but i really don't think such dress code would be a proper example for prospective monkeys.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.——William Shakespeare
  • 2
May 9, 2010 - 2:52pm

In the UK as we speak. I admit, cufflinks are more acceptable, but not diamond and not that early in your career...and not all the rest as well. We've busted on plenty of "douchey" people, lots of laughs. Remember, the industry is very international.

May 9, 2010 - 6:32pm

To be honest, I don't think the cufflinks are that big a deal. Do you honestly look down at someone's wrists when you're talking to them? I probably wouldn't even notice them, not to mention the fact that they're diamond-encrusted. Do I think that spending as much money as the OP did on them is a little absurd? Yes, but it's not my money. It's his money, and he's free to spend it as he sees fit.

Now, if you were to wear a colored wso/">shirt with a white collar, that would push you over the top. That's what MD's wear.

May 10, 2010 - 8:05pm

That guy is pathetic. I am sorry, just because you have a shit load of cash does not mean you have any taste. The guys place was sick, but a LV soccer ball, common. I wish I could put diamonds onto a tooth brush because this fool would pay 20K for it. Friggin retard.

May 10, 2010 - 8:34pm

this guy was a tool... injections to keep yourself looking young, a gold wso/">suit?

whatever... he wasn't living on the top floor of his building

his business isnt a completely ridiculous idea... providing shit to rich people instantly... this guy seems to have no patience though (evident from his comments in the elevator)

looking for that pick-me-up to power through an all-nighter?
  • 1
May 11, 2010 - 8:31am
<span><a href=//www.wallstreetoasis.com/finance-dictionary/what-is-london-interbank-offer-rate-libor>LIBOR</a></span>:

whatever... he wasn't living on the top floor of his building

His flat is actually a Duplex and so it is the top floor.

May 10, 2010 - 9:05pm

Notice how this guy is attracted to exactly the same shit as the OP; I told you he was a douche. No shit he bought a Rolex. I have nothing against Rolex watches, they're made well; it just so happens that 90% of their customers are tools and only buy them because of lay prestige. I almost barfed when I watched that flick.

The fact that the OP bought diamond cufflinks just corroborated the fact that he was a douche. I only mentioned the prep school shit because I assumed that that kind of shit would impress the OP to change his ways. I assume that he is trying to emulate the mannerisms of old money and I felt that saying that old money would look down on him would make him change his ways. OP: Haven't you ever heard of Noblesse Oblige? Follow it.

Polonius says it best in Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3:
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man

You may not be of noble blood, but in the modern world your position makes you so, act as such. Humility will take you far in life, that's the most important lesson I can impart.

May 10, 2010 - 9:14pm

With that much money, why would you ever want to be based in Manchester? (No offense to any Mancunians here)

He should spend some of that money on someone who can make his apartment look nice. It might be filled with nice things but it lacks any sort of style.

May 10, 2010 - 10:08pm

alright but seriously...its about time to buy clothes for SAs

specifically thinking about shirts, how much cash / which brands should i be looking for? it's not really a question of budget, more a question of what is the standard for analysts. obviously i don't want to spend more than i have to, but i want to be at least average. also i think it would make sense to buy stuff that is good enough to keep wearing if/when i come back for FT.

another question - what style/brand of shoes should i get? already have acceptable black cap toe shoes

May 11, 2010 - 12:08pm

Aliquid fuga voluptas omnis non. Sequi maxime at corporis quidem enim sint. Impedit quia sit quaerat porro.

May 11, 2010 - 12:15pm

Incidunt aut recusandae libero ratione nulla. Placeat eius iusto dolorem voluptatum. A ipsam veritatis tenetur quos facilis distinctio.

Rerum ipsum similique impedit quis et. Aut ut excepturi libero libero. Iste assumenda beatae maiores id est velit. Eveniet est vel sint dolor quod. Temporibus possimus repudiandae sunt quas soluta ut voluptates. Cum et eligendi ut vitae sint numquam nihil. Quas error id sunt eum sed repellat esse.

Qui nemo quidem esse expedita. Totam velit ut accusantium temporibus ex. Id sed est eum voluptatem beatae.

May 11, 2010 - 3:08pm

Occaecati nesciunt distinctio eos. Voluptas quibusdam quibusdam sit rerum quia molestiae. Id nihil explicabo porro quisquam. Molestiae beatae est et at.

Omnis hic dolorem aut omnis. Iste et repellat enim veniam. Inventore magni ut deserunt et.

Aliquam aut nisi laborum omnis enim ipsum earum dignissimos. Ut facere ut magnam hic. Iure dolorem voluptatem a qui quam voluptatem recusandae iusto. Voluptas molestiae quidem quas sint incidunt et ut quis.

Quis consectetur maxime nobis sint modi consequatur. Praesentium incidunt est aut enim suscipit dignissimos officiis.

Start Discussion

Total Avg Compensation

January 2022 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $604
  • Vice President (20) $379
  • Associates (143) $238
  • 2nd Year Analyst (84) $153
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (15) $150
  • 1st Year Analyst (295) $142
  • Intern/Summer Associate (63) $143
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (225) $90