Dating future banker boy: get out now? or stick it out?

Banker's Dime's picture
Rank: Chimp | banana points 0

Hi WSO, So we're both seniors in college, have been dating for about 8 months and things have been getting more serious (ie love / long term). He's locked in for an investment banking job in NYC (i'm looking for jobs in NYC as well, non-finance) and we're starting to talk about continuing our relationship after we graduate. Nothing super serious yet... but the topic will be coming up more and more.

I'm hearing about all the hours he'll be working, I'm barely going to see him, and when I do he'll be a zombie.

Part of me thinks (knows?) I don't want to be a 23 y/o girl in NYC dating a guy with no time. But he's an amazing guy, he treats me like i'm the only girl on earth, and when I've asked him about this topic he says he'll do whatever it takes to make it work... though I feel maybe he's just saying what I want to hear.

I could see myself falling in love with him if we stay together and get more serious. My emotions and brain are at edge right now. Should I get out now? Or wait and see how it goes?

How many of you guys have been able to hold a steady relationship during your first few years in banking?

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Comments (51)

Nov 16, 2016

run!

i was in a similar situation and we broke up spring before I graduated, mainly because we were moving to different cities, but had she moved to where I got a job I knew it wouldnt have worked out.

if you both truly see yourself being in a long long term relationship, maybe try sticking it out, but you're probably going to want to have fun in nyc, you are correct when you say you will never see him, and now is the easiest time to break up, honestly. and re relationships, imo you're too young to even know if he's a guy you'd want to be a long term relationship with, though i guess girls think different than guys

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Best Response
Nov 16, 2016

You say he's an amazing guy but you aren't willing to stick with him because he's working long hours. You should do him a favor and get out now.

I don't know what's more revolting; your general take on how relationships work or your username. NYC needs less people like you.

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Nov 26, 2016

I want a guy i can spend time with, that's kind of an important part of a relationship no? i'm just being realistic

username was a joke, calm down buddy

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Jul 31, 2017

Girls say things are a joke when they blow up in their facd

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Jul 27, 2017

And apparently she's not even going to be a banker's dime.

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Jul 28, 2017

Love the latter part of this response, got forbid she sacrifice some of her own time to let her bf rest. Lord knows hes only busting his ass and ALSO making every effort to stay with her.

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Nov 16, 2016

did you say you were going to post pics? thought I read that, but I don't see any attachments.. adobe is always giving me issues at the office ....

I think this is a classic example of something you need to determine on your own, without input from friends or family, and certainly not internet goons hiding behind anonymity.

good luck.

Nov 16, 2016

These threads are so fake it's not even funny anymore.

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Nov 16, 2016

damn, so no pics

Aug 19, 2018

There may be a Fudgy the Whale cake later though.
Stay tuned.

Nov 16, 2016

Dunno if it's just my MM or whatever but know multiple people (myself included) who are able to maintain healthy, stable relationships.

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Nov 26, 2016
NuclearPenguins:

Dunno if it's just my MM or whatever but know multiple people (myself included) who are able to maintain healthy, stable relationships.

+1. A significant proportion of analysts and associates at my MM firm are in happy and healthy relationships.

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Nov 19, 2016

Same here, in a stable relationship and know many ppl in IBD from Top Tier (BB/EB) who are able to make relationships work. If you already think about whether it is worth, it is already too late. Do him a favour and break up!

Nov 19, 2016

Many of my colleagues (myself included) have been in committed relationships for most of our time in banking. I can see how it could be a deal breaker, but if you want to go into something long-term and they don't intend on being a career banker, two years isn't that much time. There are also so many things you can do in New York to have a great time, and you could spend basically every weekend night with him if both of you wanted.

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Nov 26, 2016

thanks for the helpful response

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Nov 19, 2016

Show him this post. If he chops you that should answer your question.

Jul 27, 2017

^

Nov 19, 2016

Well, as you're so direct, you should avoid him.

Anyway a future with you may be a very important part of his plans, and to miss your presence may affect him. May even make him leave finance. If you're manipulative (and you should know if so..). You should leave him. If he come back to you, he's yours. If not, you would have done a good move.
I mean, it may look only as a mean thing...But you can't fix things you haven't done.

If you "leave" him and he don't come back, you may try to fix it...If you're not a deterministic person you may not like it, but if you're really manipulative you may still be able to sucessfully do that and "recover" what you just broke (may be not, because I can't actually predict the future)...

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Nov 19, 2016

What in the hell are you talking about? This is just piss poor advice. Oh and your grammar is ass. She needs to hash this one out with him one on one, end of stor

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Nov 19, 2016

.

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Nov 19, 2016

.

Nov 19, 2016

Sit down and talk with him. WSO is one of the last places I would go for relationship advice.

Yeah, the hours will suck. But you'd be throwing something away because of a minor inconvenience. You'd also be throwing yourself off a cliff into the world of dating, hoping that a net materializes underneath to catch you.

Jul 27, 2017

^

Nov 19, 2016

Banker's Dime,

We appreciate your interest in WallStreetOasis, and thanks for your question. It certainly is a challenging predicament that many college seniors face. Balancing careers and significant others can be difficult.

As we contemplate what your best move should be, we ask that you provide pictures of both him and you, and brief descriptions of both your personalities, so we can better assess your specific situation.

Cheers,
Going Concern
Chief Moderator

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Nov 19, 2016
Going Concern:

Banker's Dime,

We appreciate your interest in WallStreetOasis, and thanks for your question. It certainly is a challenging predicament that many college seniors face. Balancing careers and significant others can be difficult.

As we contemplate what your best move should be, we ask that you provide pictures of both him and you, and brief descriptions of both your personalities, so we can better assess your specific situation.

Cheers,Going ConcernChief Moderator

Well, well, well.... Am I wrong, or did we just found the guy!?!?!

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Nov 20, 2016

Are we sure we want pictures? Trolls are notoriously ugly.

"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face."

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Nov 19, 2016

If your boyfriend is on WSO, reads this, and recognizes himself:
a) sorry man, you'll meet a better girl. This one will probably end up serving you at Applebee's in a few months' time anyway.
b) please follow up on what happened in another post.

Then out spake brave Horatius, The Captain of the Gate: "To every man upon this earth, death cometh soon or late. And how can man die better than facing fearful odds, For the ashes of his fathers, and the temples of his Gods."

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Nov 19, 2016

Agreed. Sluuuuuuut. CHOP!!!

Nov 19, 2016

FT recruiting is over so stick with him. Unlikely he'll find a job.

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Nov 19, 2016

lmao

Nov 19, 2016

Only one way to be sure if it will work, wait until you're in a crowd place (holiday shopping at a mall, graduation, family gathering. Etc) and get down on one knee and propose to him. Now as a banker he won't have time to shop for rings so you'll have to do that for him (prep for what's coming).

Nov 19, 2016

How are you a banker's dime? Your boy still hasn't finished a fucking year yet. He's no banker.

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Nov 26, 2016

I'm not trying to be mean here, I'm just being seriously straightforward.

So you're questioning whether you're really willing to be there for him at a time when he probably needs support and understanding rather than the people around him thinking "but what about me"? If that's the case, maybe you're not right for him.

A lot of people think that we all work in Finance because we're a bunch of prestige whores, workaholics, gluttons for punishment etc etc. An older VC once told me: "Remember, it's not about the money. It's about the FUCKING money." While yes, the subject matter of our jobs is something most of us are extremely passionate about, the ability to earn above-average compensation starting at a very young age is also a big factor. Some of us here are not blue-blooded kids who were "legacies" in college, have a house in the Hamptons, a penthouse in Hong Kong and vacation in Paris during the summer. Some of us come from modest means and see Finance as a way to move up a step in the world. We'd gladly give up a significant chunk of our twenties for a shot at becoming a Partner or Managing Director, versus a more "normal" job with better work life balance where you eventually stall out and become another generic middle manager. And it's not always because we're greedy bastards looking to amass ungodly amounts of wealth. Well, it's not ALWAYS about that. A big part of it is also that we want to be at a level of income where we, our families, and loved ones, don't need to worry about making ends meet, or being able to afford kids' college tuition, etc. A career in Finance is just a means to that end. Didn't you ever stop and think that maybe one reason why your guy wants to work in finance is because he wants to be able to provide a comfortable life for his future family as well, and not just himself?

One of the Partners at my old firm used to head Asia FICC trading in HK for a regional bank. In the 90's, he initially moved there to start out as an FX trader at said bank, and stayed for about 10 years or so. His (now wife but then) girlfriend was here back home working for a tech subsidiary of a big telco. He was working brutal hours, especially as he transitioned to the derivatives desk, his first day on the desk was actually in 1997, right around the time of the Asian Financial crisis. They stuck it out, and dealt with that hurdle. Now he's moved back home, is a Partner heading the FICC asset class at my previous firm and his wife is on the board of said telco. They have 3 (very awesome, overachieving) kids and are happily married.

There are ways to make it work.

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Nov 21, 2016

You spelled out my motivation for finance succinctly, would SB if I had any.

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Nov 26, 2016

How can I save this post as encouragement for my future? Very well written. Thank you.

Nov 28, 2016

Sometimes I seem not to find the words to describe why I wanna work in Finance but you did it for me. Thanks for the motivational post.

Jul 27, 2017

I love this.

Nov 26, 2016

thank you all for the (harsh) feedback, having a big talk with him this weekend about all this

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Nov 27, 2016

Get knocked up with his child. Babies solve everything.

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Jul 28, 2017

I'm constantly convinced there is someone that is trolling us all really, really hard.

Honestly, if you're already considering it then this relationship is probably doomed. But if not, then I'll try to explain some things.

If you're really a girl and not a troll, then listen to me: Stop being solipsistic. It's not all about you. Do you not feel any sort of empathy towards this person you supposedly care about? Think about how it might feel, knowing that you have all your shit together: Good grades, a great career to come, and an awesome partner. While the first two matter significantly more, it fucking sucks to lose that last one the most. Things can come down pretty hard when you lose a significant part of your immediate support system.

I've been there and I faltered when I lost someone. It just saddens me to see someone considering this on a public forum. That brings up another point: Don't ask us. Have the damn conversation so if it is going to happen, he at least expects it. Be reasonable and get past your petty feelings of not having as much attention as you desire.

Do you understand how the long term works? There's benefits to these types of things you know. Truth be told, you're probably going to and certainly already have given him motivation and drive to tackle the career that awaits him. As much as society paints a different picture, most men I know hardly do things for themselves, but for the ones they love.

This is all assuming you care and aren't just waiting for the next best thing to give you equal or more attention.

On a positive note, everyone at my office seems to have healthy relationships. Also, the people I've met through networking usually mention it and it comes across as a point of pride, because it is. Making something work is more rewarding than just looking for what 'could' be better.

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Nov 26, 2016

Lol

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Nov 26, 2016

Doubtful that hot (non-nerdy) college aged females go on this website, asking for pictures is as useful as asking a beggar to break $20.

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Nov 27, 2016

I was in a similar situation.

Here's what I learned: if you think you are an objective person and you know how something is likely to play out, then trust yourself. In my case, I knew a year in advance of my breakup that my career would end my relationship but I loved my ex- so much that I couldn't do it. in our case, we had to do long distance and she was a law student at HYS so a breakup was more likely than in your situation.

If you are a devoted girlfriend to him, it is possible to make it work. I have seen it happen but it requires a lot of love and devotion. Only you can know but think long and hard about what's the likely outcome. I'm against trusting your gut (your gut will likely just be fearful here and not know what to do), but trust your reasoning after you've thought about it.

Nov 27, 2016

Call fake. Stop advertising sh1t like this on the front page. The reason why I stopped checking WSO.

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Nov 28, 2016

Easy answer is 99% of the time, this relationship is doomed either way. You aren't as attractive as the girls he will meet in NYC, and will certainly require higher maintenance when his time is at a premium. Save yourself the tears.

Nov 28, 2016

This has to be a troll

Dec 7, 2016

Any updates? I am dying to know what happened!

Mar 28, 2017

Hi honey, I hope everything worked out between you two. Relationships in general are hard but especially when this career is involved. I started a blog on my relationship with my boyfriend (3rd year analyst making switch to PE this summer) for other girls in similar relationships to come and relate. If you guys are still together and you're still looking for some advice, feel free to shoot me a message (us gals have to stick together!).

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Aug 19, 2018