Dating in IB

Female asking but want to get both male and female perspectives - would you rather date someone who also works in IB or outside of IB?

Comments (88)

 
  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Oct 28, 2020 - 10:18am

Personally out of IB. In my opinion, dating someone who also works in IB would make it difficult to separate work life from personal life, which I think is very important.

 
  • Associate 1 in PE - LBOs
Oct 28, 2020 - 10:31am

TLDR: lukewarm take, but I like to date other people in finance...

 

I don't think it really matters, but personally I've found I connect more naturally with people who are also very focused on their careers and have careers that I can understand and hold a good conversation about with them... so that's often IB, PE, consulting, corp strategy at a startup, etc. That said, I think doctors, lawyers, comp sci people would also make good partners, but on a date I'm a lot more clueless about what they actually do, which obviously isn't a dealbreaker, but does't really allow either of us to contribute much when the conversation turns to the subject of work. 

 

I'm not saying I wouldn't date someone who works in the arts i.e. an actress, dancer, comedian.. (in fact I have) or someone who has a BS philanthropy job.. or just some BS sales, account management job at a company.. but they would have to be reaally hot.

 
  • VP in IB-M&A
Oct 29, 2020 - 3:55am

Agree. I always ended up losing respect for past partners who'd act like the world was melting because of a simple ass 6:30 pm ask at her fashion job or those with poor work ethic. 
 

Hate on finance/consulting girls all you want but you don't know what you're missing until you've found yourself finishing up on a 22 hour work day and she offers to QC your slides/model so you can take a nap. Or at the very least doesn't throw a tantrum when you need to sign back online at 11 pm

 
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Oct 28, 2020 - 5:53pm

I don't get the preference for not dating banking or private equity folks. Call me crazy but there is nothing more satisfying than dating someone that is as motivated and passionate about reaching their goals as you are while being able to relate to you on a professional and personal level. 

 
  • Intern in IB - Gen
Oct 29, 2020 - 10:10am

Agreed. A guy from my college who I really liked and had been on a couple of dates with "broke up" with me when I started my full time stint earlier this year. We've been WFH and I would try my best to schedule dates (We'd meet at least once a week) and talk on the phone etc. I had to cancel two dates last minute and he was like,"Our priorities in life are clearly different. I want to be with someone that I can see every day." Banking or no banking, Isn't wanting to see someone that you've just started dating every day excessive? He is a nice guy (he works at a PR firm jbtw) and I respect his decision but I wonder if I'll ever actually find anyone in the next couple of years, given how horrible my hours have been so far. Maybe it'd be nice finding someone who does the same job (or another job which is as intense) because I'd expect a lot more understanding. I want my partner to support my career and not make me feel guilty (which I did with this dude every time our calls were cut short/ dates cancelled). To answer your question: I am definitely open to being with other finance people or honestly dudes from any industry as long as there is mutual respect and support for our careers

 
  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Oct 31, 2020 - 4:25am

Agreed. I would caution against this - never dip your pen in company ink (if you know what I mean). The metoo movement and false sexual harassment workplace accusations are taking good fellas down left and right these days. If she changes her mind or gets salty, you're dead bro...

 
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Oct 28, 2020 - 6:05pm

the only downside in my mind about not dating someone in finance is that they probably won't get why we have to be ready for the pls fix at any point of the week (don't have the luxury of working at a bank with a protected weekend, also at a known sweatshop). 

 
  • Associate 3 in IB - Gen
Oct 28, 2020 - 6:08pm

Much rather date someone outside banking, in a similarly challenging career, so that they understand the demands on your time (and don't hate you for your hours) but also are able to teach you things you didn't already know.

 
  • Intern in IB - Gen
Oct 29, 2020 - 6:50pm

Hey if you don't mind me asking, how did you make it work and how was it like? I am friends with an analyst in my year at my BB and I really like her. Thinking about asking her out but not sure if it's a good idea given that we work at the same bank/ know a lot of the same people (we're in different coverage groups) 

 
Most Helpful
  • Associate 2 in PE - LBOs
Oct 28, 2020 - 11:14pm

Female PE associate here. I actually prefer to date guys in high finance, or some similarly demanding career like law, consulting, etc. (I would say medicine but any doctor I've met has been weird as hell). However according to this forum, most finance guys refuse to date finance women long-term because apparently she is bound to be psychotic with a constant need to one-up him, so maybe I'm screwed haha? Personally, I'm generally more attracted to men in finance because I value a partner who is intelligent, driven and goal oriented (fully acknowledge these traits exist in other careers, simply more common here IMO). I also don't care if he makes more money than me, assuming it's fair pay. In fact, call me old-fashioned but if given a choice, I don't think I'd want to be the primary breadwinner in my marriage. I value my career and would never just expect my husband to 100% financially support our family, and am therefore assuming I'll be working for a long time... but I also wouldn't hate having the option to stay home with my kids one day. Ultimately I just want someone who respects me and what I bring the table, and I do the same for them. It's also nice to date someone who understands my job's demands/stressors, and I have enough interests outside of work that finance talk has never overpowered a relationship. Those who complain about that might just be boring or the guilty party...

 
  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Oct 29, 2020 - 11:03pm

Just curious: as a female in finance, do you find that you have more/less/the same success with men in finance versus men in other fields?  Sorry if it sounds like a stupid question, I have just always wondered if the prospect-intern-on-WSO "never date a banker chic, teachers and nurses ftw!!" sentiment holds up in real life. 

 
  • Associate 2 in PE - LBOs
Oct 30, 2020 - 3:42pm

So for context, I'm 25. I actually think I've had more success with men in finance compared to other fields. Finance guys tend to be less intimidated by me because we're starting from an "even playing field" for lack of a better word. Whether valid or not, if all a non-finance guy knows about me is that I work in PE, he can feel put off if his job is deemed "less competitive" or if he has less earning potential. I'm not at all saying my job should be viewed as more prestigious, but unfortunately it's just how impressions and society's perception can work sometimes. Also this may be anecdotal, but in my experience all guys (finance or not) have appreciated how I'm required to have my shit together to manage my career, family/social life, and personal health - they always like a little bit of a chase or mystery, and I can provide that without even thinking thanks to a busy schedule.

 
Oct 30, 2020 - 6:39pm

Let me get this straight your in PE u want someone to be making more than you? this may sound harsh. strong ambitious women are bound to have delusional demands in terms of what's out there in the dating as you stated yourself you want a higher earning boyfriend, why don't you just go for the MD, and rid it up?

women are most fertile during the age of 19-34ish you lose more opportunity by the day. which is why women aren't in finance normally. I have seen many women who are settling for guys they don't like as much when they are older. harsh truth, but the sad reality 

 
  • Associate 2 in PE - LBOs
Oct 30, 2020 - 7:56pm

While your delivery was unnecessarily aggressive, I can see how what I said could come off the wrong way. That is not at all what I meant. To clarify, my response was all related to what I would prefer in an ideal scenario, not what I would demand. I would love to stay home with my kids some day - but if there is a big earnings gap between my husband and me, then it just financially makes sense for me to keep working no matter what and I would never try to deny that. Also for context, I work in PE now but am not dead set on what I will do in the future - could see myself moving up at my fund, could also see myself moving to a less lucrative corp dev career to maintain better work/life balance. Also I'm only 25 and nowhere near worried about my fertility/age/settling... but appreciate your concern

 
Nov 2, 2020 - 3:40pm

My wife had a career and is a stay at home mom now with our 2 kids. I think if you are able to find that with a guy in finance, you will be well suited to understand his demanding schedule. Many spouses who were not in finance have trouble understanding why their SO is missing family functions, kids sports games, etc.

 
Oct 29, 2020 - 5:31am

I'd make a point here to consider the person first and your compatibility with them prior to making an assessment with regards to their career. Yes, it does make a difference but if as a guy you happen to meet a girl who you fall in love with that works in advertising, that's no reason to judge the relationship's longevity given if the feeling is mutual, and yes it's corny, but you can make it work. I did so myself with a girl who got off of work at 6 latest and she understood what my expected work commitment was like and we got through it. I'm not saying this'll be the case with any random broad you date but if you really find someone who is worth sticking it out for (believe me it'll take work), you can make it work. The worst part is just the unpredictability so once you disappoint her a couple times with canceled dates etc she might get used to it ;) but actually find something real and hold onto it

 
Oct 29, 2020 - 7:37pm

Would prefer the Mrs. to be more conservative. Teacher, Animal Vet, etc. Something that allows her to make it to Junior's baseball game or Princess' talent show. 

"Full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes." -U.S. Navy General Farragut
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Oct 30, 2020 - 9:35am

From my experience having dated IB and PE girls, both have been mercurial and flakey. 

IB girls I've dated would text you a lot in one second and act like they really like you, and in the the next second you're ghosted and never hear from them again. Understandable as their hours are long and unpredictable, however, it seems like they are just trying to play around and enjoy any available time for dating that they have. If you happen to be one of the guys she is making time for, enjoy the fireworks while they last lol

PE girls that just finished an IB stint tend to act like they're looking for something stable but deep down are trying to make up for missing years of dating experience in IB from lack of time. I've been shocked quite a bit with the dating outcome of some of these people.

Personally, I love when my partner is working in a tough job/industry and  have no problems with accommodating their schedule. However, compared to doctors and lawyers I've found the finance type to be more volatile compared to the former groups.

 

Array
 
Oct 30, 2020 - 9:12pm

Seen it work very well in polar opposite situations:

1. GS/JPM/MS managing director married to a female tech entrepreneur. Lives pretty frugally in a $1-2 million home but probably makes 7 figures as a MD (former IB MD who switched to a selective in house buyside role).

2. Superstar trader at a no-name full service bank - owns a $10M+ townhouse in NYC and wife who works in education/nonprofit. Incredibly arrogant dude but heard his wife is nice. 

Both appear extremely happy with how their marriages turned out. Know for a fact that the #1 MD I listed was married to the same person as an analyst.

 
  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Oct 31, 2020 - 4:52am

Personally, I've found the best chicks for a man who actually values even a shred of his masculinity and pride are pre-med and nursing girls. Usually the hottest (esp the nurses), most caring and sensitive (their job is literally to care for patients), and guaranteed that she'll make sure you're healthy and safe (they're trained to do this). Such a warm relationship to be in - speaking from experience here. Fellas, if you can find a way to snag one of these pre-med chicks, take it in a heartbeat. Icing to the cake is that, especially when they're in school (which is most of their 20s) they'll be super busy as well pulling late-nighters at school or the hospital, so they'll understand if you have a really busy schedule as a banker or PE guy. Also, when they're in school, they don't make much, so they're BOUND to earn less than you, making perfect wifey material.

 
Oct 31, 2020 - 10:25am

As someone who has dated pre-med/medical students, they can be incredibly neurotic and bitter that they're friends are already making money (their training is insane, my ex probably won't make six figures until she's 32-33). Do completely agree on the nurses/nursing students/PA students/PAs, those who make a nice six figure salary (less than 1/2 of most doctors if not more) but with little schooling seem to be the perfect sweet spot. Probably the most kind (some are perfect 10s too) hearted women I've met were in those fields.

Also seen a MM PE female associate get in a serious relationship with a male medical resident. She probably makes 4 times more than he does and he's no where close with training (planning to sub-specialize).

 
  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Nov 2, 2020 - 1:58am

Basically my man here is trying to say that dating a girl who earns less than you means they won't try to act like your typical masculine female banker and compete with you for who can earn more. They won't basically be the man of the relationship, which is honestly mad unattractive.

Chicks in banking are just not the move, sorry to be the bearer of bad news everyone. There's just something not attractive and feminine about a woman who tries to be one of the fellas.

 
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Oct 31, 2020 - 8:20am

Tbh as long as she is driven (not necessarily by work), good looking, has passions, and is globally-minded (i.e. travels a lot and has ideally lived in several countries/is a foreigner), I don't care what she does. But preferably, not IB. I mean, when I speak with fellow IB friends, it does tend to focus on finance at times, and I do appreciate the opportunity to speak and learn about something else and have a break. And as a man, I do like feminine energy (which I feel is less dominant in overworked, career-driven females in IB).

 
  • VP in IB-M&A
Nov 2, 2020 - 4:59pm

 

Tbh as long as she is driven (not necessarily by work), good looking, has passions, and is globally-minded (i.e. travels a lot and has ideally lived in several countries/is a foreigner)

Off topic, but this is such a crock of shit. Traveling does not confer worldliness or wisdom, curiosity and literacy (which many of these "world travelers" lack) do. Chasing passport stamps is even more absurd when the person is not career-minded (ie, "passionate" about traveling), can't afford their Ryanair tickets, and has no long term plan other than to lock down a simple minded finance dude with a fragile ego once there are diminishing returns on their self indulgence. Lucky for them that there seems to be plenty of you around

 
  • Associate 1 in PE - LBOs
Nov 2, 2020 - 9:52pm

 

 

Tbh as long as she is driven (not necessarily by work), good looking, has passions, and is globally-minded (i.e. travels a lot and has ideally lived in several countries/is a foreigner)

Off topic, but this is such a crock of shit. Traveling does not confer worldliness or wisdom, curiosity and literacy (which many of these "world travelers" lack) do. Chasing passport stamps is even more absurd when the person is not career-minded (ie, "passionate" about traveling), can't afford their Ryanair tickets, and has no long term plan other than to lock down a simple minded finance dude with a fragile ego once there are diminishing returns on their self indulgence. Lucky for them that there seems to be plenty of you around

I could not agree more. I also think it's very telling how everyone just copies one another and travels to the same freakin' 10 places i.e. Bali, Santorini/Mykonos, the Amalfi Coast, Barcelona, Thailand, Vietnam, Iceland, Paris, Amsterdam... in the peak months there are more Americans in these places than anyone else. Please, when this pandemic is over... let's just keep the jet fuel in the ground and visit the Grand Canyon instead.. traveling is not virtuous and does not make you a more interesting person. 

...if only making it through a Joyce epic made for a nice instagram.

 
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Nov 7, 2020 - 2:12pm

Lol, this reply is so funny and unexpected... I don't care how many stamps a girl has on her passports, but I do care if she's from a different culture and grew up abroad so we can exchange about our respective countries. I also care if she's into learning foreign languages or likes to travel cause hey, I go to at least 3 countries a year apart from where I live and where I'm from. And to be frank, I like speaking about travels and life experiences so if she's not into it she's not gonna like me. So yeah, I prefer to be with someone that wants to spend holidays in Bolivia, Colombia, Vietnam or Hungary than go to Ibiza every year. 

As for the "career-minded" part, the 2 most most travel-oriented girls that I know work at McKinsey and BCG...

 
Oct 31, 2020 - 12:49pm

From a male perspective, I would prefer to date someone outside of IB / finance / consulting. I tend to like women who are kind, have strong values (that match mine) and treat relationships very seriously. I tend not to find women like this in finance. It is also, from a logistics perspective, easier to find time together when only one of has a hectic schedule and not both of us. The things I value in a female partner (which I will admit are somewhat stereotypical and cliche) are just not common in the industry.

TL;DR I have nothing against women in finance, they are just not what I am looking for.  

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